Guy #1: Why you wanna fuck wit dat shit?
Guy #2: You are stupid, nigga! ‘Cause it’s safe to sell without a handgun.
–A train
Guy #1: Why you wanna fuck wit dat shit?
Guy #2: You are stupid, nigga! ‘Cause it’s safe to sell without a handgun.
–A train
Guy: He’s the biggest fucking asshole I ever met.
Chick: Yeah.
Guy: No, I’m serious. He’s the biggest fucking asshole in existence. The biggest–
Chick: –fucking asshole–
Guy: –I ever seen. Biggest. Biggest fucking–
Chick: –asshole. I got it.
Guy: And I gave that fucker $500 to make payments on his debt, and he doesn’t listen to word I say. And I gave his daughter something–
Chick: Herpes?
Guy: Shut the fuck up. Besides that. I gave his daughter…Hey, you gonna drink that? You throwin’ that away? You don’t throw away beer!
Chick: It’s all backwash.
Guy: Give it to me.
Chick: You’re disgusting.
Guy: Don’t fucking talk to me like that.
Chick: Or you’ll give me herpes?
Guy: Not yet. But just wait.
Chick: Don’t you dare even try to touch me. Let’s go get some smoothies.
Guy: I could use a fucking smoothie.
Chick: You’re paying.
Guy: Shut the fuck up, you fucking bitch.
–Original California Taqueria, Cobble Hill
Woman #1: He stepped on my foot!…He stepped on my foot!…Excuse me, you stepped on my foot.
Guy: Yeah, I know I did. You dropped that bottle on my foot.
Woman #2: It was an accident…
Woman #1: Don’t you see that my bag had a hole in it? It was an accident.
Guy: No, it wasn’t.
Woman #1: Oh yes, I did it deliberately.
Guy: That’s right you did.
Woman #1: Oh I’m so sorry I woke you from your precious sleep
Guy: Yeah, that’s right.
–B train
A suit on his cell accidentally bumps into a drunk girl on the LIRR platform.
Drunk girl: Why don’t you say “excuse me!” What the fuck? Just say “excuse me!”.
He ignores her and continues to talk on his cell. The drunk girl dumps a cup of water on his crotch. He doesn’t flinch.
Drunk girl: Yeah, bitch! Next time say “excuse me”, and maybe your crotch won’t be wet!
He finishes his conversation and gets on the train.
–Penn Station
Mixed guy: Getchoo elbow out my chest, man!
White man: Eh, I’m just holding onto the rail; it’s a packed train.
Mixed guy: Yeah, but why you got to be all up in my chest like that? Got you elbow in my chest!
White man: Well, does it even hurt?
Mixed guy: Yes. Why else would I even mention it? Respect my chest. Faggoty ass motherfucker. I gonna get the police all up in this shit, you motherfucking…respect my chest.
Irish guy: Shut up, yeh prick!
–1 train
Overheard by: Marguerite Carter
Guy: Hey look, it’s fucking Rudolph. You gonna gimme a ride, Rudolph? You faggot.
Little girl: Yeah, all reindeers are faggots. All reindeers are faggots, you faggot reindeer.
–46th & Broadway
Man: Watch where you’re going.
Woman: Why don’t you get out of the way?
Man: Fuck you, lady.
Woman: You come from the land of yonder where animals exist!
–23rd Street F station
Overheard by: jill Bee
Girl: Yep. That’s a big ass tree all right.
Guy: Mm-hmm.
Girl: Yeah, okay, great, big ass tree. I’m freezing, can we go to Starbucks now?
–Rockefeller Center
Yuppie guy on cell collides with hipster guy pretty hard.
Hipster guy: Hey, asshole!
Yuppie guy: Watch it.
Hipster guy: I hope you have to watch your fuckin’ children die!
Hipster girl: Honey, you really have to stop saying that to
people.
–7th Avenue & 13th Street
Girl: I am glad you don’t think she’s prettier than me.
Guy: What? She is like, trailer trash.
Girl: No, she’s really pretty.
Guy: What are you talking about? She is some lady they found in the parking lot by the garbage. They were like, “Hey lady, we will give you $20 to do this.”
Girl: …she is like, the American standard of beauty.
Guy: She is a dumpster-diving prostitute!
–Access Digital Theatres, Prospect Park
Overheard by: matt stohrer
Guy: Can I just say, maybe Zorro shouldn’t be the first American movie you see.
–83rd & Broadway
Little boy: Why didn’t Harry Potter just take a shotgun and blow that guy’s head off?
–Loews Kips Bay Theatre, 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Mark Schilsky
Girl #1: Shh! I can’t hear what he’s saying!
Girl #2: Bitch, you read the book already!
–DGA Theater, West 57th Street
Black chick #1: Girl, he so fine.
Black chick #2: Mmm…
Queer: Yes, we all know he’s fine, but shut the fuck up!
–AMC Empire 25, West 42nd Street
Overheard by: Scott Hoffman
Girl: So for the last half-hour of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants I couldn’t stop crying. Then everybody in the theater turned around and laughed at me.
–Waverly & Mercer
Overheard by: Stu
Guy #1: You still fixing vans for that production house?
Guy #2: Yeah, I even got in a movie. Check me out in Prime; it’s with Uma Thurman. I’m in it for like 20 seconds playing basketball on the street with a red do-rag. I was like 30 pounds heavier then; I just got out of jail.
–DMV, Greenwich Street
Overheard by: Anthony Bloodsucker
Black woman: All these assholes going to the movies…Lowest common denominator!
–Loews Lincoln Square ladies’ room, West 68th Street
Overheard by: Amanda K
Girl: I heard there’s an Asian girl in the new Harry Potter.
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: So they are branching out.
Guy: Yeah…but she is kinda big.
–Beard Papa’s, Broadway & Astor
Overheard by: sim choo
Girl: I am dating two different guys with kids and no one will take me to see Harry Potter. Now that‘s fucked up.
–Eatery, 9th Avenue
Overheard by: Mike
Suit: I think you would really like As Good As It Gets.
Woman: Is that the one with Jennifer Aniston?
Suit: No, it’s Helen Keller.
–75th & 3rd
Overheard by: Aaron Hotfelder
Chick: You know we couldn’t be friends if you had Down Syndrome. Honestly! We couldn’t relate. You’d be all, “Eugh“, and I’d be like, “What do you mean by that?”.
–Macy’s, West 34th Street
A couple walks by holding hands, a tall man and a short woman.
Chick: What’s with the Wookie-Ewok love?
Guy: Dude, that’s harsh.
–13th & University
Girl: You know her, she’s making stuff up again!
Crazy woman: Hey! Did you just call me Chewbacca?
–1 train
Overheard by: poptart
Girl #1: Look, that policewoman has a seeing-eye dog! Isn’t that cool?
Girl #2: Oh yeah, cool, they have them here for that anti-terrorism shit.
Cop lady: …Is she friggin’ kidding me?
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Tara B
