Girl on cell: So, you know, I was just lying there, like with my face to the wall and stuff and he just whips out his dick and starts hitting me in the back of the head with it.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Zac Stone
Girl on cell: So, you know, I was just lying there, like with my face to the wall and stuff and he just whips out his dick and starts hitting me in the back of the head with it.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Zac Stone
65-year-old lady, in bikini top and Daisy Duke shorts, with belly hanging over: Of course I am bisexual…can't you see the view?"
–49th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: NATE MATHIS
Girl to guy: You can't be bisexual and married, John. That's, like, illegal!
–50th b/w 8th & 9th
Australian chic at bar: It's weird though, he reminds me so much of my ex-girlfriend.
–Mexican Restaruant, Lower East Side
Loud girl on cell: No, I did him, it was so good. (pause) Yeah, I fucked her too, she loved it.
–Hillside & Edgerton
Drunk lesbian: Why can't you be a girl or at least have a really big dick?
–Bowery Ballroom
Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jumana
Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Rich R.
Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice)
–Waverly Place & 5th Ave
Overheard by: steph
Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You!
–Humboldt & Withers
Overheard by: francesca
Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down.
–Williams St
Overheard by: Sonya
40-ish white collar: Did you ever see that video on the internet where a woman blows a horse and she gags when he cums?
30-ish blonde companion: Ewww, no.
40-ish white collar: How about that video where this bald guy who looks like Howie Mandel inserts his entire head into this woman’s giant vagina?
30-ish blonde companion: No, I would have remembered that one.
40-ish white collar: Don’t you keep up with culture?
–Waiting in line to see Martin Short in Fame Becomes Me
Overheard by: Big Larry
Teen girl #1: What if chocolate came out of dicks?
Teen girl #2: Well, then I’d pay him five dollars!
–Union Square
Headline by: MarioRPG
Runners-Up:
· “A Fine Example Of a Win-win Situation” – mike
· “I’m a Dick and Chocolate Comes Out Of Me About Twice a Day.” – Redneck Jedi
· “R. Kelly Trains ‘Em Young” – haz
· “We Could Stop Renting Those Party Fountains” – Golf Widow
· “Willy Wonka’s Splendifferous Splooge” – MiaMiaPantsonFia
Little boy #1: You are a penis.
Little boy #2: No, you are a penis.
Nanny: Alright, whoever says that again gets a time-out.
Little boy #1: Whoever says penis?
Nanny: Nevermind.
–Bleecker & Mercer
Overprivileged yuppie #1: Did you see that? Dude, did you *see* that?! Man, I *own* this fucking city!
Overprivileged yuppie #2: No you don't, skizzball. Donald Trump owns this fucking city.
Overprivileged yuppie #1: Donald Trump can suck my dick!
–85th & 2nd
Overheard by: SoOverIt
Queer #1: Well, I fucked him and — this is really gross — but he had a dick like an asparagus.
Queer #2: Whaddya mean? Like, green?
–Vlada Lounge
Guy: Hey, they have some with a vibrating cock ring!
Girl: Our sex life is complicated enough already.
Guy: But you know how I love little electronic gadgets.
Girl: I’ll buy you an iPod.
–Duane Reade, 7th Street & 6th Avenue
Overheard by: Calliope
Little boy: …and sometimes, my penis, gets stuck on my shirt!
Mom: It does, huh?
Little boy: Yeah, but I just pull it back off!
–Barnes & Noble ladies’ room, Union Square
Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram
