Bimbette #1: So, like, for my essay I wrote about the Jew migration in the 19th century…
Bimbette #2: Oh my god, what Jew migration?! You mean, like, oh my god — like Moses leading them out of Egypt like in the Red Sea?!
–Oakland Gardens, Queens
Bimbette #1: So, like, for my essay I wrote about the Jew migration in the 19th century…
Bimbette #2: Oh my god, what Jew migration?! You mean, like, oh my god — like Moses leading them out of Egypt like in the Red Sea?!
–Oakland Gardens, Queens
Thug, screaming: Get that shit off me, yo! Get that shit off me!
Queer holding potted plant: Relax, it can’t hurt you.
Thug: Get that Jurassic Park shit away from me! That shit suck yo’ finger off — I seen it!
Queer, offended: It’s not a Venus fly trap, it’s celery.
Thug: Suck yo’ finger right off…!
–L train
Overheard by: LJ
Tween daughter: I have to study this Shakespeare sonnet for school. It’s really hard.
Dad: Put that away. You won’t be able understand it anyway.
Tween son: Just because you can’t understand it–
Dad: –Of course I can’t! It was written in old English like a thousand years ago.
–Grimaldi’s waiting line, DUMBO
Overheard by: big willy style
Chick: Have you ever read Catch 22?
Guy: Was it written by Dr. Seuss?
Chick: No.
Guy: Then no.
–Pace University
Overheard by: Hugh
Teen girl #1: You didn’t I know I went out with Hector?
Teen girl #2: Nah.
Teen girl #3: Hector went out with everyone. He kissed all the girls. We called him ‘The Rapist,’ or ‘R. Kelly.’
–Q88 bus
Overheard by: Me
Hipster girl, about shoes: Cool, there’s a cow on the side.
Hipster boy: No, it’s a sheep.
Hipster girl: Oh.
Hipster boy: Well, whatever — it’s bovine.
–Beacon’s Closet, Williamsburg
Overheard by: hipster shopper
Gym rat: So, don’t tell a lot of people, but, um, I write poetry.
Friend: Oh, yeah? Since when?
Gym rat: Since we was in English Lit. That Edgar Allen Poe guy — man, he really expired me to be a writer. I got lots to say.
Friend: That’s cool.
Gym rat: I just hope it’s easy to get published and shit.
Friend: Should be, should be.
Gym rat: Or maybe I should just go on Def Poetry Jam. Anyone can do that shit.
–44th & Park
Nine-year-old boy: Mom, are we done?
Mom: Yes, we just need to check out.
Nine-year-old boy: Yeah! We’re done! D-u-n, done!
–Duane Reade, 33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: themelancholydane
Man: How much for two double-A batteries?
Bodega worker: The good ones or the one-dollar ones?
Man: The dollar ones.
Bodega worker: One dollar.
Man: I’ll take two.
Bodega worker: That will be two dollars.
Man: Two dollars?!
–30th & 6th
Punk #1: Do you realize that we only live 80 years?
Punk #2: And we’ve done so much more than most people.
Punk #3: It’s, like, philosophical.
Punk #1: And we don’t get the same opportunity as other people because of the way we look.
Punk #2: That’s discrimination.
–Bathroom, Otto’s Shrunken Head, 14th St
Overheard by: Leon Dekelbaum
