Who Says New Yorkers Can't Be Gracious?

White guy, yelling to friends: Yo, where are you going? The train is this way!
Random black guy: It's not the fucking train! It's the fucking subway!
White guy: I live in Queens, I know what it's called.
Black guy: You white people are so fucking stupid. You go into the subway to get on a fucking train!
White girl: Well then it's a train!
Black guy: Fuck you, bitch!
White guy: Don't call her a bitch! You don't even know her!
Black guy, getting in their face: Fuck you, nigga! And fuck her! (pause) Wait…have you guys been drinking?
White guy: Yeah.
Black guy: Never mind, then. I was just fucking around. We cool?
(black and white guys laugh about it, shake hands, go their separate ways)

–Union Square

Overheard by: go rangers!

Posted on January 4, 2009
Black People, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Guys, Insults, Laughter, Public Transportation, Questions, Race, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, White People

The Serpent Was Delighted to Show Her the Tree Of Knowledge

Valley girl: The little red jobbies are way cool! What are they?
Vendor: Those are macouns. Ones over there are golden delicious and Granny Smith.
Valley girl, grabbing an apple: And, what's that little thing sticking out on top of this one?
Vendor: Those are leaves, miss.
Valley girl: Wow! This place is like…sooooo…country, y'know?

–Green Market Apple Vendors, Union Square

Overheard by: cindy

Posted on January 3, 2009
Fruit, Girls, Questions, Stupidity, Trees and plants, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers

Sure, If You Want To Be All Empirical Like That

Tall guy: Sure, no problem. I'll drive you guys, do you know how to get there from here?
Blond chick: Yeah, you can take the tunnel or the 59th Street bridge, which is free. Do you know how to get to the 59th Street bridge?
Tall guy: Um, yeah…take 59th Street?!

–Lincoln Center

Posted on January 3, 2009
Cars and Driving, Directions, Girls, Guys, Questions, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

To Attain a Future Better Than the Present, You First Have to Imagine It

Teenage Latina to friend: So I want my next man and me to have more in common. My man, he gotta dress ghetto, you know, baggy pants, piercings, and chains, but he can't be no pimp or dirty slut. He can't be having no nasty diseases. He can't have no kids or none on the way and he can't have done no time, yet.
Friend: Gattita, I hear you. But what'cha gonna do with him?
Teenage Latina: Well, he's gonna have to like scary movies and reggaeton, Mexican food, and… (pauses to think for a moment) French fries! You know, them white people's food.
Friend: Holla.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Carrie

Posted on January 2, 2009
Clothing, Ethnic Food, Friends, Kids, Latinos, Movies, Music, On the Subway, Prison, Relationships, Stupidity, Teens, Wishes & desires

And Everyone Knows There's No Such Concept as “Eleven”

Whiny loser: I wish i could win for once.
Jockey winner: There can't be two number ones.
Whiny loser: Oh, that's right, that'll make eleven.

–Time Square

Overheard by: jnigga

Posted on January 2, 2009
Friends, Stupidity, Times Square, Wishes & desires

Which Is the Algonquin Word for “Bad Driver Land”

Woman, looking at car which just hit hers: That's Why! They're from Pennsylvania!

–Little Italy

Overheard by: Lena

Posted on January 2, 2009
Cars and Driving, Little Italy, Stupidity, Women

Rebecca

Rican tough tween chick #1: What about Rebecca?
Rican tough tween chick #2: I hear she a lesbian.
Rican tough tween chick #3: A lesbian?
Rican tough tween chick #2: Yeah, she likes girls.
Rican tough tween chick #1 (laughing): Fuck that shit. Who wants to like girls?

–Bergenline Jitney, Newark Avenue, Jersey City

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on January 2, 2009
Ew, Jersey, Gays and Lesbians, Insults, Puerto Ricans, Questions, Stupidity, Tweens

How to Tell Whether Someone Just Learned What “Risqué” Means This Morning

Woman to friend, while browsing: I love the 80s, girl. Oh, look. It's Alf on DVD! Did you ever watch that show? It's so different to watch it as an adult. You realize how risqué it is. I mean, it's like watching Three's Company when you're an adult. I mean, it was such a risqué show for its time.

–Virgin Megastore, Union Square

Posted on January 1, 2009
Age/Aging, Friends, Store, Stupidity, TV, Union Square and East Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Know When to Stop

Bus driver: We should be arriving in Port Authority soon, hopefully at our schedule arrival time, but it all depends on the Lord of the tunnel.

–Port Authority Bus

Overheard by: Emily

M60 bus driver, under breath, to traffic ahead: Mush. Mush. Yeah, mule. Mush. Git along.

–106th & West End

Bus driver on PA: Madam, don't let your children swing on the hand bars…this is not a jail.

–M15 Bus

Overheard by: bonoboxoxo

Funny bus driver in soft-spoken jazz voice: This is Madison Avenue. If this is you, get out. I wish I was getting out. Does anyone know how to get out? Next is Park Avenue…or it's not. Is anyone listening? Thanks for the smile.

–M16 Crosstown Bus

Announcer on bus (waiting for someone to request a stop): Come on, my line's open. Someone dial my number. Come on, you know the number! (a passenger requests a stop) There we go! Thanks for calling! I knew you would!

–M16 Bus

Overheard by: alli

Posted on December 31, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus Drivers, Directions, Kids, On the Bus, Passengers, Port Authority, Prison, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

Stupidity