Wednesday Wants to Get in Your One-Liners

FedEx guy to passerby: Hey, they’re my trousers! What are you doing wearing my fuckin’ trousers?!

–Houston & 1st

Man with water-cooler jug of coins: Please give to help the homeless. Anything can help… A smile, a pork chop, a pair of pants…

–55th & 5th

Jersey hoochie walks by, her thong showing conspicuously.

Matter-of-fact mom to eight-year-old son: That girl’s going to lose her pants.

–NJ Transit terminal, Penn Station

Overheard by: cockrin

Guy on phone: … And so I put my hands in his pants and realized, ‘Oh my god, I’m gay!’

–McDonald’s, Times Square

Little boy to mother: These pants are too small! I’m gonna get a yeast infection if I put these on!

–Target

Overheard by: The dressing room next door

Posted on October 24, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-or-the-Other-Liners

Charity worker: Help the homeless! [Androgynous person walks by] Even a pretty girl… boy… whatever-that-was can help!

–Times Square

Chick, wistfully: That was Vadim. He was from St. Petersburg. When we broke up he stole all my dresses.

–A train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Large black security guard, inspecting guy’s Sephora bag: You da man!

–Hayden Planetarium

Pierced 20-ish chick: So, the last time I pegged a guy he wouldn’t stop jabbering on and on about how much he loved trannies. It just made me shove in the strap-on harder.

–Delancey & Orchard

Overheard by: Californian

Guy: I sirred a ma’am today. But, in my defense, she was a very sir-able ma’am.

–33rd & Broadway

Posted on October 24, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Clothing, Compliments, Fire, Gender issues, Global Geography, Kink, Panhandling, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Here’s Binky to Explain

Old lady with dog in stroller: I’ve met you before.
Old lady with three dogs on a leash: Oh, really? Where?
Old lady with dog in stroller: You were at the nail shop. You asked me about my unitard.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Posted on October 23, 2007
Clothing, Nostalgia, Old People, West Village, Women

And Neither Will Thousands of YouTube Viewers

Older drunk, tightly hugging young guy: … And don’t think I’m gonna forget. When that happened, who gave me new underwears and washed my ass?
Younger guy, trying to get away: Man, just forget about that!
Older drunk: No! I’m not gonna forget about that!

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Posted on October 13, 2007
Ass, Assholes, Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Clothing, Compliments, Creepsters, Drunks, Men, Nice People, Old People

Always an Issue with Arm’s-Length Relationships

Asian queer, looking over his shoulder: I think I jerked him off.
Italian queer: Who?
Asian queer: That guy in the green shirt… It’s pretty bad when you can’t keep track of all the people you’ve jerked off.

–Union Square

Posted on October 12, 2007
Asians, Clothing, Gripes, Guidos, Hand-Jobs, Nostalgia, Queer guys, Questions, Talking/Convos, Union Square and East Village

Fucking Metrosexuals Ruin My Mocking Buzz

Pointing hobo: Your zipper! Hahaha!
Whitey: It’s a button fly.
Hobo: Goddamn. Second time today…

–Flushing & Portland, Navy Yard, Brooklyn

Posted on October 6, 2007
Brooklyn, Clothing, Gripes, Hobos, White People

Oh, Wait, It’s Mine

Conductor: The train is crowded. Please — arms, legs, bags, coats, hats, scarves — pull them in. I cannot close the doors.
Dude: You know it’s someone’s ass…

–1 train

Overheard by: wasn’t my ass

Posted on October 1, 2007
Ass, Clothing, Conductors, On the Subway

That’s Just What You Want, Stanley

Ghetto queer, about passerby: Damn, girl, you see that skinny bitch’s shirt?
Friend: No…
Ghetto queer: It said, ‘I always get what I want.’ Yeah right, nigga. That’s some bullshit if I ever heard it. If you always got what you wanted, you wouldn’t be dressing in ghetto-ass t-shirts from the Dollar Store and walking around this neighborhood. You’d be dressin’ all Gucci and shit and livin’ on Park Avenue.

–147th & Broadway