Lady: Miss, would you please put that cigarette out?
Little person: Miss, mind your own business.
Lady: Well, I don’t need to breathe that. It’s not good for you.
Little person: Yeah, I hear it stunts your growth.
–Bus stop, Cross Bay Blvd & Liberty Ave
Overheard by: Vinnie
Little boy in stroller pats a woman on the thigh reaching for a chain hanging from her pocket.
Woman: Oh, no! You don’t touch strange women! You don’t touch strange women! Otherwise they might touch you back… Oh, aren’t you a sweetheart?! [To his parents] Oh, yeah. He knows what he’s doing.
–Brooklyn-bound L train
Old lady: Take your coat off — it’s a hundred degrees in here!
Old man: Stop talking to me!
–Architectural Digest event, W 59th & 12th
Black lady #1: So, what happened to her?
Black lady #2: She had to have her breast inplates removed! Can you believe that?
Black lady #1: Oh, shit!
–Jamaica Market food court
Overheard by: Pilar
Suit: Sometimes I want to ask Dan* if he’s gay. I can’t figure out if he is or not.
Woman: Is he flamboyant?
Suit: Yeah, but that could be because he’s a southerner.
–550 Madison Ave
Overheard by: DrDorn
Hobo: Hey, doggie. Come here, doggie. Hey, hey, doggie. Come over here.
Woman, pulling dog away on leash: Come, Mikey! Come on!
Hobo, to passerby: You see that? Fuckin’ racist don’t want me touchin’ her dog ’cause I’m fuckin’ black!
Teen passerby: No, sir, it’s because you are homeless.
Hobo: Oh. Well, yeah. There’s that.
–Clinton & Montague, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Mike N
Woman: Breastfeeding her baby is not the same as taking a shit.
Man: Yeah, it is. It’s like shitting in the baby’s mouth.
–3rd & 2nd
Clerk: What about this one?
40-something woman looking at skin-tight, black leather mini dress: Hmmm… I like it, but do you have anything with a little less leather for church?
–Orchard St
Overheard by: what kind of church does she go to?
Young woman: I paid them a little bit. They paid for Mark to go to a 50 thousand dollar drug rehab and recovery program, so I think they’ll be willing to loan us a thousand.
Man: Maybe, but he was taking it up the butt for crack. I think that’s a whole different scenario.
–Staten Island Ferry
Old man picks loose string off back of woman’s coat: You’ve got something there… Ah, now you’re perfect!
Woman: Oh, well, thank you!
Old man: You believe that and you’ll believe anything.
–Stromboli’s Pizza, St. Mark’s & 1st Ave
Overheard by: shankalicious
Headline by: greg
Runners-Up:
· “Like Creationism…” – Drew
· “Now hold still while I examine you for breast cancer” – Zorak
· “On an unrelated note, my penis cures cancer” – Wes Mantooth
· “Puppetmaster IV: The Rude Awakening” – Chris
· “That’s What God Said To Adam & Eve, Too” – fritzy
