From the Trailer for Disney/Pixar’s Ratatouille

Woman: You know how those animal people are, though. I mean, I speak to them, though! I’ve done pigeon rescues and stuff before. I love animals.
Man: Did you ever bury your rats?
Woman: No… I just can’t bring myself to do it.
Man: How long has it been? Three years?
Woman: Yeah. They’re still in my freezer.
Man: Just bury them already!
Woman: I can’t bring myself to do it! They were my favorite!
Man: But they’re IN YOUR FREEZER! Why not have them stuffed, then?
Woman: What? No! That would be wacky!

–A train, 207th St

Overheard by: Auston McLain

Posted on October 1, 2006
Crazies, Death, On the Subway, We Love Our Pets

The Paradoxical Height Thing Makes Them Insecure and Eager to Please

Schoolgirl #1: You know that tall short blond girl?
Schoolgirl #2: You just described about 250 girls in our school.
Schoolgirl #1: Um… the one who isn’t a whore.
Schoolboy: That narrows it down to about five.

–Manhattan bound F train

Overheard by: Fareeda

Posted on September 29, 2006
Fast Times at New York High, Hair, Height, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Students

I’m Just High on God, Officer

Guy: If I can be a good crackhead, I can be a good Christian.

–A train

Posted on September 28, 2006
Christianity, Hard Drugs, Hobos, On the Subway

Wednesday’s Child is Full of One-Liners

Ten-year-old: If I work on my claw skills, I will always be able to tell what time it is!

–CVS, Lexington Ave

Child tourist: There’s so many people. Don’t they have jobs?

–Times Square

Overheard by: rae

Young boy: Were you sniffing my father?

–Bronx Zoo

Little girl: I can’t wait ’til I have my own psychic friend.

–181st & Pinehurst

Overheard by: Josh h

Young boy: Mommy, I wanna go see the thongs.

–Saks

Overheard by: Butt Floss

Young girl tourist, exiting taxi: Goodbye! I love you! More than all the other cabs!

–Thompson & 3rd

Overheard by: kerm and mere

Little girl: You always make things up! You made this game up, you made the rules up, you even made me up!

–19th Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on September 27, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Kids, On the Subway, Wednesday One-Liners

Hee Hee Hee, You Said ‘Wednesday One-Liners’

Woman: See? I’m really good at boning.

–Gavroche, 14th & 7th

Overheard by: the immature restaurant guest

Woman, yelling over to man during downpour: How come every man I date ends up getting me wet?

–Water Club, 500 E 30th

Overheard by: Carolyn

Burly guy: Dude, can you help me get it up?

–Gold’s Gym, 250 West 54th

Teen: I was so thirsty. Anything that went in my mouth, I swallowed.

–LIRR

Overheard by: kaydot

NYU trendoid: I need some nuts, like, hardcore.

–MoMA

Conductor: Please let the passengers get off before pushing on the train. Get them off. Get them off. Get them off fast!

–Manhattan bound L train

Overheard by: Philip

Girl: Ooo! I’ll suck on it with you!

–3rd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: confused grad student

Posted on September 27, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Getting Off, Girls, Guys, Gyms, MoMA, More museums, Museums, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens, Women

Cheech & Chong’s Wednesday One-Liners, Man

Queer: When I get stoned, my grundle itches.

–6 train

Overheard by: sheerah

Street vendor, gesturing to enormous bong: No, no…this one is for tobacco.

–St. Mark’s

Elderly man: People are stupid! They don’t do pot!

–R train

Stoned guy: Man, why do chip manufacturers always put the crumbs at the bottom of the bag?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: bernard black

Teenage gangsta: Yo, when I was in the shower, it totally tasted like weed. For real.

–Lafayette & Houston

Passenger: If you see a suspicious package or activity on the platform or train, don’t keep it to yourself. Tell a cop or an MTA employee or me. There might be some money or some weed in there.

–4 train

Overheard by: Mike

Long-haired dude, picking up a cigarette butt: Man, that’s not what I wanted to smoke.

–72nd & Columbus

Overheard by: clarence rosario

Posted on September 27, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia, Druggies, Drugs, Food, Gangstas, Gays and Lesbians, Manhattan, Men, Old People, On the Subway, One-liners, Queers, Stupidity, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weed

Wednesday One-Liners Know the Guys Down at Vice a Little Too Well

Sassy woman: No, no, no, no. What I don’t think you understand is, his parents are his mother and a pimp.

–33rd & 8th

Overheard by: Alex

Drunk girl: I don’t want to be sold for five dollars on the street!

–1st Ave between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Kira

Record label coordinator: This company needs a hit like a crackwhore on payday.

–150 5th Ave

Addiction expert: I don’t think he’s addicted to porn, but I think he does, like, coke off hookers’ asses.

–6 train, 68th St

Old Jewess: I couldn’t tell if they were singers or prostitutes.

–1 train, 42nd St

Overheard by: Kimdog

Man on cell: So then the hooker walked in with a squeegee. Then I knew it had gone way too far!

–Times Square

Guy: She’s kind of the President of the Prostitute Guild.

–Hughes Ave, the Bronx

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Posted on September 27, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cocaine, Drunks, Family Ties, Jews, On the Subway, Prostitutes, The Bronx, Times Square

They’re Not Going to Be One-Upped on the Surrealism

Guy #1: You know that Anton Webern’s Quartet for the End of Time was performed in a concentration camp? Crazy.
Guy #2: Yeah. He died real weird. I forget how. I think the Nazis shot him.
Total stranger: Actually he was shot by Allied soldiers. He was breaking curfew smoking a cigarette, and they mistook him for his brother-in-law, who was an alleged Nazi spy.
Guy #1: Oh, I see. Thanks.
Total stranger: Any other questions? I just ride this train all day waiting to answer questions on twentieth-century music composition. The next car has an expert on Chekhov, and the conductor studies philosophy.
Guy #1: So anyway, Slavic girls are pretty hot.
Guy #2: Yeah, for real.

–7 train

Posted on September 26, 2006
Beauty, Death, Global Geography, Guys, History & Geography, Hitler/Nazis, Intelligentsia, Music, On the Subway, Strangers, Stupidity, Talking/Convos

The Baby Never Has Anything Intelligent to Say, So We Know You’re the Mother

Woman #1: I know he be my baby’s daddy.
Woman #2: Yeah? How?
Woman #1: They be lookin’ the same. He got no teeth and my baby ain’t got no teeth eitha’.

–6 train, Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: lauren

Posted on September 24, 2006
Babies, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Hootchies, Idiots, On the Subway, Parents, Stupidity, Women

On the Subway