Chick 1: So he was hot but you didn't call him back because he was descended from royalty and his family was assassinated?
Chick 2: More or less. And he asked me to decorate his apartment 13 minutes after I met him.
Chick 1: But he was half Greek.
Chick 2: And half Syrian.
Chick 1: Oh.
–L Train
Young man: So I told her, “shut the hell up, you fucking bitch!”
Older woman: Jeez, how many times can you be in a homicidal rage over musical theater?
–A Train
Overheard by: Kelly
Guy on cell: I’m going to kill you, and it’s going to hurt. You know that, right?…I’m not talking shit!
–Duane Reade, 44th & 5th
Bored tween: Hey! We should wake up early tomorrow and kill some squirrels with my slingshot!
Bored tween sister: You're not gonna kill those innocent squirrels unless they try to kill you first!
–Highland Park, New York
UPS guy: Hey, man, last dude who chased me got killed.
Guy eating fruit cup: Mmm-hmmmmmm…
–46th & 6th
Overheard by: GoodToKnow
Teenage girl #1: Well, if someone runs up to us you can just shoot him.
Teenage girl #2, astonished: You know what? I think I left my gun in my other pants!!
Teenage girl #1, laughing: Well, watch out! Even though you're my best friend, if an angry man chases us, I'm tripping you!
–34th St
Elegantly dressed woman: I don't remember what happened last night, but I feel like I need to plant a tree or something to make up for it.
Attractive friend: What does that even mean?
Elegantly dressed woman: I don't know.
Attractive friend: I drank so much… I killed a tree?
–A Train
Guy in khakis, watching hipster: I'm totally more of a hipster than her.
Friend: No, you're not.
Guy in khakis: I am! You don't know what I'm like outside. I just turn it off for work. I've got a ton of tattoos…
Friend: No, you don't. Your mom would kill you.
Guy in khakis, hanging head: No, I don't. My mom would kill me.
–Fordham Law School
Woman #1: Ohmigod.
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: Ohmigod!
Woman #2: What? What?!
Woman #1: Why am I naked on twitter??!
Woman #2: You can be naked on that thing? Sign me up!
Woman #1: I'm gonna kill that prick!
Woman #2: (laughs)
Woman #1: What's so funny?!
Woman #2: They should call it “twatter.”
Woman #1: Shut up.
Woman #2: Tweets from your twat.
Woman #1: So you're not gonna take this seriously?
Woman #2: … Fodder from twatter.
–Dunkin' Donuts
20-something girl to another: You know, with most of the other saints, the way they met their demise had no entertainment value!
–Morningside Heights
Woman to guy, nodding thoughtfully: Hell, no, I'm not going to jail! I don't care if he killed him, he's not gonna kill me too!
–Crown Heights
Grandpa wearing Brooklyn dodgers cap to grandson: Listen to me! Are you listening to me? The last two guys who didn't listen to me ended up dead with their heads blown off! Is that what you want? (pause) So… You hungry?
–IKEA Parking, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gene D. Gray
30-something guy: If I were 28, in great shape, and everyone loved me, I wouldn't just be in trouble with the law, I'd be dead.
–Mooncake Foods, Soho
Overheard by: Robert
Crazy Puerto Rican with wild poodle: Mira! Mira! Cancel the fucking casket–she ain't dead yet, bitch! Mira!
–86th St & East End
