Little boy: What is that?
Mom: That’s a brain.
Little boy: Evil brain?
Mom: No, it’s not evil.
–Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport
Little boy: What is that?
Mom: That’s a brain.
Little boy: Evil brain?
Mom: No, it’s not evil.
–Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport
Pilot on intercom: This is a non-smoking flight. Please do not smoke until… ever. Smoking is bad for you.
–American Airlines flight
Ghetto mom to lady with cigarette: Bitch, you just ashed on my baby!
–Outside Times Square Toys ‘R’ Us
Overheard by: trying not to ash on the stroller myself
Professor arguing with student: I’m just giving you a hard time. I accidentally bought the low-dose Nicotine gum, and it’s just not cutting it.
–100 Washington Sq East
Little girl: Mommy, you know how it’s cool to wear black? Maybe having black lungs is cool, too!
–Bodies Exhibit, South St Seaport
Conductor: As a reminder, there is no smoking allowed in the train restrooms. We know who you are.
–Amtrak Acela approaching Penn Station
Overheard by: wasn’t me
Red-faced white guy: Augh! I was just so mad at him! I couldn’t take it anymore. I hate that guy so much! I want to bust him in his face and take all his teeth. I’d grind ’em up and smoke them. Smoke his teeth right there in front of him.
–PATH, 9th St
Overheard by: Zenana
Chick: I think I’m going to take up smoking in order to make friends.
–Christopher & Bleecker
Windbreaker guy: So, we go to dinner, and she tells me I’m boring, that we never do anything different.
Tweed blazer guy: So, what are you going to do?
Windbreaker guy: Next time we have sex I’m going to pull out and ejaculate on her feet.
–79th & Broadway
Man to fat lady holding up traffic on the stairs: Excuse me, ma’am. Do you need a hand?
Fat lady: Do I need a hand? Yeah, I need a hand, a foot, an arm, a leg… Shit, nigga, I need a mink coat!
–Subway exit stairs, 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky
Bimbette #1: My brain hurts. That Chemistry test made me think too much.
Bimbette #2: Well, yeah. I mean, you were using it, and it is the largest muscle in the human body.
Bimbette #1: Oh, right.
Bimbette #2: Wait… Or is it the heart?
Bimbette #1: No, I think your brain is definitely bigger. But who cares, I just want to pop some Advil.
–NYU
Overheard by: Amateur Brain Cardiologist
Guy #1: Why is it even called ‘Fear Factor‘? It has nothing to do with fear… It’s just gross.
Guy #2: Yeah, really. It should be called ‘Gross-out Factor.’
Guy #1: Think about it. It’s not like people are scared of eating… like… intestines. It’s just gross. People aren’t like, ‘Ahhh, intestines!’
Guy #2: Yeah, it’s not like I wake up in a cold sweat to intestines…
–R train
Girl #1: Wow, did you know that you get, like, eight thousand dollars when you donate your eggs?
Girl #2: I am so doing that. I would buy a Fendi Spy Bag.
–Movie theater, Cobble Hill
Overheard by: Lia
Girl #1: What do you think of this dress?
Girl #2: It’s cute! But, oh my god, what is that weird bulge?
Girl #1: Ew! This sucks, my hernia totally got bigger!
Girl #3 yelling from another stall: Did you just say your hernia got bigger?!
Girl #1: Shhh! I’m so embarrassed!
Girl #2: Don’t worry, it’s just Forever 21.
–Dressing room, Forever 21, Union Square
Overheard by: Gillian
Girl: It was great — so smooth and quiet and roomy — there was tons of leg room!
Guy: Mhmmm…
Girl: Like, like, say these are my knees…
Guy: Those are your knees.
–Outside Penn Station
B&T girl #1, looking at gourds: That looks like a tumor!
B&T girl #2: That looks like my ovary!
–Union Square Farmers Market
Overheard by: Glynda
