Woman #1: I called him and I called him, and he kept letting it go to voice mail!
Woman #2: Well, maybe he wasn’t there. Or maybe he just didn’t want to talk to you.
Woman #1: But, like, it could’ve been Jesus on the phone! And he wasn’t answering!
Woman #2: Uh, Jesus wouldn’t call on a cell phone.
–M15 bus
Black woman #1, to black woman #2: That’s a real cute phone for a nigger without a job.
–Sprint Store
Overheard by: wigger with a job
Guy: I dunno, if I had that much money, I’d spend it on something else. Like pants made of diamonds…Or hookers made of gold.
–Lafayette & Bond
Overheard by: jayloo
Hobo, to baby in stroller: You’re a fucking moron, kid, wasting all your money on that shit!
–Central Park
Overheard by: PeggyG.
Girl on cell: I mean is UPS trying to alienate all of New York City? Seriously!
–Prince & 6th
Guy: Is it wrong to break up with someone with a text message? No, right?
–Black and White Bar, 86 E. 10th St.
Overheard by: Andy De Mars
Student: Once at the restaurant I saw a guy take a picture of one the kids with his camera phone. And I had no idea what to do…
Professor: Well, I can't talk about that with you because… That's weird.
–Pratt Institute
NYU girl to friend: So then he like bitched me out, hardcore, in a text. And he didn’t talk to me for like a day so I was just like, “Ugh, whatever.” But then he ended our relationship on facebook! And I was just like, “Oh my god!” I need someone who’s mature, y’know?
Friend: Oh… Yeah. Totally.
–NYU
Overheard by: Clook
Boyfriend, looking at girlfriend's iPhone: Who is this guy Nick that you're talking to?
Ditzy girlfriend: Whatever…you don't have to worry about him. He's from New Jersey, so I would never touch him.
Boyfriend: What's that have to do with anything?
Ditzy girlfriend: Hello! Everyone knows that everyone in New Jersey has STDs!
–7 Train
Headline by: kate
Runners-Up:
· “Experience=Wisdom” – Fresca
· “I Only Cheat on You Within the Five Boroughs” – The Cleveland Kid
· “It’s Why They Have 50 Different Words for Painful Urination” – Brother Elmer
· “Nick: I Told Her That’s Not What “Suburbia” Is…” – Porter
· “Why Lincoln & Holland Toll Takers Wear Gloves” – Leary Blaine
Hipster dude #1, about broken cell: What a pain in the ass! How did they do it before?
Hipster dude #2: Before, they made plans. You know, ‘I’ll meet you there at this time.’ And then they did it.
Hipster dude #1: Oh, that. I don’t like it.
–4th Ave & 11th St
Hot chick: My phone has finally learned to spell ‘cock’ and ‘anal’! I’m so proud!
–King’s Head Tavern, 14th St
Overheard by: Argopelter
Girl on cell: Listen, you in Rikers — you lucky you ain’t get three years! … And you stayin’ there, ’cause I ain’t bailin’ you out… Oh, whatever — if I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t be usin’ my daytime minutes.
–W train, Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Juan Moment
Chick on cell: I am your phone sex Yoda! Come, my young padawan! Come!
–Steinway & Ditmars
Overheard by: using the force
Cross-eyed JAP on cell: No, seriously, it’s not my phone. I think there’s something wrong with my chin.
–Times Square
Overheard by: NathAnonymous
Chick on cell: Um, it’s me, and you know what? I just sent you and email that was all like, “I don’t want to think about it, I just want to blah blah blah.” I changed my mind. I do want to think about it, and you know what happens when I do? I say, ew! Yuck, yuck, yuck, ew, ew, yuck. argh! Ugh! Ugh! I’m so grossed out right now I cannot even tell you. What a fucking asshole. Asshole, asshole, asshole. I hate him, I hate him. He’s a big dick. A big dick. Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I’m walking around the streets of New York swearing, but god knows I’m not the first person. Holy shit, what a dick. Ew. Ugh, ugh, ugh. Call me back. Bye!
–Union Square
Guy #1: I can’t believe no one’s taking pictures of this. Doesn’t anyone have a camera?
Guy #2, pulling cell from pocket: I have a camera. It’s my cell phone.
Guy #1: Wait a minute, we all have cameras!
–Life Cafe, 10th St & Ave B
