Boy: Mom, why is there a line here and not on the boys’ side?
Mom: Girls go to the bathroom differently. You guys can just stand around and pee and make crosses. You know — how you and Daddy make crosses with your pee-pees?
–Line for women’s room, Radio City Music Hall
Drunk #1: Yo, did you see who was just peeing next to me? Larry David! I think Larry David just sprinkled pee on my shoes!
Drunk #2: So now you’re not gonna clean your shoes ’cause they got celebrity piss on them? Why don’t you sell them on eBay?
Drunk #3: That wasn’t Larry David.
Drunk #1: Yo, then I should kick that guy’s ass for peeing on my shoes!
–Restroom, Cheap Trick concert, Beacon Theatre
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Voice from stall: God, will you give me a sign?
–Restroom, United Nations
Overheard by: Nicolas
Girl in stall: Ugh! The toilet paper is totally not loving me!
–Restroom, Starbucks
Woman crammed in restroom stall with two girls: Okay, hold on… Alright, now. So, tell me what’s up! How do you girls like school?
–Mustang Harry’s, 34th St
Overheard by: Rachel Jordan
Man at urinal: Ow! …That’s not good.
–Restroom, Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: RG
African dude settling into urinal stance: Lookie-here, what’ve we got here? Lookie-here at what we have!
–Restroom, Washington Square Park
Overheard by: off white
Voice from Port-a-Potty: Oh baby, oh baby. Yes!
–Gramercy Park
Queer #1: I can’t believe he did that.
Queer #2: What? If you wanted me to pee on you, I would. That’s how much I love you.
–Greenwich Ave & Perry
Overheard by: John
Drunk girl: Is that a bathroom I see?
Conductor: It’s out of order.
Drunk girl: Ok, I’m going in there.
Conductor: It’s out of order!
Drunk girl’s friend: I don’t think we can use that one, let’s go find a place to squat.
–LIRR
Overheard by: hbs
Teen girl: I’m not saying I wish I had a penis. It would just be nice to be able to pee standing up.
Teen guy: Peeing standing up is a lot like eating grapefruit… One wrong move, and you could squirt yourself in the eye.
Teen girl: Oh my god… seriously?
–Famous Original Ray’s Pizza, 7th Ave
Guy: But I have to say that 93% of the time I smell good.
–West Building, Hunter College
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Butch lesbian: Damn, now that’s the stank I’m talkin’ about. It smells like ass in here!
–Lexington/51St subway station
Girl on cell: Ok, I’ll meet you for coffee, but I need to stop and get some deodorant, because apparently, according to my entire Spanish class, I stink.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: keeping my distance
Ghetto girl: Tanise, what kind of funk are tryin’ to hide with that stink?
–42nd & 8th Avenue
Overheard by: Lauri
Ghetto Girl: If my pussy stank I’d kill myself. My pussy ain’t never stank.
–1 train
Overheard by: Josh H
Little boy: You smell like piss!
–Medieval Festival, Fort Tryon Park
Overheard by: Jenny
Yuppie woman: He’s 14! That’s old enough to recognize the smell of burning human flesh!
–Broadway, between 11th St & 12th St
Overheard by: Are We There Yet?
Little boy: How come every time you come around, my London, London Bridge…
Father: I told you, I don’t like that song. Stop singing it.
Little boy: …wanna go down, like London, London, London…
Father: If you don’t stop singing it, I’ll kill you.
Little boy: …wanna go down, like London, London, London…
Father: That’s it, I killed you. You’re dead. No one can see you now.
Little boy: I can’t be dead. I have to pee.
–Uptown 2 train
Overheard by: Ashwini
English girl: The Strokes could do anything and be hot.
Friend: Yeah.
English girl: Even, like… hmm, I was going to say even if they were having a gay orgy, but —
Friend: That would be hot anyway!
English girl: Yeah! So they’d still be hot even if they…
Friend: Were peeing.
–MAC, Spring St
Broker: This is not a pet-friendly property.
Girl: Does it matter if my cat is toilet-trained?
Broker: I don’t understand.
Girl: My cat doesn’t have a litter box. It uses the toilet. Does that help?
Broker: I am not sure if that makes a difference. How did you do it?
Girl: I used a training kit. CitiKitty.
Broker: It might impress the owner, but I am not sure it makes a difference. Does your cat flush?
Girl: It will if that helps me get the apartment.
–82nd & Columbus
