Fordham

Miss Teen South Carolina’s Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: I feel like I can relate more to retarded people than normal people.

–Broadway & Waverly

Girl on cell: What are you talking about?! She’s intellectually retarded. Hang on a sec, okay? Crap! They don’t have The Da Vinci Code.

–Outside The Strand

Black girl: … And we wasn’t laughin’ at him ’cause he got Down Syndrome… [Chuckles] We was laughin’ ’cause he was mackin’ on us so hard!

–Fordham University cafeteria, Rose Hill

Overheard by: So did the helmet get in the way?

Frat boy: Geez, bro, just when I thought you couldn’t get retardeder…

–Park Row

Overheard by: Passerby

Angry girl on cell: I was trying to tell her that she’s fucking retarded… in a very nice way!

–Fontana’s

The Tongue in Your Ear Is All Part of the Experience

Professor: You should really consider going to Europe. It may be boring, but it’s cheap!
Ghetto girl in back: Fuck that shit! I’d rather go to Disney!
Professor: Europe is actually less expensive to go to than Disney.
Ghetto girl: Yeah, but only if you stay in a brothel!
Ghetto boy: Don’t you mean ‘hostel’?
Ghetto girl: Same thing, right?

–Fordham University-Rose Hill

Overheard by: Megan

At Least They’re in Favor of Painful Ass Sex

Queer: So, I guess I’m officially part of the Bank of America family now, but I don’t really feel like I am.
Fag hag: What do you mean?
Queer: It’s like my mom married into it, and now I’m the Bank of America’s ignored stepchild.

–Fordham University

Wednesday One-Liners, by Calvin Klein

Girl yelling to friend across street: Hey, guess what? I smelled it! I smelled it from here!

–Fordham University

Blonde on cell: So, I just took my hair down, and all I smelled was Dove and crack.

–JFK

Overheard by: spanky

Man to no one: It smells like my ex-wife in here!

–Highline Ballroom

Hootchie on cell: No joke — it smelled ripe down there. I be all, ‘Jimmy… D-A-M-N! I’m too busy gagging from the smell to gag on your bits.’

–W Broadway

Girl crying on cell to boyfriend: How could you fuck her?! Her pussy stinks!

–Union Square

Overheard by: SplendidConfusion

Thug on cell: Yo, I’m sure she smells better now, bro!

–Harlem Meer, Central Park

Overheard by: mj

Fine, Fine — Shall We Review Sins of the Flesh?

Overly energetic theology professor: Now, let’s talk about the apocalypse!
Several un-enthused students: Yay…

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Sromeo

Or Like Let’s Renew Seventh Heaven for Another Season

Blonde: I just had the meanest thought in the whole world.
Guy: I doubt it.
Brunette: Tell us what it was, and then we’ll judge.
Blonde: Okay, well, I hope that Tim and Tom don’t realize we have a Spanish test tomorrow, because I always study way more than them and they still score, like, 20 points higher than me.
Brunette: Oh, that’s not mean. There are way meaner thoughts, like I hope Tim and Tom catch rickets so they’re too sick to take the test.
Guy: Yeah, or like let’s force all the Jews out of Germany and burn them in an oven.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Sromeo

If I Have to Wait for Godot, I’m Gonna Pregame

Drunk student, after stumbling down the aisle: Where’s the bathroom? Where’s the bathroom?!
Guy in next row to girl beside him: I don’t think we’re the only ones who came to the play drunk.

–Collins Theater, Fordham University

Overheard by: Sromeo

I.e. “I Didn’t Get Past Page One of the Reading”

Student: This case is about Chadha, who was born in Kenya to Indian parents–
Professor, interrupting: –But is that relevant to his deportation proceeding?
Student: It’s relevant to why nobody wants him.

–Fordham Law School

Explains the Outcome of Their Last Gubernatorial Election

Student: I think social deviance is relative.
Professor: That’s a good theory. Explain it.
Student: Well, if you’re a New Yorker and a stranger goes up to you and says hi, you’d be like, ‘Why the hell are you talking to me?’ But if you’re from California, you’d be like, ‘Oh, hey, this stranger is saying hi to me!’
Professor: That’s because everyone in California is perpetually on crack.

–Sociology, Fordham University

Overheard by: Sromeo

When Some Ruffian Stole My Pocket Protector

Professor, as student’s phone rings in class: Wow, that was loud. What band is that by?
Student: Well, I don’t remember what the song is called, but it’s by Panic! at the Disco.
Professor: Hmmm… I once panicked at the disco…

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Sromeo

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist