Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Luke…. I Am Your Wednesday-One-Liners

Jappy Teenage daughter: Daddeeee! I want you to get rid of sweat.

–50th & 8th

Overheard by: Lord…

Black woman on cell: I don’t like big, Black, aggressive men. I like light-skinned men, cause I’m Jamaican. I just found out I’m Jamaican like five years ago. My mom told me the guy who I thought was my father is not my real father. But you know, I don’t hold nothing against him. Dude paid child support and shit.

–Queens bound 7 Train

Hoochie with baby: As soon as he came outta me and I saw what color he was, oh no, I knew who his daddy was. But I love the shit outta my son.

–R Train

Little girl: When I don’t want to listen to my dad I just say ‘Talk to the hand!’

–Wooster St & Spring St

Little kid in stroller: Dad, is this us?

–Inside subway car on NYC subway IRT line at 34 thst stop

Overheard by: Steve Grant

I Get by with a Little Help from My Wednesday One-Liners

Mom to kid making weird sound: Stop it! That’s how you don’t make friends!

–Grocery Store

Overheard by: beth

Street guy: Yeah man, I remember you now! Sometimes it’s hard separating friends from people.

–West 46th St.

Overheard by: JGL

Drunk guy talking to cop about his drunk friend hiding behind a lightpost: Can you see him? Can you see my friend, fucker? Damn straight you can’t, he’s got his camouflage on bitch.

–1St & 1St

Overheard by: Erik & Sam

Girl on cell: I don’t even have friends!

–14th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: trix b

Hipster girl: I have a friend who went down on a cab driver…Actually, I have two friends who have gone down on cab drivers!

–Upper West Side

Asian nerd #1 to Asian nerd #2: You are by far the most powerful Jew I’ve ever befriended.

–Columbia Campus

Overheard by: double take

We Recommend 8 Hours of Wednesday One-Liners a Night

Restaurant patron: Wait, you are telling me you never wake up in the middle of the night and think you’re still in jail?

–Mottsu Soho

Overheard by: J

Guy on cell: I’ll be there in a few hours. No! Just wait! I mean can you please just not sleep all day again for three seconds?

–Canal St

Hobo: Sorry to disturb y’all! If you look at me closely, you will see some red marks. I was sleeping on the ground for a couple of days and I did not know that if you smell like food, those big rats will bite you.

–B Train

Overheard by: Jamie Paquette

Guy on cell: Hi. I’m just calling to say . . . ummm . . . I feel really bad about how things are going, how things have been. I don’t know if you got any sleep last night. I know I didn’t. But I guess I turned it to my best advantage, because I just gave the most amazing lecture. I talked for two and a half hours! So I guess I’m not totally useless to everyone.

–Chelsea Station Post Office

Anorexic dancer: Yeah, but I can’t wake up without toilet paper.
Friend: …..
Anorexic dancer: It makes sense to me.

–Meredith Wilson Residence Hall, Juilliard School

Overheard by: cherry

Patron to bartender: I mean, I sleep till 3 p.m., but that’s because I drink and do coke all the time. . . . I guess they do too!

–Barracuda

Wednesday One-Liners are Skin Deep, at Best

Guy, to twin girls: She’s the pretty one.

–8th & Hudson

Overheard by: Michelle

Hobo: Hey, baby! Oh, maaaan. You so gorgeous. I wanna paint you red. You wait. I’m gonna paint you red tonight.

–20th between 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Baby

Hobo to hot girl: I’ve been prairie dogging it the whole train ride, but I just want to tell you that you’re beautiful.

–34th St N station

Overheard by: Lara

Guy on cell: She’s good looking, but not too smart — like Jessica Simpson. Not as dumb as her, but not as hot either, so I guess it kind of evens out.

–Duane Reade, 27th & Madison

Suit to friend: But I was prettier back then.

–Church & Chambers

Guy: Hey, gorgeous, how ya doin’?

Woman ignores him.

Guy: Well, well, well, aren’t we full of ourselves…

–14th & Broadway

Dude: I only went out with her because she knows some hot lesbians.

–Hunter College

Wednesday One-Liners Didn’t Listen to Nancy Reagan

Black guy on cell: Yea! Yea! He just called me up. I was like, "Yo, stop callin me up"… Yea!…. Yea my sister’s on crack!

–Houston & Essex

Overheard by: saywhat?

Suit: Well, I’m a drug dealer, so I have a phone for each kind: a pot phone, a coke phone, you know…

–R train

Queer on cell: Oh my God. I left the check at home. I am such a fucking idiot. I am such a FUCKING idiot! Yeah, I’ll be there at six. Ok. I’ll bring you E and orange juice.

–Bank of America, 6th Ave

Overheard by: CarrieBoo

Bum: Hey… can you spare me $20 dollars, so I can buy some crack cocaine? I mean, I’ll share it with you. I have enough for a 10 but I want a chicken head to slob on my knob while I take a hit…

–96th St Subway Station 1,2,3

Overheard by: Franco

Smooth talker: So my ex-girlfriend was a blonde Long Islander cokehead and now here I am with you. So you can see this is a real step down.

