Girl: I’m up for anything. You gotta change it up. I just don’t want to date a guy who’s a stick-in-the-mud.
Guy: Well, I can assure you, my stick has been out of the mud for some time now.
–Battery Park
Girl: I’m up for anything. You gotta change it up. I just don’t want to date a guy who’s a stick-in-the-mud.
Guy: Well, I can assure you, my stick has been out of the mud for some time now.
–Battery Park
Optimist queer: You should be happy. Not all the people in the world are out to get you. Why not just be nice?
Pessimist queer: Whenever I’m nice to people, they spit in my eye, fuck me up my ass, and kick it all the way to Siberia.
Optimist queer: So when was the last time someone fucked you up your ass?
Pessimist queer: An hour ago.
–Sutphin & Hillside, Jamaica
Overheard by: ting
Barista: What happened to your fist?
Queer: An AC bit it.
Barista: Really?
Queer: Yeah.
Barista: Nice story.
Queer: Well, it’s better than my story before.
Barista: Which was?
Queer: I told people it was a fisting accident: he sneezed! People didn’t respond too well.
–St. Marks
Overheard by: fran
Girl: I don’t think “Keep your legs closed” is part of Catholic mass.
–Elevator, Brooklyn Law School dorm
Guy on cell: That’s because I’m not a sinner…Well, I don’t consider that a sin.
–50th & 7th
Overheard by: Proud Sinner
Man: If hell had a bathroom, this would be it.
–LIRR bathroom, Penn Station
Passenger: This is the train to hell–and we’re in the first car!
–L train, passing 1st Ave without stopping
Overheard by: Ciara&Andrea
Girl on cell: It’s not selling your soul to the devil if it pays the rent.
–Starbucks, 110th & Broadway
Overheard by: M. Nofier
Heathen: I’m worried because we’re going to Burning Man, which, you know, is not church camp.
–Rope, Myrtle between Clinton & Vanderbilt, Brooklyn
Overheard by: our lady mess
Young queer: The Jesus man touched me funny!
–36th & 6th
Overheard by: He touched me too
Gallant Queer: You can go ahead of me with your “lady things.”
Woman in line behind him, holding infant and feminine products: You mean the maxi-pads or the baby?
–Duane Reade, Park Pl & Broadway
Sports enthusiast: Man, that guy was queerer than a football bat.
–40th & 6th
Queer enthusiast: My son can play football, but only if he’s gay…Because, well, at least he’d be gay.
–The Cloisters
Queer #1: Atreyu or Bastian?
Queer #2: Eww. No. They’re kids.
Queer #1: It’s not real. Atreyu or Bastian?
Queer #2: Falcor.
Queer #1: You and your hairy guys.
Woman: I want you guys to know I just realized why I didn’t sit at the popular table in the middle school lunch room.
–Pax Deli, 36th & Broadway
Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson
Queer: Oh my God, I hope that guy over there thinks I’m cute.
Hag: Oh no, I hope I’m not pregnant.
–Uptown 1 train
Overheard by: cooldude
JAP: Aww, but you two would be the perfect couple!
Queer: Why?
JAP: Because you’re both gay!
–French Roast Cafe, W 11th St
Overheard by: mound charger
Queer #1: What did he just say?
Queer #2: He called you maricon. It means faggot in Spanish.
Queer #1: Oh, thank God. I thought he called me Mexican. I was about to be really offended.
–Lorimer St, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Ray
