Six Wednesday One-Liners Under

Girl on phone: Did he actually try to kill you, or is this like the time at the supermarket when you thought the cashier was coming onto you because he touched your hand giving you change?

–Time Square

HR person: I don't want to whack her until I have to. But I probably will.

–Broadway

Little boy to mom: Mommy, what does it feel like to die?

–7th & Carroll, Park Slope

Well-dressed man on cell: I know, we need to make sure that none of them live.

–8th St & Broadway

Seven-year-old girl to mom, after being scolded: I'm going to kill you.

–4 Train

Long Island woman: Well, sure, it's a great place if you want to be raped and murdered every day.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Cori

Posted on May 23, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Clerks, Death, Girls, Kids, Men, Moms, Money & Class, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Paranoia, Parents, Park Slope, Punch, Questions, Rape, Sensory Experiences, Should've Used a Condom, Street, The Village, Threats, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

It Still Beats Unemployment, Though

Girl: My job is terrible.
Guy: Gimme a break, my job is so bad I wanna kill anyone who even looks at me…and half of the people who don't.
Girl: Okay, you win.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Dustin

Posted on April 26, 2018
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

…And a Milkshake, Please.

Woman in store: Let me get a bacon and cheese on a roll.
Deli guy: Okay, bacon egg and cheese on a roll.
Woman: No eggs! I have high cholesterol, I'm trying to stay away from that… Just bacon and cheese on a roll, and put some mayonnaise on it. (mutters under her breath) Pshhh, eggs, you tryin to kill me with high cholesterol.

–Lafayette Ave & Broadway

Posted on January 31, 2018
Clerks, Customers, Delis, Food, Health and Hygiene, Murder, Offers and requests, The Village

The Voting Public, in a Nutshell

Drunk guy #1: Yeah, everyone says that if Obama gets elected, he'll get assassinated. But I don't know, man.
Drunk guy #2: Fuck it, I'm voting for John McClane.

–F Train

Posted on January 29, 2018
Default, Drunks, Guys, Movies, Murder, Names, On the Subway, Politics

When It Comes to Naming, New Yorkers Have No Equa

Teenage boy #1: I saw you with Shanequa yesterday.
Teenage boy #2: No, that was Tamequa.
Teenage boy #3: Man… If I meet another -equa I'm gonna kill somebody.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Zetspat

Posted on December 30, 2017
Brooklyn, Murder, Names, Teens, Threats

That’s the Axe Effect, You Gauche Biotech

A crazy man mutters to a girl walking by. She ignores him and keeps walking.

Crazy man: God kill all the lesbians. God please kill all the lesbians. Kill the lesbians. God please kill all the lesbians!
Woman on bench: Yeah, I’m sure it’s because she is a lesbian, and had has nothing to do with the fact that he has three combs stuck in his afro and smells like a dead goat.

–Columbus Circle station

Posted on August 21, 2017
Anger Management, Cleanliness, Crazies, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Women

When Rabbits Threaten Blackmail.

Girl #1: I will kill all of your firstborns!
Girl #2: All of them?

–Megabus, Penn Station

Overheard by: Lisa

Posted on July 1, 2017
Family Ties, Girls, Kids, Murder, On the Bus, Penn Station, Threats

WOLing Me Softly

Grandma to kid: It’s really hard to kill people, you know.

–West Village

(20-something sits down and stretches his arms out in a yawn)
Man sitting one seat away: If you touch my leg I’ll kill you.

–1 Train

Middle-aged beefcake on phone: Oh yeah? Well he’s not trying anymore because he’s dead.

–42nd & Lex

Overheard by: bildita

Suit on cell: He was a great guy, until he decided to kill someone.

–Smith & Wollensky

Loud woman on payphone (very angrily): Well what the fuck am I supposed to do with her? Mausoleum? What? What the fuck?

–96th & Madison

Overheard by: grateful undead

Seven-year-old black boy: I’m goin’ to Iraq, to kill Obama!

–125th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: The Drummey

Posted on April 3, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Boys, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Death, Families, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Meatheads, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Politics, Restaurants & Cafes, Suits, Threats, Upper East Side, War, Weirdness, West Village, Women

White Folks Hire People to Kill Each Other

Thug #1: Yeah man, there’s some fucked up shit going on.
Thug #2: Word son, niggas killin’ niggas.
White guy across the car: It’s a win-win situation.

–LIRR train to Penn Station from Jamaica