–Les Enfants Terrible, Canal & Ludlow

Overheard by: wants to meet the ex

Hipster: You OD’d? WHERE?

–14th & 6th

Bitter ex: And fuck him and his fuckin’ wooden leg that I didn’t even know he sold crack out of!

–80th & 3rd

Disgusted hipster: I mean, I only do drugs as a joke!

–14th St L station

Overheard by: Em

Who’s Who in Wednesday One-Liners

Student: Did Mohammed invent Arabic with the Koran?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Krisztina

Dude: Help me, Mr. Bloomberg. Please help me, Mr. Bloomberg.

–Rivington & Bowery

Overheard by: Miss V

Girl: Fuckin’ Teddy Roosevelt. Who gives a shit about Teddy Roosevelt?

–5th & 10th

Tourist: I know Kenny Rogers. Doesn’t he make chicken?

–Veniero’s, 11th St

Overheard by: Caitlyn

Biker: I heard George Bush was supposed to be here. Where the hell’s that bitch nigga at?

–World Trade Center

Professor: Madonna has the vulnerability of a cash register.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Girl on cell: She was definitely trying to get me mad. She’s like, “Yeah, people in L.A. hate New Yorkers.” And I’m like, “Are you saying this because I said your boyfriend looks like Chuck Norris?”

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Laura

Wednesday One-Liners Try to Suck Their Own When No One’s Around

Hot chick: What’s the use of having penis-shaped cake pans if you’re not going to put them to use at least once a year?

–Harlem

Overheard by: Gnometastic

Man on cell: Promise me, when you see the giant penis, you will NOT laugh!

–78th between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Stacy in the City

Guy: So I was sucking this guy’s dick… and he has kids!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Ryan

Guido: So did anyone else besides you have a cock in their mouth?

–75th & 3rd

Overheard by: Cody

Careful planner: Now we have to get it out of your pocket and onto your penis.

–168th & Broadway

Guy on cell: So, how many inches do you think I am?

–Columbia University

Teen boy, looking into sex shop: Ooohhh…they got the dick pump!

–38th & 8th

Mama Said There’d Be Wednesday One-Liners Like This

20-Something chick: Yeah, well that was when I used to get drunk with his mother.

–176th St between Audubon & Amsterdam

Overheard by: sj

Drunk girl: I always end up with the ones with mommy issues. Like, does it look like I’m lactating, motherfucker? Didn’t think so.

–Park Slope

Tween boy: Well, my mom was lactating at the time, so I just drank that.

–7th Ave & 5th St, Park Slope

Professor: Mothers are not uncommon in families. Grandmothers don’t count because they’re not sexual threats.

–Fordham

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Construction worker: Yeah, I fucked her and her mom. I know, Ma, I’ll call her back.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Tom

Woman on cell: You need to calm the fuck down. Calm down. You need to calm the fuck down! Bullets do not have names. Mama said that. You be runnin’ around with the crips, with the gangs. You gonna get your ass shot. You listen to me: you need to calm the fuck down!

–Metro-North

Overheard by: MojoSaves

Girl: But, Mom, I can’t trust you if you don’t like me!

–Starbucks, 75th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ali

Ebert and Roeper at the Wednesday One-Liners

Woman, watching Jet Li movie preview: I won’t see it. All they ever do is hop around, and I have no idea what’s going on.

–AMC Theatre, W 42nd St

Overheard by: Jason

Slow learner: Yeah, we just got out of Miami Vice…Yeah, I’ve seen it twice. Trust me: do not see that movie!

–42nd between 9th & 10th

Overheard by: Ash

Young woman: When I went to see Snakes on a Plane, I didn’t think there’d be snakes! On a plane!

–Regal Cinemas, Union Square

Tween boy: After seeing that movie, I have to say: Johnny Knoxville is the most suicidal person next to Jesus.

–C train

Overheard by: Dirty D

Ticket taker, directing people to theater: Go out the window and take a left.

–AMC 25, Times Square

Overheard by: L

Blonde girl: Isn’t Short Circuit the movie with R2D2?

–Rooftop party, W 43rd

Overheard by: Esther

Guy in very crowded train: It felt like Schindler’s List for a second there.

–7 train

Overheard by: giants fan

Wednesday One-Liners Care About Melanin

Girl: You really don’t realize how many Indian kids there are at NYU until you have really shitty sex with one of them and have to try to avoid him.

–Broadway & Waverly

Overheard by: Jake

Indian guy, to white guy: Do you see the color of my skin? I’m obviously more intelligent than you.

–Makers

Very white girl: It was so diverse and, like, I don’t know, I felt like a minority.

—Union Square

Guy: I don’t discriminate based on race, but you in particular are a suspicious-looking motherfucker.

–Red Sky Lounge, 29th & Park

Guy on cell: You fucking idiot. You don’t have jaundice. You’re Asian.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: another asian

Frenchman: Hurry! That chocolate man is taking your parking space!

–Christopher St

Overheard by: Melissa Coppola

Black guy, to white infant: Hey! Hey! Awww, shit. You anotha’ one of dose fucking crackers! Cracker-ass crackers fucking everywhere.

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: The Cracker’s Mama

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist