Two guys are waiting for the train inside the turnstyle when a group behind them start waving their hands and making weird noises.
Guy #1: People are so fucking crazy. I’m always around crazy people.
Guy #2: Uh…they’re deaf. And mute.
–Christopher Street station
Guy #1: You look really familiar to me; what do you do?
Guy #2: I’m an actor, poet, musician…
Guy #1: No…Did you ever work at Bloomingdale’s?
Guy #2: …Yes.
–Astoria
Guy #1: Isn’t that the Norwegian metal band where the drummer is eight and he killed the lead singer?
Guy #2: No, the drummer ate the lead singer.
–1st Avenue & 6th Street
Guy: Okay, so I know a female dog is called a bitch, but what is a male dog called?
Girl: Um, that would be a dog. Idiot.
–72nd & Columbus
Overheard by: Stephanie S
Southern woman: Excuse me, sir? We aren’t from around here but could you tell me where Times Square is?
NY Man: Yeah, it’s a bit uptown from here, you’re lookin’ for 125th street. It’ll say Harlem but don’t let it throw you off.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Carl Krickmire
Tourist guy: Excuse me, where is the subway?
NY guy: Sorry, I don’t speak English.
–Rockefeller Center
Guy on cell: I don’t want your money, just the rights to your son.
–44th & 5th
Overheard by: Anonymous
Chick: How’s the leg?
Guy: They can’t find it anywhere…Halloween, you know.
Chick: Well, next year, don’t go as a pirate.
Guy: The thing is, next year I kind of have to go as a pirate.
–Central Park Zoo
Old Latina: Nice flowers.
Hispanic guy: Thanks. Unfortunately, they’re for a dead person.
–1 train
Overheard by: Chris McDade
Girl: Ginger is what pussy would look like if it was sliced.
–Sako Sushi, Amsterdam Avenue
Overheard by: Joanna Kim
Girl: What is that?
Guy #1: Tuna.
Girl: Tuna with what?
Guy #2: Tuna with delicious.
–Sushi Seki, 1st Avenue
Overheard by: KMR
Queer: Can you hold this shirt for me ’til tomorrow?
Shop trannie: No, we can’t put costumes on hold.
Queer: Well, I want to be, like, this Louis XIV go-go boy, and I already got the short shorts and everything, and this shirt would go perfect but I just can’t afford it ’til tomorrow.
–Halloween Adventure, 4th Avenue
Overheard by: sharyn jackson
Girl: Do you have any more slut-nurses?
Counter guy: No, we’re all out of slut-nurses, but we have some slut-devils and some slut-flight attendents.
–Ricky’s, 8th Avenue
Overheard by: Josh Caldwell
Guy: What’s she going as for Halloween?
Girl: A newsie.
Guy: Oh.
Girl: I knew she’d steal my idea, stupid ho-bag.
–Elevator, Water Street Residence
Overheard by: Dan & Travis
Guy: I’ve always loved this mask, it’s so cool.
Girl: Yeah, I guess.
Guy: I mean, I guess I should, considering…
Girl: Right.
Guy: I mean, I was in the movie.
Girl: That was like a decade ago.
Guy: So?
Girl: Yeah, but you were a fucking extra. And you didn’t even have a single line.
–Ricky’s, 22nd & 3rd
Guy: What is this, All Harlots’ Eve?
–3rd Avenue & 8th Street
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
