Dude #1: I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Dude #2: Ummm… Hmmm.
–F train
Dude #1: I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Dude #2: Ummm… Hmmm.
–F train
Man #1: … And sometimes you want to drink in the office.
Man #2: Yeah, I mean, sometimes — why not? But that’s a slippery slope.
Man #1: Well, the general rule of thumb is don’t drink and trade.
–Elevator, World Financial Center
Overheard by: Walter Sobjzcek
JAP #1: Besides, you can’t fit a pancake in a hole that size.
JAP #2: Well, what if Hillary runs for President?
JAP #1: Yeah, like a Nazi Feminista president can bend the laws of physics.
–53rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Matt Chancellor
Man: I am the piano of humans.
–32nd & Lex
Overheard by: Em
Boss: You don’t want to ruin your crack-high with that harmonica racket.
–1 Madison Ave
Overheard by: KDOTU
Four-year-old holding maracas: These shakers give me speed!
–VFW Hall, Long Island
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
Hipster: None of them could play their instruments or sing, and they all kept spitting on each other, but there was free beer so I was there.
–Metropolitan and Union, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Jesse
Six-year-old girl is blowing hard on a clarinet-type toy.
Mom: If you start feeling dizzy, you tell Mommy, okay?
–East Village
Overheard by: jho
Woman eating lunch: …Then they threw my father out of the Communist Party again. This time it was for refusing to play his accordion at parties.
–1300 York Ave
Bimbette #1: Have you ever noticed that lemon-lime soda tastes like urine after a few minutes of not drinking it?
Bimbette #2: Nope.
Bimbette #1: Well, it does. That’s why you have to keep drinking it — so it doesn’t taste bad. Then you get addicted to it and you buy more. It’s a clever marketing scheme.
Bimbette #2: Has the government been probing your brain lately?
–Grand Central
Young woman: Hey, would you like to sign up and register to vote?
Man: No, thanks. I’m an illegal alien.
–Grand Concourse, the Bronx
Overheard by: BobbyD
Homeless guy: I got a sore on my left foot! Look at it! That’s what comes from being in America!
–Beth Israel Emergency Room, 18th & 1st
Doorman: So I looked her straight in the face and I said, ‘Listen, you’re in America now.’
–Mandarin Oriental Hotel, Columbus Circle
Yasser Arafat look-alike: If she’s naked, don’t go in there; I know how these goddamn American girls are.
–Bedford St & W 4th
Overheard by: Birthday Boy
Woman in exaggerated Latin accent: Run, run, American people! Run before you miss the train!
–Uptown 6 train, Wall St station
Overheard by: gay among hardhats
Guy: It’s an old American name, like in the Bible.
–A train arriving at 59th St
Overheard by: IanM
Park Avenue woman, upset because cashier didn’t have quarters: I have every right to be nasty! I’m an American! I’m a fucking New Yorker!
–23rd & Park
Spanish hipster tourist: Americans are the worst!
–Apple store, 5th Ave
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Woman: See, now we’ve missed our train.
Little girl: Well it’s not my fault, it’s yours.
Woman: Of course, just like everything else.
Little girl: Especially global warming.
–ACE subway, W 4th
Frat boy #1: Dude, are you Karl Marx?
Frat boy #2: Nah, bro. I’m a porn star.
–5th Ave, Brooklyn
