Etiquette

Lady suit: Do you think anyone would notice if I just popped a squat and urinated everywhere?

–Port Authority

12-year-old girl: And then… He, like… peed in my mouth. It was kinda gross.

–Eddie’s Sweet Shop

Overheard by: Yorick

Man peeing on the street: Watch the stream, watch the stream!

–W 4th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Maya G.

Black guy to coworker: What about that golden shower I had the other night?

–NYU Weinstein Dining Hall

Middle-aged convention female attendee: I didn’t know that urinals flushed. Did you know urinals flushed? Who would have thought?

–Javits Convention Center

Overheard by: Hector

Drunk man to embarrassed friend: Did I tell you about the time I peed on a bum? For real, I did! I was just taking a leak and looked down like: "Oh shit, is that a person?" He looked up on me and said: "Hey, you just peed on me!" And I did! I peed on him! Then I put myself in his shoes like: "What if someone peed on me?" I’d be pissed! That’s some fucked up shit, man. So I gave him ten bucks.

–A Train

Teenage Guy: Hahaha, I just put my sac on your arm!
Teenage Girl: What the fuck do you think gives you the right to do that?
Teenage Guy: Well, we’re dating, aren’t we?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Snow White

Hobo: Sir, can I trouble you for a cigarette?
Suit #1: Yeah no problem, man.
Hobo: Have a light, too?
Suit #1: Sure.
Hobo: Thanks, man… get the FUCK outta my face!
Suit #2: Only in NYC, man…

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Rob

Black woman: You cut in front of him because he’s black!
White woman: I did not, I just didn’t see him!
Black woman: You didn’t see him because he’s too black?

–Bloomingdale’s

Guy #1: Secrets are meant to be kept in your head, not in a book.
Guy #2: Sometimes I forget those secrets and need a reference!

–Midtown Comics

Girl #1: Oh my god! I just heard that Katie Holmes had her baby! Katie Holmes had her baby, everyone!
Girl #2: Xenu commands you to shut the fuck up while I’m on the phone with my dealer.

–6th Avenue & West 4th Street

Overheard by: Robin M.

(cf. When we broke this story.)

Construction guy: Can’t we move this line a little faster? This line isn’t moving anywhere. What’s with this line?
Lady: Here, you can go ahead of me.
Construction guy: I’m using humor, lady. This is just humor. I’m not serious here. [Gets in front of her in line.]

–4th St

Overheard by: the girl who fainted at Starbucks

Woman: Have you ever been to Chelsea piers?
Man: No, I can’t say I have.
Woman: Oh. It’s wonderful. It has a great view of New Jersey.
Man: (sounding disgusted) Oh. (feigning interest) New Jersey, huh?

–Elevator, 25th & 8th

Hobo: Can you spare some change?…Hey, could I have another one?
Man #1: What? Another dollar? I already gave you one; fuck you!
Man #2: Now that’s what I call an ungrateful motherfucker.

–6 train

Overheard by: Rita E.

Black female customer: “Forget it, girl you must be suffering from NIGligence”

– At Au Bon Pain on 37th & 5th, when she just missed the 4-6pm half price baked goods by one minute, and the black female who worked behind the register would not let her buy them for half price