Roommate #1: Work sucks. I’m so tired. I’m going to go to bed.
Roommate #2: Yeah, you should go to bed. You seem pretty sad, but not as sad as you’re going to be tomorrow morning.
Roommate #1: Yeah. Tomorrow’s going to suck.
Roommate #2: Hey, man, don’t worry. Tomorrow is going to be great! Good things are going to happen.
Roommate #1: Yeah, but not to us.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: Dave
Guy #1: He almost got married to a 15-hundred-dollar a night hooker!
Guy #2: Really? So, what broke the deal?
Guy #1: He found out she was a 15-hundred-dollar a night hooker.
Guy #2: He wasn’t paying her the whole time?
Guy #1: Naw, he was getting it for free!
Guy #2: Awesome.
–122nd & Broadway
Girl: You wanna know something really, really, really fucked up?
Guy: What? Having sex with people?
–Mercer & Greene
Overheard by: waphle
Girl: Yeah, so then Bob said–
Guy: –Wait, who’s Bob?
Girl: SpongeBob.
Guy: Oh, right, right.
–Sullivan & Bleecker
Chick: Well, I don’t need to worry as much about lube because I make my own.
Queer: And we went there… We went from being drunk in church to wet vaginas in two foul seconds.
–Canal St station
Overheard by: passerby
Dude #1 on cell: I am so sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I love you. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. It will never happen again. What else can I say? [Hags up.]Dude #2: Damage control?
Dude #1: Damage control.
–Waiting for elevator, 3rd Ave
Overheard by: TrenchCoat
Guy: I wish my parents had circumcised me… I want to be cut, but I can’t imagine going through the pain now.
Pal: Yeah, glad I don’t have that hanging over my head…
–NYU
Overheard by: TMan
Guy: Do you think you’d be able to take a dead fetus on a plane?
Girl: Maybe on a domestic flight.
–Barnard dorm
Overheard by: babs standigio
Chick #1: What right did he have to touch me?!
Chick #2: None! Fucking pervert.
Chick #1: I don’t understand… Was the ‘Fuck off’ sign on my forehead not enough for him? … God, is there a bathroom around here? I really need to wash my hands now.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Amused
Chick: I hooked up with everyone. I even hooked up with my dealer.
Dude: Yeah, you did.
Chick: But I had to break up — he was too thuggish.
–1 train
