Compliments

Hobo: My, you are dressed sharp.
Suit: Thanks. [Hands him a dollar.]Hobo: You so sharp, I’m afraid to touch you ’cause I’ll get cut! You know, ladies love the sharp-dressed men!

–Manhattan-bound 7 train

Overheard by: Lady Who Loves Him

Suit #1: She’s smart, funny, beautiful… What more could you ask for?
Suit #2: Yeah, but she probably votes. I don’t like women that vote.

–Union Station

Overheard by: Jacksonian Democracy

Dude: I’m sorry. I feel like I’m talking too much.
Chick: It’s okay — I like to hear you talk.
Dude: Well, I like to hear you listen.

–9th & 2nd

Mom: You’re going to have a great time.
Kid: But is Chicago safe?
Mom: Of course it is! Oprah lives there!

–JFK

Geek: I feel like a douche.
Chick: Seriously, if you ever feel like a dork go to any Blockbuster, look at the employees, and you’ll see how cool you are.

–31st & 21st

Overheard by: deltachub

Girl watching Oscars: Oh my god, I love Scorsese! He’s so cute. I just want to have him in my pocket.

–10th & 5th

Seven-year-old girl on cell: Oh my gosh, Carrie! In Macy’s my mom just bought me the cutest Coach bag and matching scarf!

–34th St

Overheard by: georgia

Teen girl: Dude, whatever… Some bums are really cute!

–10th & 7th, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oliver

Latino goth muscle-man to girl: I know, but, like, spiritually? Emotionally? I have the cutest, pinkest little vagina [makes triangle formation with fingers over crotch]… And it’s tight.

–F train

Overheard by: meg

Dean of Students’ Services to third year student: You’d make a cute pregnant woman.

–Columbia Law School

Girl: I think having a cunt is cute!

–15th & 6th

Overheard by: Oh my

Artsy 30-something #1: I remember this one photograph — this beautiful transsexual Latino in a clam like the Venus de Milo.
Artsy 30-something #2: Yes, I actually helped organize that picture.
Artsy 30-something #1: Oh, really? How was she?
Artsy 30-something #2: Beautiful. She lactated.
Artsy 30-something #1: Nice.

–Tea & Sympathy

Overheard by: No milk in my tea, thanks….

Headline by: bri b

Runners-Up:

· “HeShe’s a Lactina.” – Amanda Lee

· “Out of her penis.” – Kate

· “Wait until you see my menstrating Pieta” – Sean McGurr

· “We named it Penis de Milko” – Erez Schatz


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Woman: I really enjoyed your book.
Man: I loved your poetry. I wish I understood it.

–Barnard College

Overheard by: Meredith

Guy: These shoes are so comfortable I can walk in them!
Girl: That could quite possibly be the dumbest shit you have ever said.

–Neptune Ave & Ocean Pkwy

Overheard by: i am that guy

Young ticket clerk: Ma’am, are you expecting a baby?
Young woman in baby doll dress: No! I’m not pregnant at all! [She shakes her head in disgust and stomps into theater.]Young ticket clerk, screaming after her with arms in the air: You still fine as hell, though!

–AMC Loews, 42nd St

Overheard by: Tina