Tourists: How do we get to the tour of ground zero?
Security guard: See that window across the street? Go up those stairs and over, and you can look down at it if you want.
–Ground Zero
Tourists: How do we get to the tour of ground zero?
Security guard: See that window across the street? Go up those stairs and over, and you can look down at it if you want.
–Ground Zero
Museum guard #1: I need to learn more about this Lady Gaga person.
Museum guard #2: You've never heard of Lady Gaga?
Museum guard #1: All I know is that she's just… weird.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Maggie
Female security guard to sneezing kid: Cover your mouth when you sneeze. We don't need no swine flu in here.
(other library patrons laugh)
Female security guard: Yeah, I said it!
–Brooklyn Public Library
Overheard by: The City Planner
Dumb girl, slinging leg over goat statue in MoMA courtyard: Take a picture of me riding this goat!
Dumb boyfriend: Honey, you're sitting on a Picasso.
Security guard: You don't need to be smart to go the MoMA.
–Museum of Modern Art
Old man: Could you tell me where a restaurant is?
Security guard: Right there (points to men's room).
Old man: I don't want to shit. I want to eat.
–JFK Airport
Guard to elderly tourists at elevator to roof: Please swing the line around the corner.
Elderly tourist: Ve don't sving.
–Metropolitan Museum
Security guard: I hate it when there's nothing to do all day.
Cashier: Today's been good, though. Hectic. Lot of people robbing us.
–Duane Reade
Sassy black tourist girl: Excuse me, you seen an ATM?
Security guard: (silence)
Sassy black tourist girl: I said, any of y'all seen an ATM?
Woman using ATM: Um, these are ATMs.
Sassy black tourist girl: Oh shoot, you could get money outta that?
–Chase, Broadway & Spring
Older Indian guy: So how was your Christmas?
Younger security guard: Good! It was real nice.
Older Indian guy: So, did Jesus come to see you?
Younger security guard: Nah, but some of my relatives stopped by, so it was still pretty nice.
–6th Ave
Overheard by: the last boyscout
Teenager, fighting with security: Fuck you! Fuck all y'all! Obama, baby! (storms out)
Preppy guy: See, this is why I vote Republican.
–14th St & Union Square
