Drunk lady: Have you seen my coat?
Girl wearing fake moustache: You didn’t bring a coat.
Drunk lady: Yes, yes I did, I had a coat. I put it right over…
Girl wearing fake moustache: No, I’m sorry, ma’am, you didn’t bring a coat.
Drunk lady: I know I brought a coat — I can’t find my coat!
Girl wearing fake moustache [hula-hooping her hips and pointing to her crotch]: Sometimes my vagina goes like this.
–Red Rock West
Overheard by: rachel
Drunk girl: Is that a bathroom I see?
Conductor: It’s out of order.
Drunk girl: Ok, I’m going in there.
Conductor: It’s out of order!
Drunk girl’s friend: I don’t think we can use that one, let’s go find a place to squat.
–LIRR
Overheard by: hbs
Guy #1: You know what the best thing ever is?
Guy #2: No, what?
Guy #1: When you wake up in the morning and have absolutely no idea what happened the night before or how you got home.
Guy #2: Ummm, not so sure that is the best.
–Brooklyn bound F train
Drunk ponytailed guy: So, like what’s our situation?
Girl: Ummm, what do you mean?
Drunk ponytailed guy: Like do you … want me to come up?
Girl: What part of your ponytail makes you think I’d go home with you tonight?
–Bleecker & MacDougal
Drunk southern sailor: Yo! Where can we get some punani? Dave needs to milk it! I have a girlfriend, and he’s got a girlfriend, but I’m throwing that to the wind and getting on it
Sailor #2: No way man, we’re in our whites.
–12th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: cp
Old drunk guy: You guys know anything about health and nutrition?
Guy: Clearly not, as we’re drinking beer.
Old drunk guy: Oh… Good point. Well, this may be weird, but remember the Holocaust? Yeah, the Germans found out that the best diets are when you eat the same thing that you’re made of. You know… They learned this because, you know, they would feed families to one another but nobody else realized it. This is why it’s good to eat red meat. Yeah, pretty crazy huh? Ok, bye.
Guy: Yikes.
–Ryan’s Daughter, 85th & 1St
Overheard by: Greg
Bouncer: Your ID doesn’t scan…
Drunk boy: Are you kidding? I paid extra for scanable.
–Mercury Bar
Drunk queer #1: Hey, let’s get some food!
Drunk queer #2: I don’t have any money!
Drunk queer #1: That’s alright. Papi will pay…if you nibble his foreskin!
Drunk queer #2: Alright. Where do you wanna go?
–17th & 5th
Sassy woman: No, no, no, no. What I don’t think you understand is, his parents are his mother and a pimp.
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: Alex
Drunk girl: I don’t want to be sold for five dollars on the street!
–1st Ave between 2nd & 3rd
Overheard by: Kira
Record label coordinator: This company needs a hit like a crackwhore on payday.
–150 5th Ave
Addiction expert: I don’t think he’s addicted to porn, but I think he does, like, coke off hookers’ asses.
–6 train, 68th St
Old Jewess: I couldn’t tell if they were singers or prostitutes.
–1 train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Kimdog
Man on cell: So then the hooker walked in with a squeegee. Then I knew it had gone way too far!
–Times Square
Guy: She’s kind of the President of the Prostitute Guild.
–Hughes Ave, the Bronx
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Drunk girl #1: I can’t believe he offered us $20 for that.
Drunk girl #2: We should have just took it. $20 is $20. We didn’t even have to do anything. We didn’t even have to look!
Drunk girl #1: Yeah, true, but can you imagine if those other two came around the corner while he was doing that.
Drunk girl #2: Yeah, you’re right. They would not only think we were crackheads, but prostitutes too.
–Woodlawn
