9 to 5-ers

Don’t Trust Anybody over Fifty

Customer: How much are money orders here?
Teller: Well, I see that you are over the age of fifty so it’ll be free for you.
Customer: Ok, so can I have a money order for $260?
Teller: Ok, so do you want to pay that in cash or withdraw from your account?
Customer: Excuse me?
Teller: How do you want to provide the funds for the money order?
Customer: I thought you said it was free.
Teller: There is no fee for the money order but you still need to provide the funds for it.
Customer: Oh, well you should have made that clear.
Teller: Wow, I’m sorry.

–Commerce Bank, Jackson Heights

Overheard by: E

Grr Power

Businesschick: Can we have a male do this job?
Businesswoman: Who are you going to find?
Businesschick: You throw another female in the mix, we’re going to go off the deep end.

–Midtown office

Oh. Like a Joke

Older mailman (in AOL voice): You've got mail!
Woman (flatly): Yes.
Older mailman: Like a computer! You've got mail!

–The Village

Overheard by: CS

Wait. Who Drives in New York?

Woman: I just felt it when I ran it over.
Coworker: Wait. An arm?
Woman: Yeah… I think maybe I moved into the wrong neighborhood.
Coworker: You ran over an arm?
Woman: Yup. It was severed just above the elbow.

–Office building elevator, 770 Broadway

Who Is Prima Ballerinia in the Chunkiest 'Swan Lake' in History

Old Russian man (loudly): I like big tutus!
Bank teller: Yes, okay.
Old Russian man: Like my wife!

–Apple Bank, 86th St

Overheard by: hatia

Just Say Non!

Businesschick: You have to learn to say no to those aggressive French men!
Businessman: Do I really?
Businesschick: No, I’m just kidding.

–Midtown Office

Jessica Simpson Has Fallen Upon Hard Times

Male customer (looking dubiously at sandwich in wrapper marked chicken): Is this the fish fillet sandwich I ordered?
Counter person: Yes, the chicken is the fish.

–Wendy’s, Boston Road, The Bronx

Overheard by: Suze V

Thanks, I Used Manic Panic

Businesswoman #1: How are you doing?
Businesswoman #2: Crazy. How are you?
Businesswoman #1: Not as crazy as you, I guess. Your hair looks good today.

–Midotwn office

The Real Reason the Israelites Left

Ghetto store employee #1: Yo, they got people in Egypt?
Ghetto store employee #2: Yeah, they got Pizza Hut an everything. Right across the street from the pyramids an shit.
Ghetto store employee #1: Why they be eatin pizza? It’s hot in the desert they ain’t got to be eatin no hot pizza!

–Mass Produced Clothing Store, SoHo

Then Wouldn’t Wang Be Exactly Your Sort of Thing?

Queer Sales Associate, at promotion for Vera Wang Princess perfume: Are you a princess?
Girl: No
Queer Sales Associate: Then what are you?
Girl: A sex goddess, bitch.

–1st Floor, Macy’s

Overheard by: Isabelle

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