Fordham girl #1: Is your miniature poodle white?
Fordham guy #2: No, she’s dead. But yeah, she was white.
–60th & Columbus
Fordham girl #1: Is your miniature poodle white?
Fordham guy #2: No, she’s dead. But yeah, she was white.
–60th & Columbus
Chick: Seriously, surrogate mothers get paid so much money. If I was dirt-poor, I’d totally be one.
Guy: Yeah, but isn’t that a lot of work?
Chick: Well, the way I look at it is it’s like Thanksgiving. The surrogate mother is like an oven, and the baby is like a turkey that’s just sent there for nine months to cook. Some surrogate mothers are like, ‘Whatever, just let it cook ’til it’s done,’ whereas some other surrogate mothers put more effort into it — like they’ll add some gravy… or garlic… Mmm…
Guy: Have you forgotten that we’re talking about babies?!
–Cafeteria, Fordham University
Overheard by: Sromeo
Girl: Say, for instance, if somebody killed your mother and you killed theirs to get back at him–
Guy: Don’t even suggest such a thing! You’re talking to fucking Oedipus here.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Matthew Smith
Guy: Once I told my friend Ivan that I like to eat my scabs, and he said he did too, so we ate each other scabs.
–Park Slope
Ugly drunk girl: Sometimes I pick people's noses. (pause) Usually nothing comes out!
–LIRR, Huntington Line
Overheard by: I <3 Commuters Black guy on cell: Then I put KY all over her pussy, yo, and she wanted to spoon that shit up and eat it!
–Lafayette St
Man to family: Well, I've got to assume he's getting sick anyway, judging by the snot I just saw.
–Grand Central Station
Male law student: That's the good thing. You can scratch all day and it won't spread.
–Fordham Law School
20-something receptionist: Urp! I think I just coughed up a fetus. I better Lysol the phone.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: BrooklynBorn
Female law student #1: So we get Hannukah off then?
Female law student #2: Well, duh! Fordham’s a Jesuit school.
–Fordham Law School
Overheard by: Jamie L
Girl: Do you have any exciting plans for tonight?
Guy: No. Do you want to have a hot dog eating contest?
Girl: Not so much, since I’m a vegetarian.
Guy: I guess I win, then.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Andrea
Guy: The thing about Cronenberg is that you have to appreciate him in
context to what he does…which is often unappreciable.
–Belmont Lounge, East 15th Street
Sociology professor: So, what would you like to learn about this semester?
Student: The legalization of marijuana.
Sociology professor: Okay… [Draws pot leaf on blackboard.] Hm, I’m not much of an artist… Plus, I’m high. Ha, no, I’m just kidding.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Soapnana
Girl #1: The professor was pretty insulted when I told her the joke.
Girl #2: What was the joke?
Girl #1: How do you get a dead baby into a box? Put it in a blender. How do you get a dead baby out of the box? With Tostitos!
Girl #2: That's gross.
Girl #1: My professor was pregnant.
–Fordham University
Art teacher: Now you are true students of FIT! Nobody listens to directions!
–FIT
Suit on cell: I don’t know if going through water is resistance or friction, do you? God! I am so tired of doing the kid’s homework!
–46th between 7th & 8th
Female student: I think I’m gonna learn a lot. They were saying things that went, like, right over my head.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
NYU girl on cell: No, I’m not going to waste the credits. I’m just going to fail the class on purpose.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Overheard by: Kristin
Drunk chick: I’m majoring in the doggy-style orgasm.
–Slainte, 1st & Bowery
Overheard by: Genevieve
Professor to class: Most of you are familiar with the breasts of members of the opposite sex who are close to your own age.
–Columbia University Medical Center
Professor: I have no idea what you’re saying, but I know you’re wrong.
–Vanderbilt Hall, NYU
Overheard by: The King Adrock
