Scarlett Johansson's Wearing Wednesday One-Liners This Season

(Asian tourist walks onto subway with large panda-head shaped hat)
Random guy: Take off that silly ass hat!

–Uptown 1 Train

Guy: When I wear my other coat, I look like a yak.

–Mott St

Overheard by: robin

Thug to friend: I totally know fashion designers. I know who Hill-finger is.

–Thompson Street, SoHo

Drunk guy to orthodox Jew: Nice lid.

–Near Herald Square

Guy walking out of subway: Then she came in and told me to put the mask on.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Sarah

History teacher to class: Now, if you want a decent straw hat, do not make one.

–Millennium High School

Overheard by: Adriana

Posted on January 1, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Asians, Ass, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Chinatown, Classroom, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Fashion, Fast Times at New York High, Friends, Guys, Insults, Jews, Names, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, S&M, Soho, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Liquid Assets Of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. There is a problem with a signal and there are trains in front of us. The good news is, there's a bar car!

–Metro North

Overheard by: Anna

Obese lady buying pork chops to obese friend: I be cutting down on on soda.

–Troy Ave & Park Place

Exasperated woman: And he was drinking Jack Daniels before he even got to my place…

–3rd & 6th

Overheard by: j

Female suit on cell: Well, what do you expect? It was green Gatorade and grain alcohol!

–Broadway & 54th St

Overheard by: Loren

Bag lady to another: Listen, Alice, if you don't want to lose your leg, you gotta drink water, they'll take your legs otherwise.

–42nd St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Robin

Frantic woman on cell: Oh my god! There is no soy milk anywhere in this city! (sprints out of Starbucks)

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: ellie

Tough guy outside bar with friends: So I like apple juice. What the fuck?

–East Village

Posted on December 16, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Conductors, Diet/Weight, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Fat People, Friends, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Starbucks, Suits, Time, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Or Single. With Chlamydia.

Guy #1: That girl’s not too bad looking. How old, you think? Married, possibly?
Guy #2: She looks 26 and pissed off.
Guy #1: So she must be married.
Guy #2: With kids.

–Madison Ave

Posted on December 15, 2015
Age/Aging, Anger Management, Beauty, Friends, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy

So Much Social Awkwardness, So Little Time

Weird girl: Did you bring the scepter?
Weird boy: No, I forgot.
Weird girl: That’s the second time!
Weird boy: I know, I’m sorry! I got the Tetris theme song stuck in my head again!

–D train

Overheard by: Kaela

Posted on December 14, 2015
Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Friends, Girls, Guys, Music, On the Subway, Questions, Video Games, Weirdness

Hillary Knows How To Host a Re-election Party

Girl #1: Remember at that party when that stripper picked up a dollar bill with her pussy lips?
Girl #2: Ohhh, yeah — that wasn’t a stripper. That was a full-on whore.

–77th & 1st

Overheard by: mjg

Headline by: clink

Runners-Up:
· “… and It Wasn’t a Dollar Bill. That Was a Full-on Penis” – Caro
· “America DOES Have Talent” – Staci Lynn
· “Because I Saw That Thing Give Change” – nicky c.
· “But We Call Her Aunt Gladys” – Mark Paul
· “I Was Just Shocked She Did It through Her Jeans.” – SAtCW
· “Kind Of Like the Difference Between Maury Povich and Springer” – alana landa

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on December 8, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Friends, Headline Contest Winners, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Prostitution, Strippers, Upper East Side, Vagina

And These New Radioactive Maxi Pads Are All the Rage!

Waitress's friend: You doin' somethin' different with your hair? You got a glow about you.
Waitress, whispering but audible by everyone around: I'm on the rag, yo!

–Garden Grill, Graham Ave

Overheard by: digamma

Posted on December 2, 2015
Baristas, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Friends, Hair, Menstruation, Physical appearance, Questions

I Like to Braid It Using Only My Tongue

Woman with strong Southern accent: I am gonna have her bachelorette party in my apartment next weekend.
Husband: (nods)
Woman: But the goddamn stripper won't return my phone calls.
(waitress brings shots)
Woman: What is this?
Waitress: Tequila, on us.
Woman: This'll put hair on my boobies.
Husband's friends: That's just how he likes it.
Husband: (nods)

–Brother Jimmy's BBQ, Upper West Side

Posted on November 29, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Couples, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Hair, Rack, Restaurants & Cafes, Southerners, Strippers, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

You're on a Roll Today, Amber.

Teen girl to friend: We should, like, totally go out after this.
Friend: But we're not slutty enough to go to a bar.
Teen girl: Ooh! How about a sushi restaurant?

–LIRR

Overheard by: slut for sushi