Wednesday One-Liners Double Their Pleasure, Double Their Fun

65-year-old lady, in bikini top and Daisy Duke shorts, with belly hanging over: Of course I am bisexual…can't you see the view?"

–49th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: NATE MATHIS

Girl to guy: You can't be bisexual and married, John. That's, like, illegal!

–50th b/w 8th & 9th

Australian chic at bar: It's weird though, he reminds me so much of my ex-girlfriend.

–Mexican Restaruant, Lower East Side

Loud girl on cell: No, I did him, it was so good. (pause) Yeah, I fucked her too, she loved it.

–Hillside & Edgerton

Drunk lesbian: Why can't you be a girl or at least have a really big dick?

–Bowery Ballroom

Posted on May 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drunks, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Height, Lesbians, Lower East Side, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Penis, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Sexuality, Street, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Social Construct

Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jumana

Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Rich R.

Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice)

–Waverly Place & 5th Ave

Overheard by: steph

Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You!

–Humboldt & Withers

Overheard by: francesca

Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down.

–Williams St

Overheard by: Sonya

Posted on May 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Gays and Lesbians, Infidelity, Insults, Masturbation, One-liners, Penis, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Relationships, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Sexuality, Singing, Street, The Village, TV, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners

Howie: I Was Young, I Needed the Money!

40-ish white collar: Did you ever see that video on the internet where a woman blows a horse and she gags when he cums?
30-ish blonde companion: Ewww, no.
40-ish white collar: How about that video where this bald guy who looks like Howie Mandel inserts his entire head into this woman’s giant vagina?
30-ish blonde companion: No, I would have remembered that one.
40-ish white collar: Don’t you keep up with culture?

–Waiting in line to see Martin Short in Fame Becomes Me

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on May 18, 2015
BJs, Internet, Kink, Penis, Pop Culture, Vagina

But after a While, I’d Tell Him I Was Dieting

Teen girl #1: What if chocolate came out of dicks?
Teen girl #2: Well, then I’d pay him five dollars!

–Union Square

Headline by: MarioRPG

Runners-Up:
· “A Fine Example Of a Win-win Situation” – mike
· “I’m a Dick and Chocolate Comes Out Of Me About Twice a Day.” – Redneck Jedi
· “R. Kelly Trains ‘Em Young” – haz
· “We Could Stop Renting Those Party Fountains” – Golf Widow
· “Willy Wonka’s Splendifferous Splooge” – MiaMiaPantsonFia

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on May 18, 2015
Girls, Headline Contest Winners, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, Penis, Teens, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

Could You Just Stop Duelling with Them?

Little boy #1: You are a penis.
Little boy #2: No, you are a penis.
Nanny: Alright, whoever says that again gets a time-out.
Little boy #1: Whoever says penis?
Nanny: Nevermind.

–Bleecker & Mercer

Posted on May 14, 2015
Default, Kids, Penis, The Village, Women, Words

Trump: Is It a Quality /Mercedes Brand Dick?

Overprivileged yuppie #1: Did you see that? Dude, did you *see* that?! Man, I *own* this fucking city!
Overprivileged yuppie #2: No you don't, skizzball. Donald Trump owns this fucking city.
Overprivileged yuppie #1: Donald Trump can suck my dick!

–85th & 2nd

Overheard by: SoOverIt

Posted on May 13, 2015
About Celebrities, Insults, Penis, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Yuppies

With Cheese Sauce

Queer #1: Well, I fucked him and — this is really gross — but he had a dick like an asparagus.
Queer #2: Whaddya mean? Like, green?

–Vlada Lounge

Posted on May 8, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Colors, Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Penis, Queer guys, Sex

A Mini, No Doubt

Guy: Hey, they have some with a vibrating cock ring!
Girl: Our sex life is complicated enough already.
Guy: But you know how I love little electronic gadgets.
Girl: I’ll buy you an iPod.

–Duane Reade, 7th Street & 6th Avenue

Overheard by: Calliope

Posted on May 5, 2015
Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Duane Reade, Penis, Relationships

Step Two: Repeat

Little boy: …and sometimes, my penis, gets stuck on my shirt!
Mom: It does, huh?
Little boy: Yeah, but I just pull it back off!

–Barnes & Noble ladies’ room, Union Square

Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Queram

Posted on April 29, 2015
Clothing, Kids, Moms, Penis, Stall Spies

Chastity, How Did You Get So Smart?

Tween girl #1: Where did the term, “horny” come from?
Tween girl #2: Because when guys are horny, that's what their dicks look like. Horns.
Tween girl #1: Then how come we use the word for chicks, too?
Tween girl #2: Because their nipples get hard and look like horns! God, you're so stupid!

–Central Park

Posted on April 29, 2015
Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Horny, Parks, Penis, Questions, Rack, Stupidity, Tweens, Words

Penis