Too-hot-to-trot mother: Yo, stop hitting me with that thing.
Bad-ass eight-year-old son: Ahhh… Shut up, you bald-headed bitch!
Too-hot-to-trot mother: Yo, shut up! My head ain't bald!
–125th & Lexington
Overheard by: wish i could beat other people's kids
Teenager #1: Aw, that guy was so cute! He'd better be there when I go return my skates.
Teenager #2: You should find out his number or something.
Teenager #1: Nah, that's too awkward.
Teenager #2: Just ask his name from one of the other workers, and say you wanna report him to the manager… But then really just stalk him on Facebook!
–Ice Skating Rink, Bryant Park
Overheard by: lol
Preteen boy #1, looking at tiny Yorkie: Wow, that is the smallest thing I've ever seen.
Preteen boy #2: That's what she said.
Preteen boy #1: Yeah, that's what she didn't say about you! I mean, that's what she didn't say to me! That's what she said about you!
–30th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: real smooth.
Guido: It just depends where you put your penis.
–South Street Seaport
Guido on cell: Can I get a blowjob with that too? (pause) Mmmm ,yeah. Where are you right now?
–Wagner College
Overheard by: Ferch
Guido: I'm about to go back to Men's Warehouse and be like, "what the fuck?"
–51st St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Puerto Rican girl: That's it! Koreans are like Asian Guidos! Except they don't tan…
–59th & 10th
Overheard by: shawn
Skinny girl: Ohmigod, I should be like a plus-size model!
Skinnier girl: You look great!
Skinny girl: You are sooo skinny! What do you do?
Skinnier girl: I don't eat more than like a thousand calories a day.
–Elevator, MSG Suites
Man #1: Nice beard. You look like Santa!
Man #2, gesturing to his jacket: Santa? Does Santa drive a Harley too?
–72nd St & Broadway
Overheard by: Natasha
Short Asian man to tall black man: You play basketball?
Tall black man: You fix computers?
–Starbucks
Creepy guy: You have delightfully sharp elbows.
Angular woman: Thank you, I had them sharpened this morning.
–Checkout Line, CVS
Father: Okay, girls, get your hairspray and turquoise eyeliner.
Daughter: Why?
Father: We're going to Staten Island!
–Hudson & Christopher
Overheard by: Seonachan
Girlfriend to fiance, while shaking ring off of finger: Look, my ring is getting too big again. Am I losing weight?
Fiance: You're losing weight and I'm losing interest in you.
–E 95th St
Overheard by: Sarah
