Girl #1: I’m so pissed, I didn’t even get to sleep last night.
Girl #2 tries to whisper back: It’s not his fault, why didn’t you complain when he was doing it to you.
[elevator goes silent]
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Chelsea B.
Girl #1: I’m so pissed, I didn’t even get to sleep last night.
Girl #2 tries to whisper back: It’s not his fault, why didn’t you complain when he was doing it to you.
[elevator goes silent]
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Chelsea B.
(a very obnoxious, lingering fart was dropped and filled the entire car during rush hour)
Teen girl to friend: Ohmigod! Let’s get out of here, it smells like shit!
Old man, five minutes later: What’s the matter with you fucking people? Somebody open up a god damned window!
–2 Train
Redhead guy: Achoo!
Suit: Bless you.
Redhead guy: Achoo!
Suit: Bless you.
Redhead guy: Achoo!
Suit: Bless you.
Redhead guy: Achoo!
Suit: Stop it!
–4 train
Overheard by: Sromeo
Hipster chick: Oh! Thanks for carrying my bag!
Hipster guy: No problem. I’ll just masturbate on your face later.
Hipster chick, laughing: Well, I didn’t want to say it in public…
–Deli, 9th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: didn’t want to know that
Mom: You could have held the door for me, Tommy, that's what a man does.
Tommy: I'm a boy.
–Hallway, Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center
Man, from second floor window: Bye, babe, can't wait to see you again!
Woman, passing by: You wanna fuck me again, you better get me pizza next time!
–Bradhurst Ave & 150th St
Girl #1: I mean, really, she was doing cocaine at her father’s memorial service.
Girl #2: I know. Me and Ashley were like, “We’re no prudes, but there’s such a thing as decorum.”
–84th & Madison
Guy: Hey, if you’re gonna pee you could at least find someone to clean it up. Did you hear me? If you’re gonna urinate on the street, you could at least find someone to clean up after you!
Hobo: How about you go fuck yourself, motherfucker? How about that?
–Murray & West Broadway
Overheard by: Cait
Dude to pal: Hey, it’s nice out — we should go get handjobs.
–Old Town Tavern, 18th & Park
Overheard by: not a bad idea
Saleslady to another: The nicer I am to my boyfriend, the crappier he treats me. Maybe I will bake him something with a laxative in it…
–Queens Mall
Hobo orator: Forty-second Street was a nice place — full of crackheads — until Guiliani came around and cleaned it up.
–N/R/Q station, 42nd St
Dad with two kids, in sing-song voice: Stop it… Stop it… Please be good… Please be nice… Please stop biting me…
–LIRR waiting area, Penn Station
Pilot: Passengers in first class will be receiving a nice, warm breakfast served by our lovely stewardesses… Coach will be receiving cold breakfast. [Pause] Wow, that really sucks.
–Connecting flight to Gatwick Airport
Overheard by: Annoyed Passenger
Loud guy on cell: I did it because I’m a really nice guy. I have a great line of credit at Circuit City.
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Snapdragon
New Waiter: So I learned a secret tonight. The words “Cheers” and “Brilliant” apparently mean “I’m going to leave you a bad tip”.
Old Waiter: You’re just now learning that? That’s Day One shit.
–Capital Grille, Midtown
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
