Father: And that’s where Mommy is.
Little boy: That’s where the penis is!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: E.B. Dresner
Mom: So I talked to the lawyers this morning, honey, and when school is done, we’re going to move into the Hampton house.
5-year-old son: Is Daddy coming?
Mom: No sweetie, he is going to stay in the city.
–71 Irving Place Coffee & Tea Bar
Overheard by: DBG
An ice cream truck is going up the street.
Little girl in wagon: Daddy, that truck song is annoying.
Hipster dad: Yes, the commodification of your desires is annoying, isn’t it?
–Bedford & N 10th
Overheard by: susan
Boy: Mommy, is make-up just for girls?
Mom: Make-up is for girls and really fabulous boys.
–Eckerd, Rockaway Blvd & Liberty Ave, Ozone Park
Overheard by: MadLizard
Mother: Honey, is this 42nd Street?
Father: Peggy, have you not lived in this goddamn city for 32 years?
Mother: Yes, but… I’m just curious. Is it? Just tell me.
Father to daughter: Tell your mother I’m not answering that question.
–Outside Grand Central
Kid on stool: Mom, can I jump off and be Naaaaaaacho?
Mom: You already broke your arm. You can’t be Nacho right now.
–Duane Reade, 96th & Broadway
Little girl on bathroom line: Mommy, let’s go in that one.
She points to the men’s room
Mother: No honey, that one is for boys. You can’t go in there until you’re 25 and at a bar and you really have to go.
–Panorama, 85th and 2nd
Headline by: Michael Johns
Runners-Up:
· “Hoochie-mama Knows Best” – senzanome
· “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!” – William Levy
· “Daddy Always Lets Me” – David Kafrissen
· “Drew Barrymore at the E.T. Wrap Party” – Marc
· “Old enough to pee, good enough for me” – Big Jacobi
· “Ah, the natural desire to return to your place of conception” – MarcusJ
· “Mind Your Pees And Queues” – Dave Barnette
· “This life lesson brought to you by Bacardi” – RyRy
Honorable mentions:
· “…. And he’s really good looking, or he has coke” – Ryan
· “It’s also OK if you’re dragged” – Steve Estes
· “Don’t forget to put the seat back up when you’re done.” – Deek
· “Therapist session (retroactive)” – noa
· “Passing the Torch” – Jessy B
· “Everything I Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarden” – M. Walker
· “Barfly: Generations” – Derek L.
· “Paris Hilton’s First, And Last, Babysitting Gig” – John P.
· “Never To Early To Have Penis Envy” – Brian Drew
· “Void Where Prohibited” – Dave Barnette
· “Or completely out of money” – Natalie
· “How to raise a winner” – Adina C
· “Because that’s how you’ll get respect, honey” – Amanda
Kid: Daddy! Daddy! Can I give you a wedgie?
Father: If you do I won’t feed you for a week
Cashier laughs.
Father: At least he asked this time… Usually he just does it
–Walgreens, Manhattan
Mom taking photos of son: Smile, sweetie.
[click click]
Mom: Smile from within, honey.
[click click]
Mom: Smiling from within means smile like you’re happy on the inside.
[click click]
Mom: Okay, not that much.
–Prospect Park