Girl #1: Does Katie’s brother say, “You wanna puke in my ass”?
Girl #2: I think he says, “house.”
Girl #1: Ooh. Oh my God, that makes so much more sense.
Girl #1 to girl #3: We are such idiots.
–Whitestone, Queens
Overheard by: Michelle
Girl #1: Does Katie’s brother say, “You wanna puke in my ass”?
Girl #2: I think he says, “house.”
Girl #1: Ooh. Oh my God, that makes so much more sense.
Girl #1 to girl #3: We are such idiots.
–Whitestone, Queens
Overheard by: Michelle
Metro-North conductor: If you have been on your cell phone more than 5 minutes, you are not only annoying all of the passengers around you, but have also probably started to annoy the person on the other end of the call, so hang up.
–Metro-North, Marble Hill
Guy on cell: I’m only calling because I have to walk ten blocks, and I can’t stand to be alone with my own thoughts.
–60th & Lex
Overheard by: tabubob
Queer: I could never respect someone with that ring tone!
–Duane Reade, 8th & Broadway
Little girl, pointing to an ad depicting peanut butter and banana on
bread: What is that?
Mother, looking at the ad for a moment: It’s sushi.
Little girl: What’s sushi?
Mother: It’s Chinese food…You wouldn’t like it.
–Downtown B train
Headline by: Maniac Moll
Runners-Up:
· “愚かなアメリカ人” – Oog Oog
· “1 Billion Americans Couldn’t be Wrong” – Moze
· “50,000 Elvis Fans Discover They Like Raw Fish” – ED
· “And Why Don’t We Like Chinese Food? That’s Right, ‘Cause They Bombed Pearl Harbour” – Brendan
· “Choosey Moms Choose Eel and Avocodo” – PJ
· “Don’t Tell Me What I Like, You Chink Bitch” – Bevan
· “If You Eat the Wrong Part, You Become a Gorilla” – devin the artist
· “It’s Only Chinese if the Banana Is Small” – Oren K
· “Mommy, it Looks so Much Like Daddy’s Cock Coming Out of Your Asshole.” – Extra Character
· “New Study Finds Confusion Prevents Childhood Obesity” – Booters
· “Technically, Honey, It’s Sashimi” – ED
Man: It was nice to meet you. Now will you shake my hand?
Little boy: No.
Man: Why not?
Little boy: Because she gave you her number, but she already has a boyfriend! I don’t like that.
Woman: Shut up. That’s not true.
Little boy: If it isn’t, then why did it say “Jason and Trish, together forever” on your phone, when I turned it on right now?
Woman: Together forever, my ass; now shut up!
–Q37 bus, Liberty Ave
Person #1: So, what’s the third state in the tri-state area? I know: New Jersey…Certainly New York. Is it Connecticut?
Person #2: You never hear about a bi-state area.
Person #1: What about Nicaragua. Didn’t you have sex with both a girl and a boy there?
Person #2: I don’t think the country of Nicaragua bases its sense of identity on my sexual exploits.
Person #1: Is Long Island a state?
–9th & Ave A
Cop #1: We wouldn’t have so much crime here if Law & Order was set somewhere else. I mean, they’re just giving people ideas, and making them think it’s entertaining.
Cop #2: Uh huh. And the show also makes people think the force is full of skilled, competent officers.
Cop #1: I guess I object to that, too.
–John’s Pizza, Bleecker St
Overheard by: Jebediah
Headline by: Nick
Runners-Up:
· “As Do The Tourists Who Expect Him to Help When They’re Being Mugged” – Sinead
· “But The Worst Part Is, When Lenny Makes A Joke About A Corpse Everyone Thinks It’s Adorable, But When I Do It I Get Some Bitch Widow Calling Me Insensitive” – Kate
· “His remote’s in his holster and his TV is broken.” – Nick
· “I guess Vincent D’Onofrio is skilled, if by skilled you mean unbearable to watch” – that guy
· “I’m more of a Village People Cop than a Law & Order Cop” – ak
· “If the Sci-Fi Channel folded, we wouldn’t have so many alien invasions, either” – Matthew
· “If they brought back Cop Rock, this job would be a cake walk” – tony ska
· “It’s moments like these that make me wish I was set somewher else” – Jenina
· “Wow I was always saying that wrong. So it’s *Life* imitates *Art*?” – srednivashtar
· “You should have seen this town when “Naked City” was on.” – J. A. G.
Guy: Dude, look at their Board of Health certificate on the wall there. It’s brown. No, it’s dirty!
Girl: Oh my God, that’s so filthy. What’s that on top there? [walks over] Jesus Christ, it’s a cockroach!
–Chinese restaurant, Flatbush & Dekalb, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Lunch Special
Tourist #1, looking at sign: What is a bunion?
Tourist #2: It sounds like something you can eat.
Tourist #1: Like an onion bun?
Tourist #2: Yeah, like that.
Tourist #1: Mmm, that makes me hungry. Let’s get some food when we get off the train.
–2 train
Overheard by: dubs
Girl #1: My poop is like my cat’s.
Girl #2: Like pellets?
Girl #1: No, like chronic diarrhea.
Girl #2: Why don’t you take it to the vet?
Girl #1: I havn’t even taken myself to the doctor, so why would I bother going for the cat?
–Time Warner Building, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
CEO Lex Fenwick: Let me tell you three things about Bloomberg [raises five fingers]. Customer service, customer service, customer service, and customer service.
Intern: That was only four, Lex. You raised five fingers and said you were going to tell us three things.
Lex Fenwick: You’re fired!
–Bloomberg L.P.
Overheard by: summer intern
