Threats

Ghetto chick #1: They always tryin’ to fight with me! No matter what I do they always want to fight with me. Even they mother.
Ghetto chick #2: They mother? Ain’t she, like, 50 years old?
Ghetto chick #1: Or more. And she be comin’ out the house with hammers. She don’t play around. All of them fighting, and who go to jail for it? Me! Every weekend we fight, someone call the cops, and I go to jail. Every weekend. Just me. Because I’m on probation. I’m out on bail right now.
Ghetto chick #2: Uh-huh.
Ghetto chick #1: And I just don’t know when it’s gonna end. When is it gonna end? Someone’s gonna have to die — that’s all I know. One of these mothafuckah’s gonna have to die.

–C train

Thug to tourist taking picture: Yeah, bitch, I’m in your picture! I’m in your picture! Put it on MySpace, bitch!

–W 34th & 7th

Overheard by: nisey79

Thug to friend: Nigga, it’s hard to explain… It looked… like a decorated cosine curve!

–110th & Lenox

Overheard by: Curly Ku

Thugette to thug boyfriend: This ain’t Valentine’s Day. You slap me I’ll slap you back!

–Bronx-bound D train

Overheard by: Krissss

Thug to his baby, after carrying her stroller down the subway steps: Woo-hah, I got you all in check.

–6 train station, 59th St

Overheard by: Jackie

Thug: Shit. Jimmy Hoffa’s lucky he don’t gotta pay taxes.

–Brooklyn-bound F train

Overheard by: In debt on the F train

Thug: That thang was so big you could put a whole paragraph on it!

–6 train

Man: Do you know what station this is going to?
Passenger #1: Crazy town!
Passenger #2: [Nods.]Man: [Backs away slowly.]

–Port Washington train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Matt

Eight-year old posse leader to clerk: Nah, don’t look at me, man. Yo, I’m serious. Fuck you. I’ll shoot you. I’ll shoot you right now. I’ll shoot you in the face. You don’t beleeb me? I got a BB gun right now in my pocket. I’ll shoot you in the face, man. You know what? It’ll hurt. It’ll hurt, too, man. I’ll shoot you in your face. Right now. Yeah. [Takes big swig of Sprite.] Yeah. I’ll shoot you… In the face, yo. [Leaves with posse, flipping off clerk.]Customer: Wow.
Clerk: Yeah, they’re our future.

–Convenience store, 122nd & Lex

Overheard by: I just wanted some 40’s…

Lady holding child’s hand: If one more person bumps into me today I am going to fucking kill them.
Passerby: Good, lady, teach your child to be an asshole just like you.
Kid: Fuck you, asshole!
Passerby: See!

–Subway, 86th St

Angry black woman to white man close behind her: Son, you got a lotta ass on yo’ dick right now.

–Dense crowd, 4th & 6th

Overheard by: jealous?

Guy to friends: I’m not a one-ass guy, even if it is my own ass.

–26th & 8th

Large black man: I’m grabbin’ booties, so all y’all better move outta my way!

–37th & 7th

Overheard by: daniel

Ghetto fab guy: Well, tickle my ass an’ call me Mary Poppins…

–85th & 2nd

Overheard by: Mitorizu

Dude: My ass likes to eat things.

–76th & Broadway

Overheard by: Hew, the bird

Suit: Now there’s an ass you could rest a loaf of bread on!

–Time Square

Crazy preacher: Lust is a sin. Women, don’t show your butts to men — cover them up, or the seven last plagues will cover them up for you.

–6 train

Overheard by: Zavreio

Middle-aged black dude #1: I wanted to take Shaquan for the weekend, and you know what that bitch told me? She said she was taking him to his grandmother’s house!
Middle-aged black dude #2: Man, what’s with that woman? She don’t let you see your kids!
Middle-aged black dude #1: His grandmother don’t need to see him. She’s too old to see, anyway! I ain’t seen Shaquan since Ju-ly! That’s fucked up. I should kill that bitch.

Old Asian lady walks through the train selling noisemakers and batteries.

Middle-aged black dude #1: And why is it when I’m selling bootleg DVDs in a primarily black neighborhood, all the police see is me? When I’m around all black people! But don’t nobody say nothin’ when this Asian chick sells this junk. Then I’m in jail and this bitch is selling. Then they tell me, ‘You can’t get out until you pay.’ How I’ma make money if I’m in jail, fool?
Middle-aged black dude #2: Heh heh heh. Right, right. But fo’ real, though, you should kill that bitch!
Middle-aged black dude #1: For real. I should. Shit’s fucked up. I don’t care about her pussy — I can get another pussy. ‘Scuse my language. No offense, ladies. I can get another bitch to fuck, but that’s my kid! I’ma kill that bitch. I’ma chop her up! I used to be a butcher, man. I’ma chop her up. Make bitch soup! And sell it to the homeless.

–A train

Overheard by: Melody SW

Little girl: Sat-ur-day, Sat-ur-day, Sat-ur-day… I’m going to blow your head off.
Dad: Yeah?

–34th & 9th

Overheard by: Kevin Frost

Man: Excuse me, you cut in front of everyone.
Woman: Don’t tap me again or I will call the police!
Man: But you just walked right in front of all these people.
Woman: Tap me again, go ahead, and I’ll call the police. Tap me and I’ll also do my kung fu on you.

–1 train

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

Crackhead girl talking to old pimp: I don’t know why for she call you… Just to be talkin’ shit… You know how I be is…

–Bed-Stuy

Vassar student: If I spoke France fluently, I’d be there right now!

–West 7th & Avenue T

Man leaning into friend’s car window: Nah, she aight… Nah, she aight… Nah, she aight. [Sees a guy across the street] Hey, man, you aight? Aight… Nah, she aight…

–150th & Macombs

Black woman: He coulda played for the Bears, he coulda played for the Jets, but nothing never stucked.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: off white

Earnest student giving presentation: I was going to talk about Freud, but I decided he was tangenital to the discussion.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: She wasn’t kidding, and no one laughed

Artistic hipster wannabe: Also, not to get too psychoanaliterature…

–Starbucks, Union Square West

Overheard by: Benjamin

Thug: Yo, nigga, don’t make me yo’ escapegoat!

–4 train, Bronx

Overheard by: charles elliot