Wednesday-One-Liners Head to Pound Town

Drinking college co-ed: It was like, my brain shut off, and my genitals went ‘woo-hoo!’

–60th & Amsterdam

Guy on cell: Sorry, I couldn’t make it. I was tied up. Hopefully, next time it’ll be you.

–116th & Broadway

Gay black man to black woman: Girl, I know the perfect guy for you. He will beast fuck you. He will fuck you like a white girl.

–Greenwich & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Artie

Black guy: I’ll do the wheelbarrow on the first date, I don’t give a fuck!

–Downtown 6 train

Overheard by: biz

Girl in bathroom stall: How many guys can I sleep with in a week and not be a slut?

–Soundz Lounge, Lasalle St & Broadway

Girl: I wondered why you kept talking about pony play!

–Elevator, 168th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Peter Pecker

Well-dressed man on cellphone: He must have had a dildo in his pants, and she grabbed onto that. It’s the only way they could have worked it.

–La Giancoma, second intermission, Metropolitan Opera

Overheard by: Schroeder

Posted on November 25, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Dildos and Vibrators, Elevators, Hook Ups, Hootchies, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Union Square and East Village, Yeaaahhh College!

Eh, the Whole Country Was Roofied in 2000 and Then Again in 2004

Trendy girl #1: So, I’m fairly sure I was roofied this weekend.
Trendy girl #2: (mildly interested) Oh?
Trendy girl #1: Yeah, but he was tall, rich and handsome, so I guess it could be worse, right?
(trendy girl #2 nods and shrugs)

–Midtown Office Elevator

Posted on November 19, 2014
Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drugs, Elevators, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Office, Questions, Weirdness

Since You Treat Him Like Shit

Girl #1: On Facebook, there's this girl that Matt went to a concert with over the summer, and she keeps poking him.
Girl #2: Ew! Okay, I'd be worried about that if I were you.

–Elevator, Barnard College

Posted on November 15, 2014
Columbia (& Barnard), Elevators, Facebook, Girls, Music, Relationships

So You Want to Make the Little Nuggets?

Mom: You poor hungry boy… I’ll make dinner for you as soon as we get home.
Six-year-old son, sullenly: Okay.
Mom: Do you want macaroni and cheese? How about pasta? I can make you those little nuggets. [Son shakes his head.] Oh, is it the other kind of hunger? Do you have to poop? [Son nods.]

–Elevator, Washington Heights

Overheard by: Morgan

Posted on October 28, 2014
Boys, Elevators, Food, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parents, Poop

We Hereby Close the Peter Braunstein Case

Guy #1: …So he killed himself.
Guy #2: Wow.
Guy #1: Yeah. But at least he gave her gonorrhea first.

–Palladium elevator, East 14th Street

Posted on October 23, 2014
Elevators, Guys, STDs, Suicide

In the Absence of Explosions, the Fundamental Things Apply

Attorney: You hear about that guy with the bombs in Atlantic City?
Elevator guard: Yeah.
Attorney: At the showboat, man.
Elevator guard: Good buffet there.

–Queens Supreme Court elevator

Posted on October 22, 2014
Elevators, Lawyers, Queens, Rumor Has It

I’m Sure the Exes Don’t Count Them Either

Woman #1: I’ve been with him for five years.
Woman #2: Wow. That’s the longest you’ve been with anyone, isn’t it?
Woman #1: Yes…unless you count my two marriages.

–Midtown elevator

Overheard by: Tommy Raiko

Posted on October 18, 2014
Elevators, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Relationships, Women

Wednesday One-liners for the Tots

Little girl: Mommy, how old will I be when I have sex?

–18th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mayde and Daniel

Posted on October 10, 2014
College, Elevators, Fordham, Ghetto Chicks, Health and Hygiene, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Should've Used a Condom, Stupidity, The Bronx, Upper East Side, Violence

I Know A Guy Who Might Be Interested

Woman, 70s: …she’s had a heart attack, her legs don’t work, and on top of all that, she’s crazy!

–St. Vincent’s Hospital elevator

Overheard by: Jay Parkinson

Posted on October 9, 2014
Elevators, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Old People, One-liners

The Governor's Accent Tends to Throw People Off

Guy #1, wearing American Apparel sweater: Brr.
Guy #2: Man, I freaking hate American Apparel!
Guy #1: Yeah, this sweater's thin as hell!
Guy #2: No, I mean like they're all “American” Apparel” so they can sell to Americans, pretending to be made by Americans. Meanwhile, their clothes are being made in California!

–Elevator, St. George Hotel, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Crazy Person

Posted on September 24, 2014
Brooklyn, Clothing, Elevators, Gripes, Guys, Hotels, Idiots, Shopping, Stupidity, U.S. Geography

Elevators