Kids

Little girl on bathroom line: Mommy, let’s go in that one.
She points to the men’s room
Mother: No honey, that one is for boys. You can’t go in there until you’re 25 and at a bar and you really have to go.

–Panorama, 85th and 2nd

Headline by: Michael Johns

Runners-Up:

· “Hoochie-mama Knows Best” – senzanome

· “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” – William Levy

· “Daddy Always Lets Me” – David Kafrissen

· “Drew Barrymore at the E.T. Wrap Party” – Marc

· “Old enough to pee, good enough for me” – Big Jacobi

· “Ah, the natural desire to return to your place of conception” – MarcusJ

· “Mind Your Pees And Queues” – Dave Barnette

· “This life lesson brought to you by Bacardi” – RyRy

Honorable mentions:

· “…. And he’s really good looking, or he has coke” – Ryan

· “It’s also OK if you’re dragged” – Steve Estes

· “Don’t forget to put the seat back up when you’re done.” – Deek

· “Therapist session (retroactive)” – noa

· “Passing the Torch” – Jessy B

· “Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarden” – M. Walker

· “Barfly: Generations” – Derek L.

· “Paris Hilton’s First, And Last, Babysitting Gig” – John P.

· “Never To Early To Have Penis Envy” – Brian Drew

· “Void Where Prohibited” – Dave Barnette

· “Or completely out of money” – Natalie

· “How to raise a winner” – Adina C

· “Because that’s how you’ll get respect, honey” – Amanda

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Little girl, loudly: ROAR!
Little girl’s dad: Leslie, stop it, you’re scaring the people.
Little girl, quietly: Roar…
Little girl’s dad: Very nice Les, scare them subtly.

–Payless, 225th & Broadway

Overheard by: NARS

Kid: Daddy! Daddy! Can I give you a wedgie?
Father: If you do I won’t feed you for a week
Cashier laughs.
Father: At least he asked this time… Usually he just does it

–Walgreens, Manhattan

Mom taking photos of son: Smile, sweetie.
[click click] Mom: Smile from within, honey.
[click click] Mom: Smiling from within means smile like you’re happy on the inside.
[click click] Mom: Okay, not that much.

–Prospect Park

Kid : What kind of things do you make?
Balloon-twisting clown: Animals, minerals, vegetables. That kind of thing.

–Gramercy Street Fair, 3rd Ave

Conductor #1: If you are traveling with small child, the elderly, or the intoxicated, be sure to take them by the hand as there is a large gap between the train and the station platform.
Conductor #2: Dude, shut up.
Conductor #1: Roger that.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: One of the intoxicated

Girl: I mean, I never want to get married. Like… never. But I really want babies. So I guess I’m just going to have a bastard.

–Marquet Cafe, 15 East 12th St

Overheard by: Grace

Little boy: You be the president, and I’ll be the terrorist.

–Queens Blvd & 63rd St

Overheard by: Nina

An Israeli guy is reading a newspaper in Hebrew.

Kid: What language is that? Russian or something?
Israeli guy: No, it’s Hebrew. It might look a little like Russian, but you read it from right to left
Kid: Really? That must be hard.

–3 train

Little girl around 8 years old: I’m going to kill you.
Little girl #2: You can’t. You don’t have a knife.
Little girl #1: I didn’t mean violently. I meant humorously.

–56th & 6th

Overheard by: Nina