Queer guys

Wednesday One-Liners Cast the First Stone

Girl: I don’t think “Keep your legs closed” is part of Catholic mass.

–Elevator, Brooklyn Law School dorm

Guy on cell: That’s because I’m not a sinner…Well, I don’t consider that a sin.

–50th & 7th

Overheard by: Proud Sinner

Man: If hell had a bathroom, this would be it.

–LIRR bathroom, Penn Station

Passenger: This is the train to hell–and we’re in the first car!

–L train, passing 1st Ave without stopping

Overheard by: Ciara&Andrea

Girl on cell: It’s not selling your soul to the devil if it pays the rent.

–Starbucks, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: M. Nofier

Heathen: I’m worried because we’re going to Burning Man, which, you know, is not church camp.

–Rope, Myrtle between Clinton & Vanderbilt, Brooklyn

Overheard by: our lady mess

Young queer: The Jesus man touched me funny!

–36th & 6th

Overheard by: He touched me too

It Would Pain Me to Be More Specific

Gallant Queer: You can go ahead of me with your “lady things.”
Woman in line behind him, holding infant and feminine products: You mean the maxi-pads or the baby?

–Duane Reade, Park Pl & Broadway

Wednesday One-Liners: Never Too Gay to Play

Sports enthusiast: Man, that guy was queerer than a football bat.

–40th & 6th

Queer enthusiast: My son can play football, but only if he’s gay…Because, well, at least he’d be gay.

–The Cloisters

Because She Was Fat

Queer #1: Atreyu or Bastian?
Queer #2: Eww. No. They’re kids.
Queer #1: It’s not real. Atreyu or Bastian?
Queer #2: Falcor.
Queer #1: You and your hairy guys.
Woman: I want you guys to know I just realized why I didn’t sit at the popular table in the middle school lunch room.

–Pax Deli, 36th & Broadway

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

When Narcissists Converse

Queer: Oh my God, I hope that guy over there thinks I’m cute.
Hag: Oh no, I hope I’m not pregnant.

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: cooldude

Great, ‘Cause My Parents Would Absolutely Kill Me If I Didn’t Marry Gay

JAP: Aww, but you two would be the perfect couple!
Queer: Why?
JAP: Because you’re both gay!

–French Roast Cafe, W 11th St

Overheard by: mound charger

Because I’m Puerto Rican

Queer #1: What did he just say?
Queer #2: He called you maricon. It means faggot in Spanish.
Queer #1: Oh, thank God. I thought he called me Mexican. I was about to be really offended.

–Lorimer St, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Ray

Simplex-Minded Decision Making

Girl: …and when he came back, it looked like he had herpes! Herpes everywhere!
Queer: And you still hit that?
Girl: Well, it looked like he did, but it was dark and I wasn’t sure.

–Spring & W Broadway

Somebody’s Sleeping on the Couch Tonight!

Queer #1: Yeah, they have a book this thick with all these martinis.
Queer #2: I hate when guys order flavored martinis.
Queer #1: Oh, I was just sayin…

–Outside Vintage, 9th Ave between 50th & 51st

Overheard by: Ronnie F

Might Be the Only Exciting Thing About Jessica

Queer #1: Whatcha reading?
Queer #2: Jessica Simpson’s suing someone.
Queer #3: Let me see.

Queer #2 passes over a folder.

Queer #1: What? No pictures?
Queer #2: It’s a lawsuit; there are no pictures in a lawsuit.

–Hampton Jitney

Overheard by: Todd

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