Mother #1: Yeah, Thanksgiving is so crazy. I decided long ago not to travel; it’s too much with the kids.
Mother #2: I know. I went to California once with the kids, and it was insane!
Mother #1: We just have a nice, quiet dinner at home.
Mother #2: I know! Once, we had a pantsless Thanksgiving. We all sat around the table without any pants on and ate dinner. The boys were crawling on the table, it was great!
Mother #1: Yikes…
–Avenue of the Americas
Dude: Well, it would be really nice if I could sleep with your sister.
–Washington Sq South
White girl: Well, if I’m so white, why do I have an uncle named Juan?!
–Hunter College
Scandinavian-looking girl: My mama has brothers who were Nazis. That’s why we don’t talk to them anymore. Oh, and because they’re dead, too.
–Bloomingdales
Girl crying and pleading with bouncer after he took her fake ID: But I need that back! It’s my sister’s, and she’s dead!
–Union Bar, Park Ave South
Overheard by: BOB Sled
Loud black chick on cell: Yo, mom, I’m gonna fuck your daughter up!
–H&M, Herald Square
Overheard by: Limey
Chick: I told her if she don’t sign it, I’m gonna dig Daddy up and set him on her porch.
–18th & Park
Overheard by: Tony Jones
Woman on cell: Do we have a conscious grandmother or an unconscious grandmother? … Oh, goood!
–Macy’s
Overheard by: white_on_white
Man: Hey, miss, would you be interested in modeling? You have a great look! Very original and unique!
Girl: I’m a twin.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: alyssa
Little boy: I farted!
Mother: Oh, Andrew, that's gross.
Grandma: Yes, say “excuse me” and then get out of here.
Little boy: Bombs away!
–Target, Queens
Bodega guy to old Dominican guy: What's up, sister?
Old Dominican guy: I got your sister swinging!
–Throop & Vernon
Overheard by: johnny
Thug: I need a girl who’s responsible and don’t got no kids.
–40th & 5th
Dude: Are we talking about the truth now? The truth is that you’re scared that she’s going to take your son away from you!
–27th Street office
Black guy on cell: Yeah, it was actually all right. We were both circumcised.
–Union Square greenmarket
Overheard by: Lisa Ramaci
Girl #1: That’s pretty much illegal or something.
Girl #2: They’re not really related, and she told her dad and he’s cool with it.
Girl #1: Oooh, do you wanna get some ice cream?
–M96 bus
College student #1, with Brooklyn meets Boston mystery accent: My uncle is a doctor. Well, he's like a doctor. I mean he works in a hospital, but you know, once you work in a hospital for 15 years you might as well be a doctor cause you know it all by then, anyway. Well, he says that food comas are real. Yeah, you know, it's like the cyanide in the turkey or something.
College student #2: I have no idea what you are talking about.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Dara
Shrimpy guy, singing: Summertiiiiiime, and the livin' is easy…
Black guy: Man, the sons be actin' like daughters and the daughters be actin' like sons!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Porgy
Tall girl: I think I saw his brother in the chorus of a show I saw for my job.
Short girl: Word.
Tall girl: Yeah.
Short girl: Yeah. There's four of them. And they're all beautiful. It's so not fair. I'm weird-looking and, according to my grandma, my brother looks like the love child of Jake Gyllenhaal and Sanjay Gupta.
Tall girl: And your parents are short Jews.
Short girl: I can't believe you remember that.
–Downtown 1 Train
