Wednesday One-Liners Write Off Nipple Tassels on Their Income Taxes

Father to son: Well, I guess she’ll just have to become a stripper…

–Times Square

Overheard by: Lezbitron

Girl on phone: I guess we should go ahead with the strippers and do it.

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: MG

Middle-aged woman: I don’t know. I mean, can you put a 20 in the G-string?

–Metro-North, Harlem Line

Frat boy: Hey, man, belly dancers ain’t strippers. I learned that the hard way.

–AMC Theaters, Lincoln Center

Girl to pal: Well, where do you want your ashes spread? A strip club?

–12th & 3rd

Overheard by: Talia

Posted on March 5, 2008
Advice, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Death, Default, Frat Boys, Girls, Grocery Stores, Movie Theaters, On the Subway, Questions, Strippers, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Women, Words

Oh! Well, I Love Your Little Hat.

Blonde: Wait, are you Jewish?
Brunette: No. I’m Colombian.

–96th & 5th

Posted on March 4, 2008
Comebacks, Default, Girls, Questions, Stupidity, Upper East Side

Now She’s Drying Off with Her Wings!

Australian guy, shocked at pixie chick peeing on nearby steps: Does that girl not have her pants on?!
Australian girl, unaware: What? [Both turn to stare.]
Pixie chick’s guy friend: Yes, that’s right! She’s peeing!

–St. Mark’s Pl, between 1st Ave & Ave A

Overheard by: justin

Posted on March 4, 2008
Default, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Pee, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

I Forgot What a Mean Little Drunk You Are

Little girl: Mommy, I have a headache.
Mom: Well, maybe we should just get you some sake.
Little girl: What?
Mom: I mean tea. Hot tea.

–Grey’s Art Museum

Posted on March 3, 2008
Advice, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Moms, Museums

And My, Um, Grooming Was Sub-Par

Girl: Wait, you know I got hit by a car, right?
Guy: What?!
Girl: Yeah, it happened the other day.
Guy: What happened?
Girl: Oh, I was just walking across the street and then this car came and hit me, and I fell down. This lady watching was all, ‘Oh my god, I thought you were dead, but then you got up.’ It was totally embarrassing.
Guy: Don’t you mean traumatic?
Girl: Well, that too. I mean, my skirt flew up when I fell…

–Stuyvesant High

Posted on March 3, 2008
Accidents, Default, Girls, Guys, School, Stupidity

They Perform This Every Day at the Same Time

Dominican girl #1, over a Nextel Two-Way: Yo. What’s up?
Dominican girl #2 across aisle, on her own Nextel Two-Way: Nuttin’. What’s up with you?
Dominican girl #1: Are you going to Jimmy’s party?
Dominican girl #2: Yeah, are you?
Dominican girl #1, pressing talk button too soon: When are you going? [Dominican girl #2 didn’t get message and doesn’t answer, so #1 yells across aisle, without phone.] Quit boxing me bitch! [To herself] Fucking Dominicans.

–Queens-bound R train

Overheard by: Rich

Posted on March 3, 2008
Anger Management, Cell Phone, Default, Dominicans, Girls, On the Subway, Stupidity

Real Men Don’t Care, Sweetie

Guy: I was in Vegas with my mother, and she was complaining that she was the only flat-chested girl in the city, but flat is totally in right now.
Girl: Flat’s been in since I was, like, thirteen.

–Macy’s

Overheard by: katieb

Posted on March 3, 2008
Comebacks, Default, Fashion, Girls, Guys, Rack, Store, Time, Travel

Damn, I Knew I Should’ve Pulled Out… Something Else

Hobo: Excuse me, do you have some change so I can buy some dinner?
Girl: Sorry, I don’t carry cash.
Hobo: I bet you’d have some cash if I pulled out my 9mm [makes fake gun with his hand].
Girl, nonplussed: No, I really wouldn’t.

–14th & 3rd

Posted on March 2, 2008
Comebacks, Default, Girls, Hobos, Money & Class, Panhandling, The Village

Sorry, I Mean, “Invoke Your First Miranda Right”

Guy, after Bar results: Oh, hi there.
Girl: Hi.
Guy: So…
Girl: So… Big day.
Guy: Yeah. It’s big. Big day.
Simultaneously to one another: So you’re…
Girl: Happy?
Guy: Um. Yeah. Pretty happy. You?
Girl: I’m happy!
Together: Yeah!
Hobo: Shut the fuck up!

–5 train

Posted on March 2, 2008
Comebacks, Default, Education, Girls, Guys, Hobos, On the Subway

Hard to Miss

Dude: It’s Kurt Cobain’s birthday soon.
Grungy hipster girl: Reeeally?
Skinny frat boy: Too bad he shot himself in the head.
Dude: Haha, yeah. Shotgun!

–New School dorm

Overheard by: Cameron

Posted on March 1, 2008
About Celebrities, Birthdays, Death, Default, Frat Boys, Girls, Guys, New School, Skinny People, Suicide

Girls