Indian snack counter vendor: What’s that on your head, man?
Security guard with ash cross on head, in thick New York accent: It’s ash Wednesday.
Indian snack counter vendor, snickering: Okay.
Security guard: Hey, I don’t laugh at you guys when you put dots on your heads. You gotta respect other people’s beliefs.
–9th St & Broadway
Overheard by: The Chocolate Muffin Sucked
Security Guard: …and so now I have her DNA and I can, like, reproduce her any time I want.
–57th & West End
Overheard by: Kaitlyn
Drunk: Are you going to San Francisco?…Hey, I’ve been there! Why won’t you believe me? Look at this tattoo I got there!…Shut up, bitch!
–LIRR
Overheard by: marissa
Woman: So did you know that cheese has the same chemicals as heroin in it? That’s why people who eat cheese get so addicted to it.
–1st Avenue & 4th Street
Overheard by: alison
Security guard: Ma’am, you can’t use your cell phone in here.
Frumpy mom: What? I can’t? In the whole library? Why can’t you use your cell phone in the library?
–Library, 23rd St
Overheard by: Liberry Lady
Guard dude #1: There’s a guy over there touching himself again.
Guard dude #2: What, the same one as before?
Guard dude #1: Yeah.
–New York Public Library Main Branch, 42th & 5th
Overheard by: Rob
HS girl: Man, this school is a ho!
Security guard: Yeah, and you gotta learn how to trick it right to get what you want out of it.
–Bread & Roses High, Harlem
Asian man: What seems to be the problem?
Security official: Other than the fact that your passport and your ticket have two completely different names on them, nothing.
–JFK Security
Security guard #1: Yo, I be the first nigga to have a PS3 up in the projects, yo.
Security guard #2: Last night my girl was blowing me while I was playing PSP. She be like, “slurp, slurp.” I was like, “yeah, get that. Get that.”
–E 34th St
Overheard by: Chris the engineer
Girl: I haven’t seen you in a while.
NYU security guard: Witness protection program. It’s like a Bar Mitzvah for Italians.
–NYU
Security guard to group of teenagers: Where are you from? Are you from the West Coast? I want to know what’s going on over there.
Teenager: We’re from Washington, DC.
Security guard: Oh, that’s on the West Coast.
Teenager: No, Washington, DC is on the East Coast.
Security guard: Ohhh. You’ve got all those politicians, huh? That sucks.
–Bowrey Ballroom
Overheard by: Fifi
Fashionista to another: It didn’t taste that good, but I really needed the money.
–Madison Ave
Overheard by: John Galt Jr.
Fashion student: The thing I can’t stand about fine arts is how obsessed with money it’s become… Yeah, so I’m leaving the program to study advertising.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: nova scotia
Security guard to another: I ain’t here for the money. I’m here for the fuckin’ prestige.
–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Amber Star
White chick on cell: Hi, honey! How are you? Are you being tickled by coins? Are you being tickled by coins?!
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: mela
Guy on corner: Can you spare any change or frequent flyer miles?
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Scientific
Frumpy lady to Joey Ramone lookalike: I’m feeling awfully constipated, baby! Constipated with money is the way I like to be!
–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge
