Girl: Does titty-fucking actually feel good? Or does it just look hot?
Boy: Actually, it makes me physically ill. It gives me vertigo.
Girl: Should I eat my earwax?
–91st & 6th
Son: Today someone in class called me a ‘Jew.’
Drunk dad: Did you tell them your dad’s Presbyterian and your mom’s a bitch?
–42nd & 8th
Teen boy tourist #1: Okay, finally we’re on the damn train.
Teen boy tourist #2: Yeah, for real. Take forever, god!
Teen boy tourist #1: Hey, you know, those people lied to us! They said we can take the N, but this one is going to 14th Street, too. I read the map.
Teen boy tourist #2: Why did they lie to us?
Teen boy tourist #1: Probably because we were acting like such tourists. That’s probably what they do, just stand in the subway waiting to prey on confused tourist kids.
Teen boy tourist #2: We should get some iPods. That would fix it.
Teen boy tourist #1: Why would that fix it?
Teen boy tourist #2: Look around. I count five people on this train with iPods. They make you look ‘New York.’
–Downtown W train
Overheard by: The N would have gotten you there faster…
Headline by: Sean Boudreau
Runners-Up:
· “But the fold up maps make us look like we’re from Jersey.” – Jeff
· “For every ipod in the subway, apple kills a tourist” – monkey
· “Know What Else Is Authentic? Gunshot Wounds” – J.M. Berger
· “Losing The “God Hates Fags” Shirts Would Also Help” – miss c
· “New York: Uhh, Lose Ten Pounds, Convert to Judaism, and Maybe We’ll Talk” – salute deez nuts
· “Nobody tell them about the secret handshake” – Destroyer
· “Sure, you can buy the ipod, but the disaffected stare can only be acquired from years of indifference” – morgz
· “That look isn’t new york, it’s contempt” – squirrel
· “You can keep them in your fanny packs” – jh
Teen boy: I couldn’t put it all the way in, though.
Teen girl: Ew, ew, ew.
Teen boy: I don’t know how they do that in pornos.
Teen girl: One second — are you gay?
Teen boy: Not really. Like, I’d totally do you.
Teen girl: You wish! Got Jake’s shit all over your dick. Ain’t no way.
–Smiling Pizza, 7th Ave, Park Slope
Headline by: Malingerer
Runners-Up:
· “Bi-curiousity killed the pussy” – Mojosaves
· “Have your jake and eat it too” – teensaredisgusting
· “He called ‘no homo'” – Jedipus
· “He probably couldn’t put it all the way in, because he’s not willing to come all the way out” – Ryan
· “Jake the German Shepherd was extra eager to meet his master that night.” – Adrenna
· “Methinks the lady doth protest too much” – assley
· “The Straw That Brokeback Mountain” – B
· “The shit washes off. The gay? Not so much.” – Sean
· “Then How ’bout a Dirty Sanchez?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “When the front door slams shut, sometimes the back door opens” – steve devan
· “You say tomato, I say hepatitis” – Mark Poepsel
Little boy: Do you play basketball?
Black man: Yes I do.
Little boy: Do you play for the Knicks?
Boy’s mom: Yes, professional basketball players spend their time off doing sudoku puzzles on the subway. Let’s go.
–Downtown 1 train
Overheard by: Allisa
Little boy: Ewww…ewww….
Mom: Stop saying ewww..those are bras..
Little boy: I hate bras
Mom: Don’t say that, you’ll change your mind when you gets older.
–JC Penney lingerie department, Queens
Overheard by: a fellow shopper
Boy 1: Hey, what was that Exodus story about the burning bush? You know, didn’t God give him something?
Boy 2: Yeah, God gave him the holy weed, and he smoked it.
–F train
Overheard by: Fareeda
Mother: Bitches, get your asses over here!
Son #1: There’s no seats.
Mother: There’s one right here next to me.
Son #2: I wanna sit next to him.
Mother: I said, motherfuckers, get your asses over here. I don’t want to sit by myself.
Son #1: There’s nowhere to sit!
Mother: I said, get over here. I don’t want to sit by myself. I don’t know no one over here!
Older woman: Don’t no one make friends with her.
–A train
Overheard by: Rehey
Little boy, looking at transvestite: Daddy, is that a boy or a girl?
Dad: It’s a boy.
Little boy: But boys don’t wear dresses!
Transvestite: Child, you got a lot to learn.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Jeremy
Dad, to little boy holding on to chain-link fence: Get off of that! You can’t climb on that!
Son: But why?
Dad: Because it’s art! And I said so.
–Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park, DUMBO
Overheard by: Lady
