Law student, about class: Man, I just wish they didn’t give it a sexy title like ‘International Cartel Enforcement’ and then have it turn out to be about how many copies of a paper to file.
Friend: Yeah, man. That’s like going into a strip club and finding out that it’s dudes stripping.
–Fordham Law School
Chick: Hey, you’re wearing red, white, and blue. So patriotic!
Dude: Heh, yeah. Go America.
Bushy black mustache guy, fully-clothed in denim: What’s wrong with America?! Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho! Merry everything! When it’s hot in the elevator and the doors open, Santa says, ‘Get out!’ Oh, this is Santa’s floor! Ho, ho, ho! Merry everything!
–Elevator, Fordham University
Overheard by: Kate
Woman #1: The kids I babysit are… I wanna say ‘satanic.’
Woman #2: Wow.
Woman #1: I know it sounds strong, but every time I’m over there they’re like, ‘Let’s think of different ways to kill Jesus.’
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Charlie
Drunk Brit with arm around ugly lady: Oh, Jesus, just walking is making me horny.
–10th & 2nd
Overheard by: emilia
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Your hair is making me horny.
–B train
Overheard by: Janelle
Guy in hoodie: I don’t know — rain gear just doesn’t really turn me on.
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ktg
Loud woman: According to recent research, a nine-month-old fetus can experience an erection.
–Bus to Staten Island
Chick on cell: … And he was, like, rubbing his erection on me, and I was like, ‘Dude, you’re rubbing your erection on me…’
–Fordham University
Lady: What are horny men doing at Build-a-Bear, anyway?
–40th & 5th
Overheard by: don’t wanna know
Chick #1: So, then you sat on the floor and started kicking. You stopped and said we should smoke when we got back to our room, to piss her off.
Chick #2: Did we?
Chick #1: We didn’t have any cigarettes left.
Chick #2: But you have a pipe!
Chick #1: Where was I going to get pot at two in the morning?
Chick #2: You could’ve called someone. Damn, I wish I could remember last night.
–Fordham, Lincoln Center
Roommate #1 scrubbing carpet: Do you think I’m making this look worse?
Roommate #2: I think the only way you could make it look worse is by throwing up on it again…
–Fordham University dorm
Overheard by: Raquel A
Dude: So I just wrote, ‘John Locke was a great guy.’
Chick: That’s all you wrote? How many points did you get?
Dude: He gave me eight out of ten! He must have felt sorry for me.
Chick: Wow. I hope the professors at my school are that easy.
–Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: writing these two out of the social contract
Friend #1: Health insurance, workman’s comp, and bacon — you can’t get much better than that.
Friend #2: I know.
–Elevator, Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Girl #1: So, are you and Evan still hooking up?
Girl #2: Oh, yeah. Yeah, we are. But, I mean, I don’t know how I really feel. It’s starting to get really serious! Like, right now we’re doing laundry together.
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Student #1: I was riding the six train home and I felt something on my arm. I looked over and this guy was rubbing his penis on my arm! [Class gasps in horror.]Student #2: Well, was he cute?
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Never riding the 6 train again
