Middle school kid #1: Why do they call it “PMS”?
Middle school kid #2: I dunno.
Middle school kid #1: Because “Mad Cow Disease” was taken.
(hilarious laughter ensues)
Middle school kid #2: That’s so funny. (pause) What’s “PMS”?
Middle school kid #1: I think it’s “Post Mental Syndrome” You know, when you dry up and can’t have babies.
–R Train
Woman #1: What’s wrong with Eddie*?
Woman #2: Oh, Eddie* gets claustrophobic in the city.
Little boy: That means he’s afraid of Santa Claus!
–39th St & 6th Ave
Little boy: In the old days, before they had shopping bags, what did they use? Did they use paper bags?
Weary mom: Yes.
Little boy: Really? Brown paper bags?
Mom: Yes.
Little boy: That’s so cool!
–31st Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Brigid
Woman: Do you have any books on violins?
Sales guy: Well, we don’t have a lot about playing them, but we have some about the sensuality of it.
Woman: It’s for a child.
Sales guy: Oh.
–Borders, 57th & Park Ave
Father to little daughter: You are the most beautiful girl in this photo… and I’m not biased.
(daughter smiles)
Father: Do you know what “biased” means?
Daughter (rolling her eyes): Yes, it means that you like both boys and girls.
–F Train
Little girl with Nintendo DS: Mommy, since I can’t sleep in my room tonight, do I still have to help you right now?
Mom: Yes, you can still help.
Little girl: Ugh, fine. Just let me go die.
–Union Square
Southern tourist child: Daddy, was Jesus Dolly Parton’s best friend too?
Southern tourist father: No, no one really loved Dolly Parton.
–34th & Lexington
Overheard by: Graham Davis
Mother, scolding six-year-old girl: No more kissing until… you’re 27!
Little girl: But…
–74th & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Wall Street guy #1: So I was watching A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila and my son asked: “Dad, what’s a lesbian?” I mean, I wish I could tell him about it when he’s ready.
Wall Street guy #2: Yeah, so anyway. They have these only boys and only girls birthday parties for the little kids down at Fire Island…
Wall Street guy #1: So you think the parties turn them into lesbians?
Wall Street guy #2: No, I’m just trying to segue into talking about something other than… (looks around train suspiciously) lesbians.
–Downtown 6 Train
Puppeteer: Do you know who Benjamin Franklin is?
Little boy: There’s no such thing as Benjamin Franklin!
–McDonald’s, 9th Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ian
