I’m Thankful for My Health

Girl #1: Oh no, I can feel my pulse in my neck!
Girl #2: You can always feel your pulse in your neck, douchebag.
Girl #1: No, but it’s, like, really strong.

–Washington Square Park

Bag lady: I have osteoporosis.
Hobo: Ostoprognosis? Is that serious?
Bag lady: Well, I might die from it. It makes you boneless. I have no bones. Like a Perdue chicken.
Hobo: So it turns you into a skeleton!

–2 train

Guy: I wish I could turn my fat into gold.

–18th & 5th

Overheard by: basselope

Old cashier lady: Sixteen years ago they gave me 72 hours to live. I only have three arteries in my heart.
Old customer lady: How many are you supposed to have?
Old cashier lady: Four.
Old customer lady: Oh. That’s not that bad…

–Stop and Shop, Astoria

Overheard by: Dan

Posted on November 24, 2005
Age/Aging, Astoria, Bag ladies, Body Parts, Cashiers, Death, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Food, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Manhattan, Old People, On the Subway, People, Places, Queens, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues, Washington Square Park

Another Brilliant Brian Kinney Campaign

Ad guy #1: “Up Your Budget”? I don’t get it.
Ad guy #2: It’s for the rental car company.
Ad guy #1: But it makes you think of Up Your Butt. Is that the point? Budget wants people to think about stuffing things in their ass?
Ad guy #2: I don’t know.
Ad guy #1: “Look at me, I’m stuffing things in my ass!” “We try harder, we’re number two. We’re stuffing things in our ass!”…Hertz!

–Madison & 50th

Overheard by: Kevin

Posted on November 18, 2005
9 to 5-ers, Backdoor, Business and Commerce, Cars and Driving, Guys, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

It’s Time for NYC Short Stories

Guy #1: What time is it?
Guy #2: One o’clock.
Guy #1: What? How long has it been one?
Guy #2: Less than a minute?

–57th & Lexington

Mom: Hey! If you’re hungry I’ll buy you a hot dog. Don’t bite your brother…Hey! What did I just tell you?

She flicks his ear; he yelps.

Mom: Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.

–Stop & Shop, Union Turnpike

Overheard by: Chris B

A woman gets on the train and begs for money. She is upset that other people ask for money and spend it on the wrong things. She promises she is being sincere and that she isn’t going to spend it on drugs; she needs it to buy food for her 93 day old baby.

Four days later the same woman gets on the train, telling how she is being honest and needs the money to buy food. Only now she claims her baby is 76 days old.

Funny how she’s begging for money, when she should really just sell that time machine.

–Q train

Overheard by: Jill

Guy: Hey man, wanna make some quick money moving some equipment for me?
Hobo: I don’t have time right now.

–30th & 7th

Overheard by: theallegedother

Posted on November 15, 2005
Friends, Homeless, Manhattan, Money & Class, Parents, Time

Embarrassment Took Care of the Other Two

Professor guy: Does anyone know who the celebrity advocate is for sickle cell anemia? Come on people, you can’t be less hip than me.
NYU girl: T-Boz.
Professor guy: That’s right! T-Boz! From what group?
NYU girl: TLC.
Professor guy: Yeah, TLC! And in case you don’t know who they are…

He puts a picture of TLC on the overhea[r]d projector.

Professor guy: I actually have their CD. I put it on at home when I feel like getting jiggy with it. I thought we’d listen to it while you work. Not I Don’t Want No Scrubs, partly because I don’t know what that means.

–Silver Building, Waverly Place