Parts Of Wednesday One-Liners Are Really Quite Nice

Irate professional woman on cell: I raced down to Penn Station to buy a ticket to New Jersey, and now you tell me you're going to Hooters?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Erin and Willa

Blonde hipster: I knew I needed to get out of there when I heard her saying, "we should go to that bar next because it's near the PATH!"

–Rivington & Essex

Train conductor: The next stop is Park Place. Transfer is available to the a, c, e and PATH to Newwwwwwwwwww Jersey. I also have wonderful news that I am dying to tell you today. All 2 and 3 trains are making local stops this weekend. There are no express trains because of service changes.

–2 Train

Girl, interrupting singing couple: Guys, we need to class it up, we are not in Jersey anymore!

–5th Ave & 86th

Overheard by: GerMan in NY

Four-year-old boy: I don't wanna go to New Jersey!

–New Jersey Transit Terminal, Penn Station

Hipster: But you were in New Jersey when you got pregnant, it's okay.

–1st & St. Mark's

Posted on January 24, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, Couples, Directions, Food, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, Lower East Side, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Penn Station, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Questions, Street, Train Station, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

And We Can Charge Admission

Blonde girl, looking up at bridge: The Brooklyn Bridge can blow me.
Brown haired girl: Ugh! Word!

–South Street

Overheard by: how does that work?

Posted on January 24, 2015
Cum, Girls, Lower East Side, Weirdness, Words

I Think We've Stumbled Upon the Idea for a Sci-Fi Flick

Girl #1: What do you call a person who delivers newspapers?
Girl #2: A “delivery person.”
Girl #1: Fine, be the non-conformist.
Girl #2: What would the conformist say?
Girl #1: “Paperboy,” and then get confused because what if it's an old woman?
Girl #2: Oh right, so, “paper person.” But then it sounds like those paper people chains I used to make as a kid, except mine were always awful and deformed…because you make one little mistake and then they're all fucked up. Suddenly I've got a chain of twenty-one legged freaks and can't sleep at night.
Girl #1: “Twenty one-legged freaks.” Not “twenty-one legged freaks.”
Girl #2: Though both terrifying.
Girl #1: The heck you talking about?

–Union Square

Posted on January 23, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Nicknames & name calling, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Words

I Liked It When Size Didn’t Matter

Chick #1: He was a skateboarder.
Chick #2: Yeah. Let me just say that he was locked and loaded. He had a nice package.

–Our Place, 3rd Avenue

Posted on January 22, 2015
Girls, Manhattan, Penis, Private Parts, Sex

This Is Not the New York Of Gossip Girl

Girl, as subway doors open: It smells like ass.
Guy: It's New York City, were you expecting sunshine and rainbows?

–Uptown F Train

Posted on January 22, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Wishes & desires

A Wednesday One-liners Short Story

Guy: My wife is just a hoot. She just tries and tries to undermine me.

–Craft, E. 19th Street

Girl: She’s into God and stuff like that. I hate that shit.

–C train

Overheard by: jason steinhauer

Slut: …all I know is that it’s $40,000 and you’ve gotta buy him breakfast in the morning.

–Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Posted on January 22, 2015
Family Ties, Girls, God, Guys, Hootchies, Prostitution, Wednesday One-Liners

Then Why Does It Have Blond Hair and a Tooth?

Girl #1: Look, yo! You got a tumor on your arm, a tumor!
Girl #2: That’s not a tumor, it’s a mosquito bite… like my tits!

–E Train

Overheard by: Jatmos

Posted on January 22, 2015
Cancer, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Insects, Nipples, On the Subway

Like Being Alone, Except with Someone There

Girl #1: Are you sure you don’t mind taking the bus by yourself?
Girl #2: I’ll be fine. I’ve taken the B3 by myself before… with Steph.

–Taco Bell, Kings Plaza Mall, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lotte

Posted on January 21, 2015
Default, Girls, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity

Wednesday Om-Liners

Earth chick on cell: I had meditation and yoga class today. So, if you're coming over tonight we have to have spiritual sex.

–Barnes & Noble

Guy on cell: You're never going to believe this, but I need to tell you anyways. I just did some witchcraft.

–9th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Smoking Student

Yoga teacher: Not being able to do something can teach you a lot about yourself. Like how you're a fucking loser.

–Midtown

Rich white girl with dog in purse: Yeah, so when I went to go buy a dog, I picked Pookie out because he's a Pisces and I'm a Virgo, and that way our personalities will match.

–C Train

Overheard by: evan

White dude to another: I'd like to see what his chi looks like.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: Aileen

Posted on January 21, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chinatown, Girls, Guys, Insults, Magic, Man's Best Friend, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Psychology, Rich people, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires, Yoga

No, She’s Just Blind

Latina girl with empty seat next to her: This whole ride nobody’s sat down in this seat. This bus is gonna be packed before a white person sits in this seat.

Three stops later, a white girl sits down in the seat.

Latina girl, approvingly: Gangsta.

–M15 bus

Overheard by: Emily Duncanson

Posted on January 21, 2015
Girls, Idiots, Latinos, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Race, Stupidity

Girls