Wednesday One-Liners Need a Fluffer

Queer arguing with boyfriend: I’m just saying, I think it’s weird you shaved your balls and bought porn the one night that I was out of town.

–Outside Bergdorf’s, 5th Ave

Creepster on cell: Yeah, I wanted to tell you that I have that girl ready… The one for the video… You can’t hear me? I’m on a bus, not an airplane! It’s not like I have a cigar in my mouth or anything, and you’re telling me you can’t understand what I’m saying… Yes, I have her ready for the video… The girl! … About twenty minutes… Do you have Viagra in your house? Well go get some! You need Viagra so you can be hard for our movie!

–M4 bus

Overheard by: Hoping the 3rd grader next to me wasn’t paying attention

Queer on cell: I saw the most fucked-up porno the other day. This guy took his boot off, then smacked this other guy in the face with it, then came all over the table, and then made the other guy lick it up… Oddly enough, I was turned on by it. So, if you ever want to smack me with your boot, give me a call.

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Man sprinting up subway stairs: Hey, man, where peep shows at?

–33rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Brian

20-something chick: He says we’ll all be sleeping in a farm house with a pornographer at her wedding.

–Dallas BBQ, Upper East Side

Overheard by: Nipples

Posted on June 28, 2015
Bimbettes, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Creepsters, Kink, On Cell, On the Bus, Queer guys, Sex, Upper East Side

She’s Also Got New York Sarcasm Down Pat

Blonde girl: So, you’re from Puerto Rico and you just moved here? Wow, that’s so exciting! Do you speak Puerto Rican?
Puerto Rican girl: No, but I speak Mexican fluently.

–Tisch Hospital, 33rd & 1st

Overheard by: I speak mexican too

Posted on June 25, 2015
Bimbettes, Hospitals, Languages, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Puerto Ricans, Stupidity

Sure, Why Not?

Girl #1, in Spanish: Yesterday I saw the movie The History of Violence.
Girl #2: Hey, is that the one about the penguins?

–Spanish class, Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Espanola

Posted on June 24, 2015
Animals & Nature, Bimbettes, Classroom, Languages, Movies, Students, Stuyvesant

She Had to Fake It Until His Bar Mitzvah

30’s artist-type woman #1: Ok, so he was a decade younger. But I have an excuse!
30’s artist-type woman #2: His penis excused his age?
30’s artist-type woman #1: Well, I think it grew a half inch per year since the day he was born.

–9th & Bedford, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lauren

Posted on June 23, 2015
Age/Aging, Artists, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Penis, Women

None Of the Best Earthquakes Vacation There

Brunette #1 to friend: I have like no idea what's going on in the world right now. I should start watching the news.
Brunette #2: Well, I heard that Italy is becoming less popular. You know, like on the Richter scale.

–78th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Teresa

Posted on June 23, 2015
Bimbettes, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Idiots, News, Stupidity, Upper East Side

…And Resulted in the Freeing of the Slaves

Frat guy #1: So how do you think you did on your history exam?
Sorostitute: I don’t want to talk about it.
Frat guy #1: Oh come on, it can’t be that bad.
Frat guy #2: She thought World War II happened in the 1970s.

–NYU

Overheard by: Seriously.

Posted on June 17, 2015
Bimbettes, Default, Education, Frat Boys, Friends, Hitler/Nazis, NYU, Offers and requests, Questions, Sorority Girls, Stupidity

I Meant Nowhere White People Would Want to Go

Blond Tourist Bimbo: I’ve never even heard of the G Train.
Blond Local Bimbo: Yeah, it’s a ghetto train.
Blond Tourist Bimbo: Where does it go?
Blond Local Bimbo: Nowhere.
Black eight-year-old boy: Except my home, bitch.

–G train Hoyt/Schermerhorn station

Overheard by: Ian Robertson

Posted on June 14, 2015
Bimbettes, Black People, Kids, Money & Class, On the Subway

Don’t Worry, It Didn’t Notice

Chick: Oh my God! I forgot I was in New York!

–Astor Place

Posted on June 11, 2015
Bimbettes, NYC Geography, One-liners, Stupidity, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners Know It’s Better to Look Good Than to Feel Good

Girl: I want a Marc Jacobs bag, and I don’t care if it’s made of baby cow!

–Outside the Met

Overheard by: wants baby cow bag, too

Guy, explaining his pants: Yeah, they look gay, but they make my junk look huge.

–Midtown

Man picking up trash to woman picking up trash: How you gonna make ten dollars an hour and have people making minimum wage looking better than you?

–Madison Sq Park

Shopaholic: I know! One time I thought there was more to life than that. But then I went back to Bloomingdale’s.

–59th & Madison

Overheard by: DM Cook

Teenage girl on phone: So where are you?…So,what happened?…Not to your shoe! In the hospital!

–Central Park

Overheard by: concerned trespasser

Cougar-in-Training, looking at non-trendy partygoers: Clearly they don’t belong here.

–Rooftop party, the SoHo House

Posted on June 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Biotechs, Central Park, Fashion, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Penis, Preppies, Shopping, Soho, Teens, Upper East Side

You Sure It Wasn’t a Roach?

Girl #1: Dreadlocks are so dirty. How do you wash them?
Girl #2: My friend told me about this guy she knew whose dreads were so dirty that one day he found a scorpion in them.
Girl #3: Are you sure it wasn’t just lice?
Girl #2: No, it was a scorpion.
Girl #4: Well, wait, where was he from?
Girls #1, #3, and #4, together: Jamaica?

–41st & Madison

Overheard by: Scorpions are creepy

Posted on May 31, 2015
Bimbettes, Cleanliness, Girls, Global Geography, Hair, Idiots, Insects, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions

Bimbettes