“Honesty Is the Best Policy”? Lies

White dude to passengers: Ladies and gentlemen, I don't normally do this. I just got out of jail and my family won't let me come back home. I am not a drug user or an alcoholic. I go back to work on Monday, please help me. I'm scared. I went to a shelter and I was beaten and had everything taken from me. I'm just trying to make enough to stay at the YMCA for the night. Anything you can do to help me…
Chica, yelling: Yo, my friend wants to know what you was in jail for!
White dude: Oh, I raped a girl.

–F Train

Overheard by: LZA

Posted on October 28, 2008
Girls, Homeless, Kick, Latinos, On the Subway, Panhandling, Passengers, Prison, Rape, Weirdness, White People

He Ended Up in Times Square, and the Rest Is History

Cowboy wearing a Florida Rebel flag belt buckle: You should go back to your own country, or learn to speak English!
Girl leaving train: Have fun in the Bronx, cowboy!

–D Train

Posted on October 28, 2008
Assholes, Girls, Language Barrier, On the Subway, Stupidity, Threats

What Happened to the Freshman Fifteen?

Dad: Look at you!
Daughter: What's up?
Dad: You are a mere shadow of your former self.

–Barnard College

Posted on October 28, 2008
Dads, Girls, Physical appearance, Weirdness

…Is That Why He Kept Accidentally Touching My Ass?

Girl #1: Oh my god! That man has an invisible dog leash!
Girl #2: What are you talking about? That is a blind man and his walking stick!
Girl #1: Oh.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Sara

Posted on October 26, 2008
Girls, Handicaps, Man's Best Friend, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

She Still Thinks “Bad Moon on the Rise” Is “Bathroom on the Right”

Columbia chick #1: Damn, he's sexy in a right girl's island kind of way.
Columbia chick #2: Don't you mean “Rikers Island”?

–113th & Broadway

Posted on October 25, 2008
Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Idiots, Physical appearance, Prison, Students, Stupidity, Words

I Gotta Tell You, That Trash Can's Looking Pretty Good

Drunk chick: Apparently there are lots of guys here tonight who have slept with me that want to sleep with me again, and also a few here that have not slept with me that want to!
Friend: Really?
Drunk chick: Yeah! And it's a good thing I've changed, because if I hadn't, I'd be fucking everything in sight right now.

–Bathroom, Beer Garden in Astoria

Overheard by: ALi

Posted on October 25, 2008
Astoria, Bars & Clubs, Biotechs, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Promiscuity, Sex, Washington Heights and Inwood

…Plus Another Fifty Days of Walking

Chick #1: We should go to Montreal some time.
Chick #2: My friend was telling me about this trip he took to Canada. It was like seven hours on the Long Island Rail Road.

–N Train

Posted on October 24, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Girls, On the Subway, Travel

Though, in Unrelated News, I Know a Great Way to Get Out Blood Stains

English teacher, discussing Huckleberry Finn: So, how does Huck make the distinction between the “right thing” and the “clean thing”?
Ditzy Asian girl: Well…it's like…when you're murdering someone and you strangle them instead of stabbing them.

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on October 24, 2008
Asians, Books & Writing, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Murder, Questions, Stab, Stuyvesant, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

Disney's Going After North Korea Next

Brown girl: Oh my god, did you see the new Cheetah Girls movie? The one where they go to India? It's so offensive!
White friend: To what? Cheetahs?
Brown girl: Brown people?

–Stuyvesant High School

Posted on October 24, 2008
Desi, Disney, Friends, Girls, Questions, Race, Stupidity, Stuyvesant, TV, White People

Wednesday One-Liners Will Slap You Like a Red-Headed Stepchild

Woman on cell: Shut up! Shut up! I'm going to punch you in the face! I love you.

–A Bus

Spanish chick: Two things can't happen tonight. One, I can't get in a fight tonight. Two, I can't see nobody I don't like.

–5th Ave & 11th St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Homeless, burnt-out surfer lady: Then I looked up, and this cunt is about to hit me like a man!

–139th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

Guy to girl: The next time your parents chuckle at my misfortunes, I'm gonna kick 'em in the nuts. I'm gonna kill 'em!

–20th St & 5th Ave, Brooklyn

Jamaican conductor over PA: Don't move between cars while the train is in motion. I don't want to have to knock you the fuck out.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Got Knocked Out

Posted on October 22, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Brooklyn, Bus, Couples, Family Ties, Fighting and ass kicking, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kick, Love, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Public Transportation, Punch, Subway conductors, Threats, Wednesday One-Liners, Women