Murder

Young woman to another: But do you know how big a horse dick is?

–5th Ave & Carroll, Park Slope

Girl: I'm really tired. I'm, like, an animal activist right now.

–Parking Lot, Broadway Mall

Overheard by: Lysa

Student: I'm not that sensitive. I can watch those videos where they like, torture the animal or whatever, and then I'll go eat it.

–Cardozo Law School

Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Panda?

–NYU Dining Hall

Columbia girl: I'd never have asked if I knew he was the one who'd killed it. But I didn't suspect him. Who'd spend their time strangling a gerbil?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Who'd have thought?

Guido to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.

–Penn Station

Lady on speaker: If you have an animal, please do not put it through the X-ray.

–LaGuardia Airport

Mother to child in front of diorama of pilgrims and Native Americans: Well, that's because the Indians never met real people before.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Peter R.

Young girl, arriving through train tunnel at Grand Central Station: I wonder if Harriet Tubman is down here.

–Grand Central Station

Airhead: I think like… Colonialization is like… The umbrella theme of, like… Diplomacy.

–Pommes Frites

History teacher, about Andrew Jackson: He tight, he kill mad people, he buggin'.

–High School

Teacher, discussing Thomas Jefferson's mistress: You see, guys? History is exciting! It's full of sex!

–High School, Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: SzN31

Girl: So I’m saying… Would you murder my pussy?
Guy: Hell nah.
Girl: Why not?
Guy, laughing: I’ll end up in jail, ma.
Girl: What?
Guy: You can’t handle me, trust. My dick is deadly. It will kill you and your pussy.

–Brooklyn

Older, dirty-looking hobo: Hey, spare me some change, all I want tonight is a hooker and some malt liquor.

–Ave A & 4th St

20-something girl: Seriously! There is nothing better after a stressful day than stealing a car, picking up a hooker, taking her to the beach, fucking her, killing her, getting your money back and not getting arrested. Nothing!

–Underhill & St. Mark's, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Claire H.

Young woman to boss: If you don't give me more hours, I'mma have to start sellin' my pussy!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Holly

Subway musician in drag the night before Valentine's Day: Be with the one you love! If you don't have anyone, then hire somebody! And keep your receipt!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Morning Glory

Musician on train platform: Everything gonna be alright! Get home safe, New York. Remember: if you see something, say something, don't keep it to yourself. And remember, New York, if you can't be with the one you love, pay someone! Keep all the receipts. I know what I'm talking about.

–B Train

Overheard by: Free Love

Husband pushing carriage to wife: You're lucky I'm on my way to church right now, or I'd kill you.

–Upper West Side

Chick on cell: But the real question is, is he Catholic? And an insomniac?

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Poogins

Sequined Australian drag queen: Well, I know an Antichrist religion when I see it.

–2nd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Alisha

Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was little, but like I don't believe him.

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Train conductor: 110th Street, Cathedral Parkway. There are churches here, you know.

–1 Train

Man to woman, after getting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I gotta get over there before she's got to go to church.

–Q Train

Overheard by: spygirl

14-year-old #1: …a white car with a red stripe. Those are the people that steal shit.
14-year-old #2: They steal shit?
14-year-old #1: Yeah. Or murder. Something.

–Colonial Road & 74th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jon A.

Teacher: My father always told me, "Never run away from a fight. If the guy's bigger than you, hit him. If he gets back up, hit him again. If he gets back up again, hit him with a garbage can. If he still gets back up, run like hell, 'cause this dude's gonna kill you!"

–Stuyvesant High School

Teacher: Okay. Emergency procedures. If the fire bell rings, we run like hell.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Goober

Chinese teacher (referring to Sichuan earthquake): They had a saying after the earthquake happened that originates from a male part. "People are supposed to rise up, and get hard!" …and be strong.

–Bard High School Early College

Math teacher: Give me your little men!

–Spence School

English teacher: I could be charged with child abuse in some states for teaching grammar in 90-degree weather. (student is silent) I'm not going to hit you.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Drunk Suit #1: You do realize that we’re going to jail for this, right?
Drunk Suit #2: Yeah, I know.
Drunk Suit #1: I mean, Powers is dead!

–Dock’s Oyster Bar, 40th & 3rd

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Suit on cell: If he doesn’t get me the fucking money, I’ll kill that bitch!
Hobo: How about you give me some money, and I’ll kill that bitch?

–St. Mark’s

Woman #1: You know, when I remember my childhood, I realize that my family was really complicated; my father and uncle were always fighting… Actually, my uncle tried to shoot my father once –
Woman #2: Wait, what?
Woman #1: Listen, that’s not the complicated part.

–Westside Brewery, Upper West Side

Overheard by: vitupera