Sophomore #1: So yeah, my week off was really interesting. What about yours?
Sophomore #2: Boring. My brother fell off a balcony.
–Notra Dame Academy, Staten Island
Overheard by: The junior at the next table
Sophomore #1: So yeah, my week off was really interesting. What about yours?
Sophomore #2: Boring. My brother fell off a balcony.
–Notra Dame Academy, Staten Island
Overheard by: The junior at the next table
Queer checking voice mail: Apparently my great aunt just died.
Friend: Oh, I’m so sorry.
Queer: Don’t be. She was a horrid, raging bitch.
Friend: Oh, well… then… ding dong!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jas
Dude: I was at a wedding and this guy asked me if I thought my cousin was cute.
Friend: What did you say?
Dude: I said no, because she’s my cousin. But then he said that she isn’t really my cousin.
Friend: So, are you going to hit that?
Dude: I’m thinking about it. I was like, ‘Whoa!’
–75th & Broadway
Chick #1: Yeah, I was hoping to get all these painkillers by Thursday because I have to go home to see my mom in a play.
Chick #2: Can’t you just get them when you get back?
Chick #1: Yeah, no… My mother is starring in The Vagina Monologues.
Chick #2: Ouch.
Chick #1: See, that was my first thought.
–Goodbye Blue Monday, Bushwick
Overheard by: Sarah
Doctor #1, about Norah Jones: Did you know her father is Ravi Shankar?
Doctor #2: Her mother must be extremely good-looking.
–Doctors’ lounge, St. Vincent’s Hospital
Overheard by: Danny D
Headline by: s h
Runners-Up:
· “And we know why she didn’t come.” – Offbalance
· “Nip, Tuck, or Genetic Luck?” – Iconny
· “Or Maybe It’s Just that When You Multiply a Negative by a Negative, You End Up With a Positive” – Vasyl
· “Sex and the Sitar” – nicky c
· “The Good, the Bad, and the Ravi” – Riley
Rich blonde: So, how’s it going with the nanny?
Rich brunette: I don’t know. I’m thinking of firing her.
Rich blonde: Oh my god! Why?
Rich brunette: She says she’s identical twins with her sister, and they’re totally not identical.
Rich blonde: Yeah, that’s beyond annoying.
–Sushi Seki
Overheard by: Meredith
Guy with long dreadlocks: Why you keep bothering me, man? Why can’t you just go away?
Guy with short dreadlocks: Why don’t you tell your mama to go away?
Guy with long dreadlocks: Awww, man, why you gotta bring my mama into this?! [To woman in ticket booth] Hey, lady! Woman! Call the law, man!
Woman in ticket booth: Excuse me?
Guy with long dreadlocks: The law, man! Call the law!
–In front of ticket machines, Union Station
Overheard by: didn’t want to get involved
Woman to friend: Hey, you know, this is where that lesbian touched my ass!
–W 3rd Ave & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Sakura
Chick on cell: We’re, like, the best pseudo-lesbian couple who send out erotic postcards in the world. And you can quote me on that, missy!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: McFreaky
Man wearing rainbow wig and playing a ukulele: This next song is dedicated to all the fathers out there who play with their children and take them places. To the fathers who don’t — the lesbians have a point.
–In line for Statue of Liberty
Overheard by: Stas
Nine-year-old boy: I am a lesbian, I am a lesbian…
–Central Park
Girl showing necklace to friend: You’re a raging dyke! Would you wear this?
–Canal & Church St
Overheard by: NYCDoll
Mom: What time is the flight tomorrow?
Dad: Seven a.m. We have to get up at 4:30.
Little girl: Mommy, we’re going on an airplane?
Mom: Yes, honey, we’re going to Florida tomorrow.
Little girl: Why are we going to Florida, Mommy?
Mom: We’re going to Grandpa’s unveiling.
Little girl, terrified: Mommy, I don’t want to see Grandpa. He’s dead and scary.
Dad: [Laughing.]Mom: Robert, shut up!
–Christopher & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1
A lady tries to catch her balance on the moving subway by grabbing the handle of a stroller in the aisle.
Baby mama: Excuse me?! Why is yous touchin’ my fuckin’ stroller for?!
Grabby lady: Oh, I’m sorry.
Baby mama to her baby daddy: What the fuck?!
Dude nearby: That baby doesn’t have a chance.
–Manhattan-bound N train
Overheard by: Jared
