Toddler to older sister: The pencil! Pencil! Look! (screaming) Looooook!
Teenage sister: That's the Washington Monument.
Toddler: Noooooo! It'll kill us! (sobbing uncontrollably) Kiiiillll! (continues sobbing)

National Mall
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Meaggoo

Student #1: I told my dad I wanted to be famous, and he told me I should kill someone. I was like, seven.
Student #2: At least he's supportive.

Philedelphia University, Pennsylvania

Thug to friend: I ain't no dream killer!

Seattle, Washington

Little girl: And god loves everybody. God even loves you.
Scary little boy: I'm going to kill you.
Little girl: God will love you, even if you do.

Round Rock, Texas

Chick on cell phone: My roommate was rolling a lint roller all over her head for like ten minutes and finally I was like: “What the fuck are you doing? You’re gonna pull all your hair out!” … Haha yeah… She threatened to kill me if I asked her anymore questions… She probably watches me sleep.

UB Bus
Buffalo, New York

Zombie studies professor, after lecturing at length on feminist film theory: But enough of that boring stuff. Let's watch a movie where people get murdered!

Chicago, Illinois

Mother: What time do you need to get up tomorrow?
Teen daughter: 8.30.
Mother: Well, I'm going to be leaving a little before that.
Teen daughter, offhandedly: “Wake me up/before you go-go.”
Mother: I will kill you.

Aurora, Colorado

Woman: You should never kill people, especially if you’re poor!

Nova Scotia

Overheard by: there goes my plan

Teacher to class: What is your number one fear surrounding public speaking?
Student: Assassination.

Universtiy of Colorado

Overheard by: Owl is a hairstyle

Ethics professor: Killing drug dealers is okay, but killing priests is wrong. Wait, I may have that backwards…

Marist College
Poughkeepsie, New York