Subway sandwich maker: Can I help you?
Crazy old woman: Ughh.
Lady behind her: Pick from something on the list.
Crazy old woman: Cheese! Just cheese! A cheese sandwich.
–Subway, Hudson Street
Overheard by: Brendan
Subway sandwich maker: Can I help you?
Crazy old woman: Ughh.
Lady behind her: Pick from something on the list.
Crazy old woman: Cheese! Just cheese! A cheese sandwich.
–Subway, Hudson Street
Overheard by: Brendan
Girl #1: Will you be my Valentine?
Girl #2: Of course!
Girl #1: Yay! Let's smear dark chocolate all over our buttocks and spank each other with peacock feathers! And suck on each others candy necklaces.
Girl #2: You're kinky.
Girl #1: You know it.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: kinkyvalentines
Crazy lady: Can I taste that pizza?
Whole Foods employee: No, you're only allowed one sample, and I already gave you one.
Crazy lady: No, you didn't!
Employee: Yes I did, I can see it in your mouth!
Guy in line: Gross.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Woman in line at concession: Do you serve coffee?
Cashier: No.
Woman in line at concession: Okay, I'll have a hot dog.
–Movie Theater, 68th St
Overheard by: JEI
Husband: What do you want to do?
Wife: I want to get a massage.
Husband: You want a Chinese massage? I’ll put on stilletos and walk on your back.
–12th & 4th
Overheard by: lbp
Docent: I'm sorry, sir. Only staff are allowed in the elevator at this time. The roof is closed due to bad weather.
Man: But the museum closes in thirty minutes. This is my last chance. I really don't mind a few raindrops.
Docent: Sorry sir, staff only.
Man: Could you please get a staff member to take me up then? I came all the way from Jersey for this.
–The Met
Girl: Just tell me!
Guy: Well what do you think? Do you think I cheated on you, yes or no?
Girl: No!
Guy: Wrong.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Emma
Girl: Can I get a pack of Camels, please?
Cashier guy: Sure…Need a lighter?
Girl: No, thanks.
Cashier guy: Matches?
Girl: I’m all set.
Cashier guy: Receipt?
Girl: No.
Cashier guy: A bag?
Girl: Can I get the fuck out of your store, please?
–Duane Reade, 53rd & 8th
Man to confused ladies turning around to exit porn shop: We have straight stuff too!
Women, re-entering store: Oh! In that case…
–Chelsea
Headline by: Paul Tabachneck
Runners-Up:
· “All Our Dildos Are Unisex…” – Jacques
· “But You’ll Need to Enter the Store Via the Front Door” – Zorak
· “Do You Have Any Dildos Shaped Like Clay Aiken?” – Clay got a bitch preggers…
· “I’ll Take 600 Of Your Finest, Blackest Dildos, Please.” – porter
· “Ironically, It’s In the Rear.” – Allison
· “It´s In the Back Behind the Curtain” – Deek
Hobo: Yo man, it’s freezing outside! Can I get a shirt?
Teenager with suitcase: No, go away.
Hobo: Come on man, you probably got like ten shirts in there.
Teenager with suitcase: Listen to me bum, you’re already wearing ten shirts, you’re not getting a shirt.
Bum: My name’s Max.
Teenager with suitcase: I’m Peter.
–Penn Station
