Comedy club promoter: Hey, ladies! Next show starting in a few minutes — drink specials…
Girl: We’re not in the mood to laugh.
Comedy club promoter: We’re not that funny!
–W 3rd St, between 6th Ave & MacDougall
Comedy club promoter: Hey, ladies! Next show starting in a few minutes — drink specials…
Girl: We’re not in the mood to laugh.
Comedy club promoter: We’re not that funny!
–W 3rd St, between 6th Ave & MacDougall
Girl #1: What are you buying?
Girl #2: Glue.
Girl #1: Why?
Creepster behind them: For sex.
Girl #2: No.
Creepster: She’s buying it for sex.
Girl #2: Actually, no.
Creepster: Glue is for sex.
Girl #2: No, it’s for eyelashes.
Creepster: Haha. Sex.
Girl #2: It’s glue.
Creepster: Oh, I thought you said, ‘lube.’ Lube is for sex.
Girls: [Silence.]Creepster: Haha. Sex.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Shubester
Girl: Ellen DeGeneres is pretty funny.
Boy: And by funny you mean what?
Girl: … A lesbian.
–10th & 5th
Guy, about man on Bluetooth ear piece: Man, look at that guy. He’s nuts.
Girl: Oh, geez. He’s just on the phone.
Guy, to Bluetooth man: Are you crazy? She doesn’t think so.
–Near City Hall
Overheard by: Matt
Chick: She has low self-esteem.
Dude: She should. She’s mad ugly.
Chick: I’ve known people who are ugly but really beautiful.
Dude: No.
Chick: No, really! I’ve seen ugly men with beautiful women and ugly women with handsome men.
Dude: I’m dumb-shallow. If you don’t look good, you can’t be my friend.
Chick: But you’re judging people. Like God.
Dude: Fuck that. I pay my own rent. I don’t need anybody. I’m straight, but all my guy friends look good. If you’re ugly, you can’t be my friend. I’m dumb-shallow. [A few minutes later] Yo, if someone says I don’t look good, somethin’s wrong with them or their eyes, ’cause I look good.
–4 train, rush hour
Overheard by: Veej
Girl to friends: Oh, yeah, and he kissed Emily’s hand goodbye.
Emily: Yeah, I get that a lot…
–Residence hall, 26th St
Overheard by: Ashley
Girl #1: It got on my vagina! Now, that’s fucking nasty! I have to go home now and wash off my vagina!
Girl #2: Well, of course if you go in there at the same time and try to pee it’s going to get on your vagina. Calm down.
Girl #1: I can’t calm down! I can’t believe it’s all over my fucking vagina!
–Bathroom, LIRR, Penn Station
Overheard by: Sara Swank
Guy: You know, I can never be in the Air Force.
Girl: Well, not really. There’s always the whole ‘Don’t tell’ thing.
Guy: But it’s on my record!
Girl: What? Did you have to file for your gay card or something?
Guy: … I meant because of my bad vision!
–Metro-North train
Little girl: Look, Mommy! Those two girls are wearing angel wings.
Hipster chick #1: Actually, they’re fairy wings.
Little girl: Why are you wearing fairy wings?
Hipster chick #2: We just felt like wearing them for fun.
Crazy guy: Hey, ladies! Nice wings. You could definitely be my angels.
Hipster chick #1: Goddammit. They’re fucking fairy wings!
–St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Chick #1: You’re a sadist!
Chick #2: Yeah, but I’m a nice sadist! I’m like the friendly neighborhood sadist.
–Starbucks
