Dreadlocked guy: I’m a customer and you’re saying I can’t use the restroom?
Ambiguously ethnic deli owner: You can’t use it this often. You come here every day and stay there for 20-25 minutes. I don’t know what you’re doing in there.
Dreadlocked guy: Well if you want to get so technical, the first time I was taking a dump.
–34th & 1st
Teen boy #1: Fuck, these fucking Fig Newtons taste like shit. And what the fuck is a fig, anyway?
Teen boy #2: I don’t know, but whatever the fuck it is, it looks like you’re eating a shit cookie.
–51st between 9th & 10th
Jappy highschool queen bee to Starbucks guy wearing earrings: Are those real diamonds?
Twentysomething African-American Starbucks guy: No.
Jappy highschool queen bee: Awwww I’ll mail you some real ones for your Bar Mitzvah, okay?
–Stabrucks, 78th & Lex
Girl #1: She said to meet her in front of some type of iron building.
Girl #2: What’s that?
Girl #1: I don’t know. Some building made out of iron. What’s that building made out of?
–23rd & Broadway
Tourist girl [standing in middle of busy sidewalk]: Oh, excuse me! [spins around] Oh! [turns around] Omigod! Like, I just ran into like four people and I’m not even walking!
City guy: Try walking.
Tourist girl: What?
City guy [reluctantly drawn in]: Look, in New York most people aboveground get where they’re going by walking. The sidewalks are the main roads in the city.
Tourist girl: [blank stare]
City guy [getting frustrated]: If you were driving on a busy road, you wouldn’t just stop or take random turns in traffic without checking your mirrors or signaling, right?
Tourist girl: How do I signal?
–43rd & Broadway
Chick #1: Who’s that actress who plays Blanche Devereaux?
Chick #2: Rue McClanahan!
Chick #1: Okay, you can say it. You’re not drunk enough yet.
–2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Winnie Cooper
Teen girl #1: So, my boyfriend told me that if I didn’t have sex with him, he’d break up with me. So I did, but then he broke up with me anyway. I don’t understand!
Teen girl #2: Well, maybe you were really bad at it.
–43rd & 7th
Guy: Yo, you got rolling papers?
Store lady: I don’t know. What is that?
Guy: You know, Zig-Zag.
Store lady: I don’t know, what is that for?
–CVS, 32nd & 5th
Overheard by: Abbey Leroux
Hobo: Hey baby, will you marry me? Wanna get married?
Girl: No thanks.
Hobo: Will if you won’t marry me, will you at least go on a date?
Girl: I guess I’d be paying.
–Astor Place
Girl: Excuse me! Do you have a girlfriend?
Guy passerby: Yes [keeps walking].
Girl: But does she appreciate you? You’re beautiful!
–Broadway, near City Hall Park
Overheard by: just walkin
