Random guy: So, where you from?
Hot chick: Oh, up north. Florida.
Random guy: Wait. I thought Florida was in the Midwest.
–Subway B
Random guy: So, where you from?
Hot chick: Oh, up north. Florida.
Random guy: Wait. I thought Florida was in the Midwest.
–Subway B
40-something woman: Oh, I'm sorry.
Young dude: That's okay, but you just hit my crotch.
40-something woman: Well, did you at least enjoy it?
Young dude: Heh-heh, not really.
–L Train
Girl: Okay, so how many of the people here do you think have noticed that we’re high?
Guy: Mmmm, five of them.
Girl: There are only five people in the store.
Guy: Then… All of them.
–Lafayette
Girl: Why do you fuck a sheep at the edge of a cliff? (waits) So the sheep pushes back.
Guy: I don't get it.
Girl: Do I have to explain sheep-fucking to you?!
–Prince & Mercer
Overheard by: Thiess
Guy #1: Aw, man, have you seen March of the Penguins? That movie was horrible. Couldn’t get through it.
Girl: I saw that. I got double-banged to it… I kinda like getting double-banged by two attractive guys, y’know? [Men stop walking and look at each other.]Guy #2: Dude, that’s gross. I’m gonna have to ask you to leave. Wow.
–70th & 2nd
Guy : Cause she sounds like a goat. You know how a goat goes,” bwaaah, bwaaah!”
Girl : Word?
Guy : Yeah, she sounds like a goat…
–Lorimer & Powers, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Szymon
Guy #1: Dude! You're such a girl! (laughs)
Guy #2: You know, the only reason that insults like that even work is because they're ironic. So shut the fuck up.
–F Train
Person: So how do you get girls, Mr Lynn?
Mr Lynn: I adopt them.
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Excellence
Woman: Excuse me, can you tell me something? Do I have a hickey on my neck? I have to go to a lunch and I just want to know if I have a hickey on my neck.
–SoHo
Overheard by: kim
Guy on cell: He shoved his hand in so many crevices that they looked like flippers.
–2nd Ave & Houston
Overheard by: gypsee
Drunk girl: If Bethany doesn't have legs, nobody has legs.
–1 Train
Overheard by: oliviz
Strange woman, seeing another woman massaging pressure points on friend's ear: She has a headache? It starts in the scrotum.
–M14D Bus
Man, missing stop: This is the problem with having a prostate that's bigger than your brain…you always forget to get off.
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: rachel
Girl: She slept with Harry, and she didn't know he only had one hand, and afterward she still didn't know he only had one hand.
–Brother Jimmy's Restaurant
Overheard by: Joe
Guy: I’ll buy M&Ms.
Kid selling candy: Two dollars.
Guy: So, what year are you in school, bro?
Kid selling candy: Two dollars.
Guy: Do you like school? Are you doing well?
Kid selling candy: [Silence.]Guy: Well, when I was your age, I didn’t like school either, but just hang in there. Look at me — I worked hard and got to play college football.
Kid selling candy: Do you want the M&Ms?
–Sheep Meadow
