Wednesday One-Liners Are Waiting for the Tooth Fairy

Lady on cell: I've been standing here for like fifteen minutes…I don't know which one to choose. It's so hard…it's been like years since I've bought toothpaste.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Doreen

40-something woman: I'm always wondering, is it teeth or tits?

–MJ Armstrong's Public House

Overheard by: JP

Girl to friends looking into camera: Jane* got the foreskin stuck in her teeth.

–Grand St, Brooklyn

Mother to daughter: Your tooth came out last night. I didn't want to disturb you, but at least you have your other teeth in.

–Hester & Grand

Flustered strand employee: He left his teeth on the floor and just took off!

–Strand Bookstore, 12th St & Broadway

Posted on December 24, 2008
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Duane Reade, Families, Friends, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Rack, Store, Street, Stupidity, Stuyvesant Town, The Village, Time, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Or a Volkswagen Bug!

(car honks repeatedly at pedestrians crossing against the light and speeds through)
Girl #1: Enough! Ugh! Was that a Prius?
Girl #2: Yeah.
Girl #1: Pfft. If you gonna boss me around, at least do it in a manly car. Like a Civic.
Girl #2: Oh! Or an Acura!

–Mercer & W 3rd St

Posted on December 23, 2008
Cars and Driving, Girls, Street, The Village, Weirdness

Except for Tuesdays, When I'm Half Navajo.

Mom: Why don't you want to go to that high school?
White daughter: Because there are too many black people.
Mom: I thought you were black…
White daughter: Yeah, I used to be black by association, but now I'm Puerto Rican.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: DL

Posted on December 23, 2008
Girls, KKK, Moms, Penn Station, Questions, Race, School and studying, Weirdness

Gets Complicated When It's Her Turn to Bring the Snacks to Play-Group

Random guy: She still breastfeeds her kids.
Random girl: How old are they?! Like 4 or 5?
Random guy: 9 years old.
Random girl: What!? That's ridiculous.

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Teresa

Posted on December 22, 2008
Age/Aging, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Rack, The Met

I Don't Know, I Still Can't Figured Out What Possessed Me to Cum in It

Girl #1: Did you get tested for AIDS?
Girl #2: Yes, but they haven't gotten back to me yet.
Girl #1: Dammit! Why did i drink from your water bottle?

–74th & Riverside

Overheard by: a fox

Posted on December 21, 2008
AIDS, Drinks, Girls, Questions, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

I Tripped and Fell Into Downward Dog!

Girl #1: How could you get drunk and do yoga?
Girl #2: I didn't do it on purpose!

–16tth & Broadway

Posted on December 19, 2008
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Questions, Yoga

Lime-Green Culottes and All

Yuppie wannabe guy #1: I'm not trendy, am I?
Yuppie wannabe guy #2: No, you're not trendy.
Yuppie wannabe girl: No, no. You're not trendy. You're you. You're you.

–MetroNorth Harlem Line

Overheard by: M.A.

Posted on December 19, 2008
Comebacks, Girls, Guys, Questions, Trains Not Subway

And Now Here's Al Roker With the Wednesday One-Liners!

Homeless guy, giving umbrella to random white girl: This is for you. In case it rains. This (holding up alcohol bottle) is for me. You know why? Because I'm an alcoholic.

–Penn Station

Man to friend, about the Bruce Springsteen concert that night: You know what? If it starts raining, I'm just going to take off my shirt and scream the whole time.

–Penn Station

Girl: We're on an island, it doesn't snow here.

–St. John's University, Staten Island

Overheard by: Ang

Vendor: Man, I know why we're having to pee so much! It's because it's colder and our bladders are shrinking.

–Flea Market, 82nd & Columbus

Overheard by: EthanK

Woman yelling to complete stranger: It's not raining anymore! It stopped raining! You're the only one with an umbrella!

–Port Authority

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clothing, College, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Hobos, Men, Music, One-liners, Pee, Penn Station, Port Authority, Questions, Staten Island, Store, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Vendors & Street Performers, Weather, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“Don't Hate Me Because I'm Wednesday One-Liner”

Female hipster, loudly: I hate those two! They're egomaniacs with low self esteem!

–Staten Island

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Sullen-looking girl: I guess it's just incumbent on me to be cheerful regardless of the fact that I hate everything.

–Warren St & W Broadway

Overheard by: Tha WB

Girl at Dali exhibition: I hate people. I hate museums. I really hate Spaniards.

–Dali and Film Exhibition, MoMA

Overheard by: Andi C.

Concerned girl to friends: Maybe if we stopped singing Simon & Garfunkel so loudly, people would hate us less.

–Grand Central

Teen girl: I just hate her so much! I'm not even going to Facebook friend her, I hate her so much!

–B Train

Overheard by: Jen

European woman wearing I Love NY shirt, holding Sex & the City box set: I hate Americans.

–Canal & Lafayette

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Eurotrash, Facebook, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Gripes, Happiness, Hipsters, MoMA, Money & Class, Music, On the Subway, Staten Island, Street, Stupidity, Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Do It Via Text

Girl on cell: My ex-boyfriend used to call the subway "The MTA," and I was like, "Yeah…this isn't working out."

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I would've dumped him too

Teenager on cell: If, hypothetically, what we had been doing was dating, then technically, hypothetically, he just broke up with me. Fucking douche.

–Finacial District

Cute girl: Don't you know the rules of break-ups? You have to clean out the drawer. You can't bring old lube to a new relationship.

–Essex & Grand

Overheard by: yaletownkid

Guy to friend: So you're telling me that I broke up with her because of lube?

–Park Slope

Guy on cell: Look, I know I said "forever." It's not your fault! To be honest, I just never really liked you that much!

–West 4th St. Subway Entrance

Preppy boy: That was the worst part about breaking up with my ex-girlfriend. She got a 50% discount at Polo!

–Bloomingdale's

Posted on December 17, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Dating, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Love, Lower East Side, Lube, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Penn Station, Preppies, Public Transportation, Questions, Relationships, Store, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Girls