Guy: What flavor should I get?
Drunk girl: I’d get butter pecan but I’m lactose intolerant and it’d make me shit like a champ.
–Bodega, Houston & 6th
Guy: What flavor should I get?
Drunk girl: I’d get butter pecan but I’m lactose intolerant and it’d make me shit like a champ.
–Bodega, Houston & 6th
Drunk chick: Why am I so drunk?!
Cabbie: Because you drink a lot!
–10th Ave
Overheard by: i don’t drink a lot
Old lady: Hey, you know what time it is? You got a face so pretty, I swear I’ll have to cut you if you don’t tell me what time it is.
Guy: Five thirty.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Romanoff
Little girl: Will I have big mountain nungas like you someday?
Big sister: Only hillocks, I fear.
–58th & 6th
Overheard by: EAK
Tweenie boy #1: Michael Jackson SUCKS!
Tweenie boy #2: Well, did you hear his music when he was black?
Tweenie boy #1: Michael Jackson was black?!
–Central Park
Overheard by: nas
Teen boy: “Romanian”? What’s that, Italian?
–N train
Little Boy, running towards pigeon on sidewalk: RAWWWWWR!
Mother: Sweetie, they’re not afraid here. This is New York.
–39th & 3rd
Overheard by: erin
Dreadlocked guy: I’m a customer and you’re saying I can’t use the restroom?
Ambiguously ethnic deli owner: You can’t use it this often. You come here every day and stay there for 20-25 minutes. I don’t know what you’re doing in there.
Dreadlocked guy: Well if you want to get so technical, the first time I was taking a dump.
–34th & 1st
Teen boy #1: Fuck, these fucking Fig Newtons taste like shit. And what the fuck is a fig, anyway?
Teen boy #2: I don’t know, but whatever the fuck it is, it looks like you’re eating a shit cookie.
–51st between 9th & 10th
Jappy highschool queen bee to Starbucks guy wearing earrings: Are those real diamonds?
Twentysomething African-American Starbucks guy: No.
Jappy highschool queen bee: Awwww I’ll mail you some real ones for your Bar Mitzvah, okay?
–Stabrucks, 78th & Lex
