Mom: Tie your shoelace.
Little girl: No.
Mom: If you don’t tie your shoelace, something very bad will happen to you!
–Starbucks
Mom: Tie your shoelace.
Little girl: No.
Mom: If you don’t tie your shoelace, something very bad will happen to you!
–Starbucks
Young man to lady: So, Anthony told me you got machine gun titties…?
–42nd St station
Overheard by: interested
Crazy lady waving cane at laughing skateboarder: That’s right! Run for your life, motherfucker! I’m on a hunt! And you’re the prey!
–Outside Barnes & Noble, Astor Pl
Overheard by: Sputnik5
Ghetto chick: … And then I got caught on a gun charge because my boyfriend pistol-whipped me when I was pregnant and I took the gun and chased him down the street with it. And you know that drug bust in far Rockaway last year? That shit was me! Haha… And my lawyer got me five years probation and now jail time — he took care of me, ya know? And he was a Jew… You know them Jews — all into they money and shit.
–E train
Little boy on scooter: I believe I can fly! I just got shot by the FBI!
–Lex & Broadway
Man, about freestyling partner: He was like the Mexican version of 50 Cent, ‘cept his name was 537 pesos, and he don’t need no gun — all he gots is his burrito and a hot dog.
–D train, from Coney Island
Overheard by: jennievil
High school girl to her friend: If she didn’t show up for the shooting, she is not going to show up for the bomb scare.
–F train
Tourist kid looking at digital camera, whining: She took a picture of me sleeping!
Tourist mom: You erase it and you die!
–6 train
Conductor: Yo, you gotta get off here — he doesn’t get to ride for free.
Drunk fireman in uniform: Oh, yeah? Well, I hope your house burns down with you in it, and nope — I won’t save you!
–LIRR
Male employee #1 refolding shit-load of shirts: If I ever see a girl on the street wearing one of these shirts, I’m gonna punch her in the face.
Male employee #2: Yeah.
–Urban Outfitters, 11th & 2nd
Overheard by: Shelby
Thug #1: I’m gonna smoke that nigga. I’m gonna smoke him. Nah… Nah, he’s real nice. I like him. But he didn’t listen to me so I gotta smoke him.
Thug #2: Okay… Sure…
–4 train
Dude #1: If I had money I’d eat there everyday.
Dude #2: If you had money I’d kill you and wear you like a pelt.
–Outside Walter Kerr Theater
Mother to crying girl: You stop that or I’ll pop your balloon.
Father: Yeah, we’ll pop your balloon.
–1 train, 116th St
Overheard by: EK
Girl #1: What would you do if a guy took you to a hotel for Valentine’s Day?
Girl #2: I guess I’d be like, ‘Oh, how sweet…’ Get into bed… Then shove a glass vase up his ass and run away. Naked. If he moved the glass vase would break and tear up his asshole, and he’d be pooping shards of glass out for a week.
–Park Slope
Black woman: Bitch, stop barking. I’ll beat your ass! Say ‘my mother’ one more time, I’ll come over there and beat your ass, cracker!
White woman: Who says ‘cracker’ anymore?
–4 train
